After yesterday's post about what I have and wish I had the guts to do...I decided to keep looking at the things I find negative and how I combat them with the positive. It's really helping and ultimately helps relax my mind. I hope you are looking at the positives to contrast the negatives and feel great about yourself!
I confess that today...
-I did a mirror check when I first woke up.
-I weighed myself and hated the number.
-I wanted to restrict.
-I counted calories, and went over what I wanted.
-I pouted about how I was a failure.
-I wanted to make myself run over the number of miles on my schedule.
-I wanted to restrict tomorrow.
I then realized...
-That the body I deem to hate, is going to carry me through 13.1 miles in 4 days and help me break 2hrs.
-That number, means absolutely nothing and I need to throw my scale off my balcony.
-That I need to food to fuel and keep me sane.
-That so what if I went over, our bodies don't just reset themselves calorie wise everyday and you're probably hungry from not eating enough the past two days with the tummy issues occurring.
-That I was not a failure in anyway, so quit pouting and reach out for what you really want: A HUG.
-That running those miles, even the ones I was scheduled to run, wouldn't feel great or be any fun (because of guilt and exhaustion), so decided not to run and stretch a lot instead. And breathe, DEEP.
-That restricting has never brought me anything good; I never feel better, I never get the number I want, I never feel happy and it's just not worth it.
What do you have to confess, then realize? Be positive! ]]
Today was the first morning I hit the snooze button, and learned that it only lasts for two minutes on my phone. Such a disappointment. Hah!
Thank goodness I've made my breakfast so many times I could do it in my sleep:
I really need to strain my yogurt because I hate how watery it is compared to greek. I want my greek back!
Anyhow, it was heat'n up again in the desert! Lately it's been in the low 80s! Anyhow, nice juicy grapes were waiting for me to be inhaled at a moments notice...with such a pretty background.
And since I woke up this morning craving chocolate like mad, but wouldn't give myself it in my breakfast, it came in the next meal: lunch. I bought Justin's Chocolate PB and wanted to try it out, compared to Dark Chocolate Dreams that I adore and had the other day...and sorry Justin, but you don't compare. I'm going to be a DCD girl all the way.
And because that wasn't enough chocolate, I dug into the depths of my backpack for more...at least it was a "healthier" form...?
Damn straight! It had just enough caffeine to last me through the long afternoon of way too much driving...
Oh desert, how I sometimes wish you were the beach. I miss the smell of salt and my hair getting all nasty and ratty. :) Ok, that's a lie; kinda.
After getting home and deciding I was too hungry to run and would rather consume these...
I totally zoned out to the tv. And stretched. And breathed, DEEP.
I saw Gabriela's sandwich from lunch and knew I wanted something of the sort for dinner. Besides, I have a market tomato that I don't want to go bad while I'm gone all weekend!!!
And...I can't turn the picture. But, hummus veggies sandwich with a carrot and a giant white peach.
More chocolate to end the day...what what?
Thank youuuuuuuu Brownie Clif Zbars.
(totally stole off the internet which actually came from Jenn's blog in 08'. Thanks Jenn! Hehe!)
Some might say, two bars in one day? Don't hate fools, I don't eat bars all the time. And if I eat two in one day, and some sugary cereal, so be it. I'm still breathing.
It's almost my weekend!!! Work tomorrow morning and HOME then PORTLAND then 1/2 MARATHON!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
16 comments:
Is it bad that I immediately started singing USher when I saw this post come up on Twitter??
I am so glad you were able to turn all those into a positive.
I hope you REALLLLLY believe those positives though, that's the important part.
It's great that you can turn all those things into positives!
I must say that when I lived in 29 Palms I had the worst dirty desert feet (from always wearing flip flops). Now that I live at Camp Pendleton I kind of miss them (gross, huh?) but I do also kind of like the salty hair at the beach.
Is it bad that I enjoy reading your confessions more than the positives. I just relate so much however I'm not very good at the positives. Keep up the good work. I don't think you ate badly at all today. I have a stress fracture in my shin so I cannot run now. It just makes me feel worse than I already do.
Sometimes chocolate is just required!!! Those bars and the DCD... love it! And white peaches?! I can't get enough of them!
So glad you turned all those negatives into positives girly. Because you are SO RIGHT about everything you said! and don't forget them!
Love you!
re Lisa @ I'm an Okie: I was waiting for someone to say that! i was wondering if someone would point it out... ;)
I enjoyed reading the way you turned those negatives into positives. I need to keep that in mind myself! Thanks for posting this; I love when people are honest!
That was really amazing how you caught yourself in the ED thoughts and turned them around!! Sometimes it's so hard to do...but it's really the only thing you can do. Amazing once again:)
you know what sucks? running is a relief but after awhile, running too much will sky rocket your appetite...then the vicious cycle begins. Don't hate yourself...be proud of those miles...If I had awesome shins I would love to do what you CAN do. Be proud!! And 2 bars in one day? Um...that's a regular for me..try to zap those zbars in the microwave for a couple of seconds to get them WARMMM!! tastes fresh. Have a wonderful wonderful day and I can NOT wait for your race and mama pea recaps! <3 you!
This is great! It reminds me of the post you did the other day (week?) about negative thoughts and catching them. Which I still remember to do! It has honestly helped me a bit :)
The body is an amazing thing and it's so important to love it. Definitely
This is great! It reminds me of the post you did the other day (week?) about negative thoughts and catching them. Which I still remember to do! It has honestly helped me a bit :)
The body is an amazing thing and it's so important to love it. Definitely
Love the positives you turned your negatives into!
I oftentimes eat 2 bars in one day - no worries. They are quick and simple.
I can't wait to hear about your half marathon - sending you good luck vibes!
This may be one of my favorite posts you have written in a while. Thank you for reminding me to look on the positive side of things. A day is just a day, and does not determine how everyone that follows will play out. Good luck on your race this weekend!!!!!!
I'm so happy that I read this, especially "-That restricting has never brought me anything good; I never feel better, I never get the number I want, I never feel happy and it's just not worth it."
I worried about eating a bigger breakfast than usual to see if that would help keep hunger away during my first day of classes and then worried about eating a larger and saltier than usual lunch. Then I realized that, like you've mentioned, I was probably hungry from having to go up and down stairs (living on the 4th floor of a dorm) and not eating enough the past few days.
Just that one little sentence put a smile on my face and made me realize that restricting really hasn't brought me anything - no happiness, no content feeling with the number on the scale (glad I stopped weighing myself), nothing. It may have brought a sense of self-control, but even then the trade off isn't worth it by far.
Thank you. :)
Good luck with your half marathon and busy weekend! I'm sorry that I forgot--are you running the race in Portland?
Sometimes bars are just the easiest, best on the go foods and there's not a darn thang wrong with eating 1,2,3 in a day if that needs to happen.
And I love your list of counteractiving positives. They're all super and that's a super idea. I hope you start doing that all the time. And I'm going to start trying too every time one of those darn insecure, angry, self deprecating thoughts pops up. We can be so cruel to ourselves!
Here's an INTERNET hug for you! Doing what I can haha :)
I confess that I spend way too much time obsessing over how my lower belly pouches out. Then I have to shake my head and remind myself that said belly (and body) gave me my gorgeous, healthy children...and that's WAY more important that a tight, flat belly.
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