…Last night. Not that anything bad happened, it was just rough.
[[Side Note: After getting sick from my bird survey Thursday, my stomach was off and I wasn’t eating much. I woke up the next day with my stomach still a bit upset, but alright in general. Then my appetite came back with a vengeance yesterday afternoon.
Normally, I am very accepting of a raging appetite but seeing as how it’s been on the fritz the past few weeks, it has had me a bit concerned. Probably not concerned like any normal person would be, but because it meant: I WAS EATING MORE. I suppose some people would be happy with this fact, that they get to eat more food, more of the things they love. But for me, it becomes terrifying.
By eating more, does that mean I need to workout/exercise/run more to work it all off? How am I going to balance all of this out with the activities and work I do? Am I going to need to start cutting out some of the things I’ve been eating lately?
HOLD UP.
What kind of life would I be living if I thought that? By falling back into such a thing, I would be failing myself. Normally I think that I’m always failing others, but in reality I need to not fail myself.
After realizing how I felt yesterday, and thank goodness reading Miss Jenn’s (This Winding Road) most recent blog post about her own recovery, I was left calmer and more reassured that I could move past these thoughts. I also had some assistance from Caitlin and her discussion about Fat Talk and Operation Beautiful. Being able to see how others work through their hard times and mentalities is very helpful to me.
In rebuttal, this is what I have to say to myself:
So your appetite has been a bit wonky and you’ve been eating more. You have been listening to your body and providing it with the energy it needs from food and strength with exercise. Is this in any way a bad thing? No, of course it isn’t. So take last night and what you consider to be an “exuberant amount of food” as a sign that you needed to eat. Yes, a bit of it may have been out of purely wanting to taste that awesome freshly made pizza crust or the taste of chocolate/something sweet, but know today is a new day and you know how and will listen to your body. You will be sure to feed it when it wants to be fed and not second guess the gurgling coming from your belly. You will not, and I repeat WILL NOT rational that you need to restrict after yesterday for any reason, but simply take things in moderation and eat a little bit cleaner. The world isn’t going to end because of yesterday. Your pants are still going to fit, and no one is going to look at you any differently. You’re still you…go outside and enjoy it.]]
~~
So I started my day off on the right foot! I sprung out of bed at first light, rested and ready for the planned run I had and felt great! There was no being chased/bitten by dogs (did I forget to mention the dog that ripped my shorts the other day? Oh yeah, that happened. I’m fine though!) and the traffic wasn’t too bad either, so everything was great!
After a bit of stretching and cleaning up, breakfast was a must! Take an apple, quick oats, cinnamon, frozen blueberries and a tablespoon of PB and you have the worlds best breakfast. Well, at least for today’s breakfast that is. ;)
And FYI, starting tomorrow is NEDAwareness Week! I’ll be posting topics about eating disorders and recovery throughout the week and would love to hear your story of recovery! I decided I’m going to be selecting a few blogs to feature each day this week and how they have helped me through some of my tough recovery times!
Happy Saturday Everyone!
13 comments:
soo proud of you girl! you are exactly right. you are such an inspiration..seriously..thank you for being REAL and honest!
keep up that amazing attitude hun, i know sometimes it can be easier to just fall back and not stand up to those thoughts, but you totally talked yourself around and started the day off on the right foot...everyday is a new day! Your an awesome inspiration and despite not blogging at the moment, i still read your blog whenever you post! the new addition of the sidenotes is a really helpful one by the way, so thanks for sharing :) your honesty is refreshing and is what recoverys all about, being honest with ourselves and facing up to those challenging thoughts.
keep it up girlie!
lauren x
I love that little note to yourself. So honest and inspiring. I'm proud of you!
I tend to freak out over appetite changes too, but deep down I know it's just my body adjusting to new situations and telling me what it wants.
I had a nice little Saturday morning run today too. Love those! Have an awesome weekend!
nice rebuttal! haha i've been in debate mood all week since i had to do one in class, so that word choice was pretty entertaining to read. i struggle with those thoughts too when my eating changes, but it's good that we can rationally think it through ya know? hope you have a better night tonight!
i love that rebuttal! i need to tell myself that more often. i freak out over being more hungry than usual and tend to want to ignore my grumbling stomach if i had just eaten an hour or two earlier. way to go and thanks for the inspiration!
i am so glad you were able to turn your thoughts around. Seriously- that is so true. You should never have to deal witha n eating disorder again because you are honestly amazing and beautiful, seriously!! all the eats you enjoyed sound great.
xoxo
shelley
Love this post! I definitely struggle with this same thing from time to time, but I do try to honor my hunger.
Take care sweet!
Sarah
Great self talk, Melissa! Sounds like it worked. ;) I think what you wrote in this post is very typical of what most of us go through/struggle with from time to time. I know it's a similar talk I've had to have with myself.
Girly, you know that I can relate to the raging appetite. I'm glad that you wrote yourself some positive thoughts and looked to some other amazing bloggers for support. That's what this community is for!
Hope you're feeling better -- I can't wait to catch up with you!
Love love LOVE this post!! You are such an incredible inspiration, seriously. I struggle with the same thoughts when i'm extra hungry and my body tells me to eat more. Thank you for sharing these things, I think that it touches more people than you will ever know :D
Sometimes I think you and I share the same brain.
I totally went overboard this weekend, eating out way more than usual. Kind of freaked out a bit, but then reminded myself that sometimes it's good to shake things up and keep our metabolisms guessing. And you're right, today is a new day. So, I started it out with a new pancake recipe. :)
Love you Melissa AND all your peanut butter lovin as of late.
I -just- had a twitter freak out about my eating/appetite. Without noticing, I was down to like..600 calories a day and not losing weight, and exercising. It was great to read your post and find some inspiration.
Gah Melissa, those could have been my exact same thoughts! I'm always nervous about having an increased appetite...but you're SO right. What kind of life is that? If we can't trust ourselves and listen to our bodies, then who can we trust and listen to?
I'm so glad reading my post had a positive impact on you, I am very wary of sharing things, because I don't know how others may perceive them.
Thank you for being AWESOME!
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