Please bear with me through this post as I'm doing so from my phone, so there are sure to be typing errrs and no pictures! I hopeto have my laptop back by the end of the week so I can get back to blogging! I can't read my google reader as I thought I would so its going to be monstrous when I finally get to read it! Yikes! But I love you all so much you know I'll be reading them all!
Anyhow, I wanted to let you in on a bit of what's been going on the past week I've been away. I've had a lot of time to myself (I've read almost 4 books this week!) and have been able to do some real reflecting on what's been going on in my life.
Ever since my doctors appt last week I have been plagued by the number the scale read. I have wanted to restrict, exercise and so many things bad for my healing body. But instead I prevailed. I have made dishes I've been afraid to make because of the ingredients or cooking method. I have accomplished runs like never before. I've made more friends, involved myself and seen outside the box. I have kept myself from being isolated.
Two big things from just this weekend:
1. I ran with fuel and used it. I have talked about this before, not fueling during long runs, but never really rrevealed the real reasons: to me, long runs are a time for me to burn an insane number of calories in hopes it will take away the weight. Running has been like this for me for years and only now am I finally breaking free of that habit. It is hard, dont get me wrong, but when I feel so much better physically after 10 miles (like today) and feel the feeling of such a great accomplishment with a great time I can' t help but want to
keep doing it again to see those results again and again!
2. And then there is the numbers. Not just the one on the scale, but the ones on all our foods. I have counted calories everday for as long as I can remember and it only fuels the hatred and guilt I have building inside of me. But today was a different day. I didn't count a single thing that went in my mouth, and if I can hold out a few more hours, itt will be the first entire day in years where I don't have at least an estimate of how many calories i've had. It's a big thing for me, and I hope I can do it tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. How much better would life be if I never counted agan? I srtrive to imagine and experience it...
Anyhow, sorry for all the text, but I hope that you have all been well this week and I can't wait to start reading about you all again. I have missed you so and realized how much you have all affected my life in such a positive way.
I'll be back soon. Have a great week!
17 comments:
Hugs Melissa! So glad to hear about your accomplishments this week. I missed your posts and hopefully you'll have your computer back soon!
Congratulations on a full day with no calorie counting. As someone who can completely relate this is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE accomplishment. Thanks for sharing this and being so honest!
you are AWESOME. congrats!!!
I am proud of you, Baby Girl. I can't wait until you check in again with all of your new progress.
Congrats on all of your recent accomplishments, you are doing great! You need to get your computer back already, we all miss you. :) Can't wait to see you at HLS in a couple of weeks!
I feel weird saying this since I don't "know" you, but I am SO PROUD of you! Wow!
You are kicking ass my friend. Kicking your RUN'S ass and kicking that DISEASE'S ass. Proud of you! -mymarblerye
sounds like you've made some giant leaps this week...so proud of you! hang in there, and keep on keeping on. :-)
Sounds like you're making lots of progress! So PROUD of you!!!
Congratulations, lady! That is a big accomplishment for you, so I know that you must be thrilled.
This was a wonderful post to read--so encouraging! I'm so excited for you!Keep it up Mel!
Hey Melissa! I have been reading your blog all summer since I have been diagnosed with bulimia. My recovery has been anything but easy and your blogs have helped me to see that it IS possible! It's been so easy to slide right back into the way of doing things especially since all my clothes are too small at the moment. My therapist says my body will get back to normal it's just going to take some time. Anyways wanted to give you a shout and best of luck with your move!
<3 melissa
I think it's commendable that you are staying on path despite the feelings created by last week's situation. Your actions prove your strength over the disorder!
What is always amazing about you is that while yes, you admit to struggling with negative thoughts and feelings, but you rarely allow them to invade your behavior. Do you know how strong and awesome you are for that!? Changing behavior is so so so difficult, and even though your mind is still muddled with things, remember that your willingness to stay strong BEHAVIORALLY is a huge achievement.
Hope you're having a great week!
Counting calories is one on of my most ingrained disordered habits... and it causes so much stress, frustration, and it really holds me back from fully living and enjoying what's in front of me. I desperately want to get beyond this habit! I am so proud of you for that huge accomplishment of not counting---really, I know how difficult it is. You are so strong and inspiring, my dear, and I wish I could give you a great bear hug! You have come so far, but no number on the scale will tell you that. Don't even look at that. Nt weighing myself was another hard habit to break, but one of the most liberating things I've been able to do. Best wishes for continued health, happiness, and wholeness. xoxo
so proud of you. can't wait till your back to your regular posting :)
Hey hun! Sounds like you've been doing really well! Not counting calories will be hard, and it will probably take a while for you to break the habit, but it will be so freeing when you get there!
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