Not that I had any of my own today with the madness that ensued, but in general. Side note to present itself.
I didn’t do my speed workout last night as grocery shopping too precedence so this morning it commenced, at SIX AM. Yikes. The sun was not even awake yet.
- 2 miles warm up
- 8x 400m repeats (a bit of walking in between)
- 1 mile cool down
Everything went well and I was hitting my 1.51-1.53 marks until the 7th repeat when my stomach/intestines decided to just give out on me completely. I mean, I didn’t have to sprint to a bathroom or anything, but I felt so horrible I had to take a few extra minutes to gather myself back together. I finished though, and damn I felt strong! As much as I hate doing repeats (and hill workouts), I feel freak’n awesome and accomplished afterwards!
And what did I have waiting for me after I cleaned up? Reeses Oats in a Jar of course! (can’t thank K enough for having it to remind me what I’m missing out on)
Along with the PB and chocolate chips, I topped it off with quick oats cooked with an apple and cinnamon. I didn’t want the jar to end.
It was a long morning getting more decoys set out and I was famished by the time lunch came around. Somewhere before then I did have a pear that got smashed in my backpack. It wasn’t pretty.
For lunch I started off with a sandwich of leftovers and lots of veggies!!!!
- Leftover Eggplant Slices
- Sautéed Onions
- Hummus
- Tomato
- Lettuce
I had every intention of using my avocado for more protein but it wouldn’t fit in the sandwich without it becoming a disaster.
And then I had a new bar! I was lucky enough to have YouBar send me some samples of their bars, shake packs and trail mixes! In case you haven’t heard to YouBar and their products, it’s awesome! You can pick all the ingredients that go into your own personalized bar based on the choices they have for bases, sweetness, protein, fiber, crunch and or course sweets! You can do the same with their trial mixes and shake packets too! I can’t wait to try all the stuff I received!
First try: Great Date with Chocolate
I was a bit nervous about this bar since I’m not a fan or Larabars who are date based, but none of them are chocolate, so I was hoping this one would be much better.
And how awesome is it that you can customize a bar and they will provide you with the nutritional stats!!??
And such simple ingredients. Genius idea by YouBar founders!
How would I rate the bar? I’d give it a 7.5 out of 10. Why only a 7.5? It wasn’t as chocolaty as I would have liked and it was really really sticky. I guess I like to have a bit of crunch in my bars. Maybe some rice crispies would be a good addition to this bar for me!?
The rest of the afternoon was hard work and I had a banana while driving home. I was am absolutely exhausted.
When I got home, al I wanted was dinner, and FAST. So leftover and frozen veggies it is!
- Small baked potato
- frozen okra
- frozen cauliflower
- chickpeas
- marinara
- 1/2 avocado
- diced onion
BEST DINNER EVER.
Wait, didn’t I say that about last nights dinner? Maybe I’m just better at making my dinners, or just so hungry I enjoy everything no matter how random.
Of course I had dessert: more chocolate eggs. And some cheerios.
[[Side Note: Meal Preparation and Eating Other’s Food?
Over the years I’ve noticed a pattern when it comes to my meals: I make them all. Even when others offer up food to me or make something for me if I’m tired, etc. I make it. No matter what, I make all my own meals.
Why? Because, I’m terrified of the unknown. As in the things I don’t know which are going into the food and preparation itself. (I have the same sort of anxiety when I go out to restaurants, but that’s a whole other story). Even if I know the person, they’re a good cook, eat healthy, etc., I still get nervous and am afraid to eat their food.
I was going over the thought in my head today as to why I’ve become so afraid of this over the years and really, I think it all comes from the beginning when I first developed my ED. I was always afraid of all the extra crap they put in our cafeteria food or things we had to purchase through the university. From there it rolled over to everything else. Next I became afraid to eat my own Mother’s cooking, my Grandmother’s, my best friend, and actually, EVERYONE.
No meal was eaten without the need to watch it be prepared. No bake good was consumed at holidays with the fear of rich or pure ingredients that might have been used in the process. No food was eaten without careful inspection and speculation of what went in it if I hadn’t seen, and therefore how much I could eat of it.
