I've had some time to think...of the things I wish I'd have done and have done...and realized...
As far as my ED goes, it has kept me from doing many things over the years...
I wish I had the guts to...
Do a sprint triathlon
Take a new class
Try new foods in different places by different people
Become a baker.
Make new friends.
Try a new drink
Complete a marathon.
Write a book.
Create something new.
Be myself.
But as much as it has kept me from doing these things, there is so much that I've done and don't realize or give credit to...because really, I am a strong, independent woman.
I have had the guts to...
Travel to new places, for fun and running.
Travel to foreign countries.
Study in new places.
Take jobs that can well, kill me. *but are awesome!
Do what I love the most.
Save the environment.
Stand up for myself.
Be blunt.
Have my own pet.
Say what I need to say.
Be a friend.
What have you had the guts to do? Which one did you enjoy and find the most empowering? ]]
After having a hard time yesterday I wanted to make sure that today was better, even it was only by the smallest degrees.
I have had these stashed away in a safe place to make sure they wouldn't get lost, and after doing some cleaning last night found them and made sure to post some to make my self remember...
(Do you love the I just woke up 5 seconds ago look? Yes, I was still asleep at that moment)
They actually scared the crap out of me when I woke up and walked into the restroom this morning (bright colors in your face at 5am is not ideal, fyi) but instantly I had a smile on my face and welcomed the surprise that I had forgotten I left for myself.
I am trying to eat up all the fresh stuff in my apartment before my weekend in Portland so I had another cereal mess this morning. I actually used a 1/2 a banana instead of strawberries but loved the blueberries and white peach...plus real pb and Kashi plus other random cereals I had little left of.
It was another long day out in the field and seriously, it didn't go as well as planned, which didn't help my declined mood from yesterday. Lets just say, I forgot some things which were pertinent to work and felt miserable. But, diving into my yoga and meditation exercises I've been doing more of lately, I breathed deep and remembered that well, these things happen. You work with them, get through them, and move on.
By the time we finished it was almost 1.30 and I was a starving marvin! I snacked on some grapes on the way home where even though I had a nice lunch in my bag, but simply wasn't feeling it; my stomach was off.
As soon as I got home I made a roasted/grilled veggie sandwich with my Arnold's Thins from Foodbuzz with some cantaloupe, and two mini york peppermint patties
Nothing fancy, but just enough to keep me going throughout the rest of my afternoon and computer work.
I had a leisurely run set for the evening so I snacked on a mug of mixed cereals for some extra energy...I would have picked something different but I'm running low on all snack foods...I suppose I could have had more fruit but I know it wouldn't have sustained me long, and I didn't want anymore pb (whaaaaahhhhhhtttt????)
As soon as I could convince myself that my body wasn't as sore as I believed it to be after Jillian Michael's No More Trouble Zones workout from yesterday I went on a nice easy 5 mile run...the longest for my week before my 1/2 Marathon (FIVE DAYS AWAY!!! AHHHHHH!!!). I felt awesome afterwards, especially after being stuck in a car and just standing around most of the day! I wanted to move muscles!
I had no idea what I wanted for dinner...I still had my cold quinoa salad from lunch that I hadn't eaten but still wasn't feeling it so I made a simple open egg sandwich with cantaloupe for dinner. Again, nothing fancy, I was feeling plain and simple tonight...and today rather. My belly is a bit off.
I've got two fully booked days of work before I can head home and get ready for my long weekend of running and blogger mayhem then return to Cali for some, ugg, JURY DUTY. Can you believe this is my THIRD TIME I've been called in? I've even been on a jury before for 9 days! And I'm not even 25 yet (but tomorrow will be my birthday month so 25 is getting closssssser!!!), geez!
How has your week been going? Have you ever had jury duty?
16 comments:
My ED has held me back, too but I have never thought of looking at all the positive things that I have done! What a great post :) I'm so happy I came across your blog. Your sidenotes make me feel like I'm not alone.
I am currently training for a full marathon, but I do think frequently of what I lost out with the ED... Dating, cross country in college, high school, a better major. I just think that I if I had done some things differently then it would be easier ! But oh well makes you stronger ;) I wish I had the guts for a Tri too next year maybe?!
i love how you are honest with the things you HAVEN'T done because of the ED but are PROUD of what you HAVE. You and I are still young so the world better watch out cause we have tons of things we still need to conquer! I'm proud that although I may have negative self thoughts at times, I am CONFIDENT and rock it at work! I'm soo excited about your trip..but sucks about jury duty..can't you just lie and say you know the defendent? hahaha
Happy birthday month! I am a September baby, too!
good luck with the half!!
so crazy that this is your 3rd time up for jury duty...i was only called once and got out of it since i was in college in another state.
You're right! You can definitely focus on the things you HAVE done and leave the list of "haven'ts" for future goals.
I've never been called for jury duty. Maybe they think I'd be bad at it...
I love your lists - I think it's awesome to focus on all the brave things you've done in your life. Never forget how strong and capable you are! Can you believe I've never been to jury duty?? I've been summoned twice but was out of the country both times.
Hope you are having a good day!
Happy birthday month! I really love your new haircut too :)
I have had the guts to start college this year, and learn to drive, and to start a new sport and to get a job! D: and it feels like waaaay too much in one year, which that stress doesnt help ED a lot, but at the same time those things give me a good reason to let go of ED!! :) Because I cant keep up with it all- its ED or a life! :)
Maddi
p.s.
Happy birthday soon! :)
Love you in glasses! (I always think people look cute in glasses).
Thanks for your honest posts. Although I'm dealing with an anxiety disorder plus PTSD and not an ED, I can really relate to a lot of what you write. I hope you know you're helping people and are appreciated!
There is a great vegetarian restaurant in Portland called The Green Elephant. They serve all vegetarian and some vegan cuisine and it is quite tasty. Highly recommend! Check it out when you go!
I'd say you have more guts than most people! You've accomplished some fantastic things, hun!
2 years ago i served on a criminal trial for jury duty. it was, dare i say, fun?!?
This is such a great post. It's so easy to focus on the woulda, coulda, shoulda, but good for you for highlighting what amazing things you have done. I've been reading your blog forever now it seems and you have been really instrumental in me starting my own blog and telling my own story. It can be very therapeutic to be so honest and open and I really admire that you are able to do both on your blog.
Just wanted to pop in and tell you, first of all, that I think you're stunning. I hope that's not creepy? But also, I totally relate to your ED struggles and have also been trying to remind myself what it's keeping me from achieving that I so want to do. And for what purpose? Why do we do it to ourselves when we know how fulfilling a life without it can be? That's the big conundrum, I suppose, but I think it's great that you can point out the positives of working through recovery, too. Wanted you to know you're not alone and that your blog is definitely helping others reflect too. :)
I have never been called for jury duty, and I don't know anyone who has. I've heard a theory though, that here in Canada at least, since you are supposed to face a jury of your peers, and many of the people being tried aren't educated, you don't tend to get called if you have a university degree. I don't know how much truth I put in that, but it could explain why I've never been called.
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