Mirror, Mirror…

[[ Side Note: Just a glance…

I have a horrible habit I am still desperately trying to break and have been for years since my ED started: Mirror glances.

I can never walk by a mirror and not look at myself.  Ok, that sounds horribly vain, but it’s not a “checking myself out” glance (well, I guess it is; you know what I mean) but a “making sure my body looks the way I have to have it” kind of look.  Does that make sense?

I look at myself in the mirror to, truthfully and I hate to admit it, always make sure that my abs/that area look flat.  Horrible horrible.  That is the part of my body I’m always worried about…because to me and my messed up mind, if that area of my body is not flat or up to par with the way I want it, my brain screams “FAT.”  (Yes, I still have fat-talk I deal with…but I’m working on it, promise.)

Not only do I do that just when I happen to walk by a mirror, or a big window where I can see my reflection but I’m bad at doing a “body inspection” every time I go into the bathroom.  It pains me to say it, let alone realize how often I do it…

When I walk into the bathroom, I do my business and wash up…but then go through a routine that I hate.  I lift up my shirt, lower my pants/shorts a little and look at my abs/stomach and love handle area.  Then I turn 90 degrees and inspect from the side, flexing as much as I humanly can.  And in the end I either A) look at it and think it’s ok and that I need to work on it a bit, or B) bash the living crap out of myself and what I see.

I’ve realized this horrible habit more and more over the years, besides still obsessively using measuring appliances or doing an assortment of other things, and really want to break it.  Which is why I’ve created a goal for myself to break this one once and for all. It does nothing for my recovery and only makes dealing with it that much harder. 

So knowing that I won’t be able to stop this cold turkey, I’m going to take it in steps.  I’m going to stop looking in big windows or reflective surfaces (even things like the sides of cars!), then move onto mirrors I run into at clothing stores and such.  I’ll work on not going through the same routine every time I go into the bathroom, but only do it once a day…and then none, if I can.  I know it’s going to be hard, but I’m sure I can do it.  I’ve accomplished so many other goals, why not this one, right?

Are there bad habits you’re trying to break?  How are you dealing with them?  ]]

Today was flying and I was excited because it’s probably the last time I’ll be able to fly over the Everglade like this.  I’m hoping to fly tomorrow too because it’s the most beautiful part that we get to fly over…

Knowing that I needed to stay sustained for a serious amount of time I went back to a staple I’ve been avoiding because it’s been so hot lately: Banana PB and AB Oatmeal

Luckily I was smart enough to make it before I got dressed and everything so I had time to stick it in the fridge and let it cool down before I inhaled it…I don’t mind cold oatmeal!  It’s like Gina’s Breakfast Cookie, but cooked and not flat!

The flight went well and I was having so much fun enjoying the view…the flight went well but it was windy so the plane was getting thrown around a bit…luckily I was able to not barf all over everything and stay sane throughout!  Here are some of my favorite pictures from the flight:

Look, you can see one of the shade houses I helped build the other week:

I can’t believe the damned thing is still standing!!!  Of course it is…we’re monster architects!

We got home and as you guessed, I was famished.  I dug into my box of strawberries only to find out that half of them went bad, boo, so I salvaged what I could.  Sadly even the good ones tasted bad.  I ate about 2/3 of this and chucked the rest.

And seeing as how I need to get to the grocery store or get some creative vibes up in my head, I had a pretty sad looking sandwich for lunch…doesn’t it just menial?  Blah.

I toasted a piece of sourdough bread, lathered on the hummus and put on cucumbers and carrot shavings.  I chopped up the rest of the carrot and some cucumber to dip in more hummus on the side.

Then the postman showed up at the door!!!  My Auntie sent me a SWEEEEEET Care Package as a bit of bribery to help out her neighbor in finding some bugs…oh man that boy is lucky; he’s going to get a ton of bugs from the Everglades!!!!

 

Seeing as how my coworkers are helping me gather up the bugs I had to share with them…and gave each of them a Lumpy Bumpy Bar…check out the inside:

Can we say died and gone to heaven?  Brit and my roomie dove into their’s but I’m saving mine for a later date.  Instead I dove into my favourite TJ’s Chocolate covered snack of all time:

Oh yeah you got that right: Dark Chocolate Edamame. 

IN MY BELLY.  About a serving…I hope.   ;)

Oh yeah, thought I would give you an idea of where I live, but more of where I run.  Most people run city or neighborhood blocks; I run agricultural squares.  But they’re just like at home, normally about a 1/2 mile long on each side, but some of them are up to a mile long on some sides…and al have rampant dogs to chase after me.  Joy.

Anyhow, I spent the majority of the afternoon getting a refund from McAfee because with my auto renewal they take the original price for my Virus Protection…but if you go to the website, it’s $35 less!  Call them up, tell them the difference, and they’ll give you your money back…oh yeah.  I’m now $35 richer.

And then tried to figure out how to not lose all my contacts on my phone since I need to upgrade the software but no go…stupid freak’n Outlook and T-mobile…I spent two hours on the phone with you and nothing works in the end.  BOO FREAK’N HOO!

I went on a short walk with my roomie to the fruit and vegetable stand down the road to pick up some tomatoes and other finds like fresh onions and bell peppers…and an Ugguli Fruit!  I can’t wait to show you!

The wind is blowin’ like a hurricane today so I opted out of a run…and motivated myself to do some ST instead.  Before that though I had a snack kinda late…at 5pm…of 3/4 an orange (part of it was dry), a cup of Kashi H2H and another handful of Dark Chocolate Edamame… ;)

I did more of my SELF workout cards I’ve saved over the years and did the 2008 Self Workout Challenge…all three sessions!  Oh man I’m going to hurt tomorrow, but it felt great and I already feel stronger!

Now I’m clean, chill’n out and waiting for my appetite to roar after that workout…and am super shaky. 

Need to fix that; food needs to happen now!!!

Good night!