And now, I can’t even imagine all the different and wonderful foods I’ve missed out on over the years of being afraid to eat them. I’ve opted out on goodies given to me by friends and family, I’ve skimped out and eaten little of meals people have prepared for me, I’ve lied in about something or other to get out of going to a restaurant if I didn’t know what was going to be on the menu or something low calorie.
It makes me mad to think about it now, all the things I’ve deprived myself of and how I have become so obsessed with how I eat my food. But it’s good for me to see that I’ve moved past some of this and have become more comfortable with the things others provide for me.
Each time I get stressed out about something along these lines, I try and calm myself, and ask what the problem is. For instance, last week my roomie made some oatmeal chocolate chips cookies. What can be better than oatmeal and chocolate right? Um, the butter (a fear food I’ve discussed before) and flour being used (why flour? Again, somehow my head has been programmed that all purpose is so much worse than whole wheat. geez…). But really, what’s it going to do, kill me? Maybe with it’s gloriousness, but not by it’s content (unless my friends are evil and poison my food. haha). I just need to sit down and relax over these things.
Do you have these kind of meal fears? How do you rationalize eating things others eat for you, and even the ones that aren’t so healthy? What do you use to erase that judgment? ]]
20 comments:
I thought that bar was SO CHOCOLATEY it was unreal.
I think your first step would be to forget about the past meals--what's past is past. I make a lot of my own meals, which is why I can realte in a) feeling good knowing what's there but also b) feeling drained. I think you need to just accept when a meal is not yours, knowing that if you're doing it 90% of the time, the last 10% doesn't matter. It really helps to surround yourself in a place that you trust. I only go out to eat at places that use local/organic ingredients, so at least there I really feel like I can surf the menu and choose to my liking
Re: FMFF
That's very true. I have done that a lot with the restaurants that I go to. Like this weekend, I knew the ingredients were fresh and such, so I was able to eat there comfortably. You're totally right that the past is the past...time to move on!
you have come soo far!!! its so important to be able to ENJOY yourself and the company around you-being scared of the unknown can prevent that. moral of story..you=amazing
i'm so terrified of the unknown!! i feel ya. i love the concept behind youbars, awesome! i was up at 6 am too but unfortunately it wasn't to work out..i had to get my hw done before class, naughty me left it till the last minute lol
I think many of us (including me!) can relate to those fears. It's that sense of control 'we' crave.. but I've learned the only way to get over it is to face it. head on. because if we don't, food will hold power over us-- too much power.
A few weeks ago I decided to take a chance. I let my roommates make dinner while I preoccupied myself... It was weird, but I found that I was less anxious when it came time to eat. Yes, I knew they used olive oil and probably some other 'mystery' ingredients, but I also knew they took the time to prepare a meal for me, and I had to face the fear.
One step at a time. And with every step we take, the less power food will have over us.
Sweet dreams <3
one of hte reasons that I really love your blog is because you do such a great job of balancing your current, more recovered life with your perviously disordered one. It is great to see someone like you truly work through your problems and still address ones that seem to linger.
Of course I can relate to these feelings. Though I still will eat foods by others/restaurants, I definitely have safe restaurants & people. I feel wayyy too much anxiety when others cook for me or when I eat out. I mean, there WAS a day where I didn't have to look up the menu before going to a restaurant.. I just don't really remember that day...ugh it sucks! I have gotten better, but i still almost always go for the 'safe' option...
xoxoox
shelley
intervals at 6am? don't think i could do it ;) way to rock them out! i just started doing them again and i managed 6 400s... and not as fast as i used to, which is expected, but ways to go!
oh man, i have a few irrational fears/problems i'm trying to work through right now. one's saturated fat... I can do avocado, 2% greek yogurt, nut butters... but bacon and higher fat meats? seems so ingrained that they're bad!
UM - DELISH!! Every single meal/snack is perfect! I mean, the oats are my favorite but I could just be biased ;) Thanks for the shout out!
Well done with that work out! That's impressive!! You should feel strong because that's amazing!
I totally used to be this way. In fact, I think the realization that I couldn't eat ANYTHING unless I brought/made it myself was a turning point for me...the point where I thought 'Whoa, I think I really have a problem.'
