Oh boy do I have a story for you!
First off, after my last post I headed out to see my counselor for my monthly session and discussed a lot of things that were bothering me very badly two weeks ago, but I’ve thankfully been able to move past/improve on…with the help of Whit (whether he knows it or not!). One thing we’ve talked about in particular is my stress when it comes to going out to a restaurant. I have never actually told my friends how much stress this has caused me, how anxious I feel and want to bolt to the safety of my home kitchen. I have done crazy things in the past to keep from going out on certain occasions and really, it’s embarrassing, but now I have ways to work through it.
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The things about going out to eat that bothers me the most is that I’m not in control of my food. I don’t know what kind of oil or how much butter is being slathered on; I don’t know if things have secretly been thrown in the deep fryer to reheat (ie veggie burger; I saw it once!) or something of the sort; and if things have been made with animal fat. Alas, when I have time to wrap myself around the experience of having someone cook for me, serve me food, and enjoy the company of the people I’m with, it gets better and more enjoyable.
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How do I get to this point? I ask. For what? For time. I ask Whit when he suggests going out to eat and my head screams, “You didn’t work out today!” or “You already had something calorie dense at lunch/breakfast; this will ruin everything!”, if I can have just 30 minutes to walk around and wrap my head around going to eat out. Now when I’m wandering around during that half hour, I don’t specifically talk myself into going out, but simply calm down the nerves that are now firing in every direction. In actuality, most of the time I don’t think about going out to eat, but just do mundane things like shop or walk to help relieve the anxiety.
It’s working so far and makes going out to eat more enjoyable. I’m also planning on using this method for other kinds of events that give me stress like holiday meals, celebrations and events. I wish I had known this when I went to Foodbuzz Fest!
Oh, but that is not the end of it for today…After having such a great session I headed over to the gym across the street to get in my 5 mile run. I know many of you remember me whining about going to the gym because it’s so boring, but another reason I have avoided it for so long is because I fall heavily into comparison traps and it can be dangerous for my mentality. I’ve been doing good with it since I started going, and today just goes to show how much stronger I have gotten since I’ve started working through my issues.
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So today, I ran 5 miles. I felt awesome since I hadn’t run in three days and thoroughly enjoyed it, despite being on a the dreadmill. By the time I finished, I was a sweaty mess and because I forgot my towel to wipe off my dripping self, I had to resort to wiping my face with my t-shirt. Not a big deal, right? Apparently it was something worth commenting on…
I had noticed some other girls in the gym but typically disregard most of the people there, as I’m there to do my thing and leave because I’d rather be at home or outside. So, I finished up the run, wiped my dripping face and walked for a bit on the treadmill to cool down…and then, I overheard this:
“Oh my god, did you see that girl? I’ve seen her around and thought she was pretty skinny, but I just saw her lift her shirt and dude, she’s got flab everywhere.”
“I know! She’s like those girls that are skinny looking but really have all this fat hiding underneath their clothes. They just hide it well.”
WTF?!
I’m sure you can imagine the disgust I felt as I heard this, especially with someone who has such a distorted image of their body as I do. They were calling me, according to urban dictionary, SKINNY FAT. Oh man oh man was I beyond words. I’m still kinda in shock about it. I mean, I know there’s a little somethin’ somethin’ that pinches at the seems of my shorts, but really, did you have to point it out…so everyone else could hear you!? Really!?!?!??!?!?!??!?
If this had been me 5 years ago, I would have started up that treadmill again and ran another 5 miles, gone home and worked out more and eaten the smallest and saddest salad on the face of this planet. I would have been plagued with the idea that I was a failure, had no control and was ugly.
But I didn’t. Instead, I kept walking on the treadmill and told myself, “You just ran a very strong 5 miles. You run 1/2 marathons. You are a strong, independent and beautiful woman. They know nothing.”
I had debated whether or not I should say something, or scream or throw something at them, but as soon as I finished, I turned around, stared at both of them straight in the eyes, and walked out with my head held high repeating, “They have nothing on me. They are not me. I am strong.”
I’m proud to see how far I’ve come, not letting that get to me and bring me down…it really does show how strong I’ve become.
What do you think? Would you have said something? If so, what would you have said? Cause seriously, I don’t know what I would have said!
I came home and had a protein packed meal to show those girls who’s boss and knows how to treat their body well: two egg sandwich with hummus, mustard, tomato and spinach with a cara pink orange. And a piece of unpictured banana bread (too good not to eat as it stared at me).
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Whew…sorry for the long wordy filled post; I’ve gotta hit the hay for work tomorrow but I hope I get some interesting comments when I wake up tomorrow morning!
37 comments:
So first of all, I want to give u a big hug. Those people.... that makes me so mad. But I am so freakin proud of you for realizing that you're stronger than that. You're amazing and gorgeous and treat your body like it should be. You've come so far. I think I would've Just cried. Girl, you're awesome. Love you!
I can't even think for a second what I would have done but I would not have had your grace, that's for sure...you are amazing for being the better person in that situation. I guess the only thing you have to remember is those girls must feel really bad about themselves if they have to talk about others like that.