I travel A LOT for work, and I used to have to bring food with me for ALL meals and snacks. It was such a pain. I could never just go with the flow and make nutritious decisions based on what was available - I could never take that chance.
I think I've made giant steps in this aspect of recovery. In fact, I almost enjoy the challenge of putting together something healthy with whatever food I find in my travels - makes for some interesting combos!
As far as homemade things I don't know what's in, I try to tell myself that it's "just food." As in, my body is not going to totally freak out on me if I eat something less-than-healthy. It's just food, my body will process it, life will go on. Easier said than done, but it does help.
You are my hero for getting up at 6am to run. I don't think I could ever do that.
I don't think I have a HUGE problem eating food other people have prepared. What gets me nervous is what if they made/make something I do not like? Or if it's something that I KNOW will cause an IBS flare up? I'm not ever sure how to bow out of those situations gracefully, ya know?? I'm always worried that people will think it's all in my head and I'm just beeing picky. AHHH!!!
I definitely like to make my meals vs. having someone else make them, but for me it's primarily to make sure stuff that makes my stomach MAD doesn't make its way into the mix. Plus, I do like to healthify (not really a word, I'm sure) things a bit for the most part.
Great job on the intervals!!
Sorry about the tum discomfort, but hooray for finishing strong! You're a machine, girly.
That eggplant sandwich looks SO GOOD. I haven't had a good sandwich in quite some time! Need to break the cycle.
When I go out to eat I make an effort to cater menu items to me, i.e. askign for sauces on the side, fish grilled rather than sauteed, etc. If they can't do it, I usually just surrender and try not to stress too much.
I also approach food that I haven't made with a great deal of suspicion. Living on campus and eating in the cafeteria makes it fairly futile, but I find myself 9 times out of 10 skipping whatever they have prepared for the salad bar (fresh things can't be screwed up) or a make-my-own-sandwich bar. I think about all the work potlucks, etc...that I pass on because I'm freaked out by the thought of the nonchalance with which they pick the ingredients. It sucks at times (no, actually, a lot), but I'm trying to move past the anxiety, especially when the dish as a whole seems healthy. I may always pass over fettuccine alfredo, but if there's a veggie casserole, I'll suck up the use of cream and try to enjoy.
Love your sandwich and the bars sound wonderful!
Thanks for sharing your fear of unknown meals. I agree with Evan; if we make most of our own meals and ensure that we put good things into our bodies, the ocassional treat meal -- or even healthy meal out -- won't hurt us. Good luck!
i like the idea of making my own bar. mine would probably be similar to yours!
Oh hunny, I love when you open to us like that. Really I do. I think it's so important for you and so helpful for so many other people battling the same thoughts. Which leads me to my "advice" even though I'm probably not the best one to give it... when I eat out, when I eat food that some one else has prepared, I like to build it up. I think about how fun and exciting and different it is and that makes me forget about how much healthier I might be able to make it myself. Hope that helps, now go eat some Oatmeal Raisin cookies! ;)
Sometimes, I have these food worries, but in general, my desire to eat everything in sight overrides my fear of ingredients. It's kind of the bad side of the other end of the continuum, I suppose.
...I am afraid of that bar. It looks like asphalt.
Fear of the unknown is so normal. For ages, restaurants and dinner parties scared the crap out of me. Now I roll with them! That one took a good long time, but was very liberating to let go of.
Your dinner looks great -- I love when unexpected meals that you throw together come out so beautifully!!
I definitely have similar "meal problems". Mine definitely stem from getting too worried about "extras" that restaurants and cafeterias add to foods, so I just stopped eating out altogether. Then I would not trust my mom to make things the way I wanted, so I would do it. I've been able to let go of this A LOT thankfully, and it's made my experiences so much more enjoyable. I still do worry from time to time, but for the most part I am able to accept that one meal, one day is not going to amount to much in the end.
I can relate to these fears, but I have found that over time it becomes easier. My issue is actually for completely different reasons though. I am SO nervous that people do not have clean kitchens or follow safe cooking guidelines and am afraid of the germs. I have gotten over it with PB's support and insistence that we sometimes eat at the grungy diner.
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