Wow, that's really insane. I absolutely hate bitchy, catty girls like that. You gotta wonder if some people never heard the saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Props to you for first off not being self-conscious about flashing your stomach, I'd probably burn my eyes out from the sweat dripping in them before I was able to do that! And props for handling it so well and not letting it dictate your choices. I think you did just the right thing. That shit doesn't deserve a response.
Off topic, thanks so much for being my first blog comment! It really means a lot since I've been reading your blog for a while, though am super shy about commenting, and as I type this am eating a piece of blueberry chocolate chip bread from your recipe. (Is that creepy? LOL, probably!)
As horrible as those girls were to you, the ironic thing is to think of all those times that you said similar things to yourself! As mad as you were at them, you should be equally as unwilling to listen to that voice within you that says those sorts of things. I'm sorry that this happened to you today, but maybe there's a reason it did.
Love you, baby. Stay strong!!!
I am going to come out and hunt those girls down!!! Girls only say things like that because they are JEALOUS!! I am sorry about what happened but it is great to see how far you have come in your recovery. You are strong, beautiful, talented and those girls have no idea what they are talking about. I would have said something and ended up in a pulling hair fight with them ha! great run on the dreadmill and seriously those girls are just jealous that you can run so far and so strong!! Let me know if you ever want to email chat:)
I am really proud of you for being able to get past that. People who say things like that have 1) no lives and 2) MAJOR issues of their own they need to work on. Seriously. I cannot run 5 miles. I can't even run 1 mile. Many people can't. Be proud of yourself and keep going; you're doing great!!
Those girls are pathetic.
I have had comments to me before as well, but nothing quite so overtly rude as that.
What did these girls look like? Because unless they were anorexic in weight they would not have been thinner than you. I would imagine they were jealous, seeing you put in a strong 5 miles. I wonder if they can run like you can? I somewhat doubt it.
You don't have an ounce of fat on you and they're talking rubbish from my perspective. Even if you did they have no right to say something so cruel.
I would not have responded because they aren't worth my or your time or worry. I distinctly hope they get over their issues and stop projecting them onto beautiful, athletic, FIT individuals like you.
I am so sorry you had to deal with that.
I've never commented on your blog, but to this I just háve to say something. You have come so far and I have a feeling that you're in a very good place right now. You're a fighter and these girls are just weak and awful people. You're absolutely beautiful and don't let them get to you. I wouldn't have said anything either, as it doesn't solve the issue. You handled it very well and I'm glad you listed to your healthy, realistic inner-voice! (sorry for some grammar mistakes. I'm foreign. :))
Ugh this makes my blood boil for you. What bitches. MAJOR props to you for realizing you're better than that though- I heard two of my freshman year floormates talking about me once and saying how I was skinny but didn't have a nice body. I did NOT take it as well as you. And you know what? I think it's a lot of jealousy. Women are each others' worst enemies...it's a huge part of why so many of us have body image issues in the first place. Even though it sucks, take it as a reminder that you are above that, no matter who it comes from. Stay strong love- sending you a HUGE hug!!
first of all YEAHHHH for your counselor helping you out. It makes me sick sometimes to eat out too but as long as it's not a daily thing you are going to be fine! And that story...I'm still SO PISSED about it. You are way classier than me...I would have said "Can you not let YOUR insecurites ruin my day?". People who truely matter and are decent human beings would NEVER say that about someone. And "flab"? Whatev! You should challenge them to a race!
I'm really pretty shocked that they said that loud enough for you to hear (in a gym, where it's super loud!). I'm sorry that you were the subject of their insecure chatter, but I'm glad that you feel confident enough to handle it maturely! Congratulations!
I cannot believe those girls would say such cruel things about you. I am so proud of you for holding your head high. Beauty isn't something that can be judged as a matter of fat or thin, nor is it something that can be judged in a two second glance at the gym. Beauty comes from within. You are beautiful, Mel. And we all know it.
Melissa, I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. :o( I am glad that you took the high road and just ignored them. As for me, I would have definitely said something. I'm not sure what I would have said, but I'm sure I would have blown up at at them. They're just projecting THEIR OWN insecurities by talking about you. You are beautiful and strong. Don't let people like that get you down. <3 <3
Wow, good job on holding your head up! I succumb to criticism wayyy to easily. But I'm happy to see that you didn't. You're so beautiful anyway - you shouldn't even think twice about silly comments like that.
I'm sorry you had to hear this, Melissa. Nasty comments like this are just stupid!
But I'm also so happy for you. I probably wouldn't know what to say, either. So looking them straight in the eyes and leaving with your head held high was the best thing you could've done.
This is only a proof of how much you've grown! Congratulations, girl. Really. So proud of you :)
Happy Holidays!
XOXO
I am so impressed at how you handled it. I would have walked past and said something catty about them or at least let them know I could hear them... Good job on being the bigger person!
I still can't believe that there are people like that in this world -- I am so sorry. But I am so super proud of you for how you handled this situation WITHOUT using your ED -- that is true strength and you are more of a woman than they will ever be. Congratulations for being a strong, smart, and beautiful woman.
I've never commented before, but I just couldn't hold my tongue on this one. The nerve of those girls! I totally agree with Hungry Runner Girl on this one...girls like that make comments because they are jealous, it's as simple as that. People with low self esteem have to be judgemental about others because it makes them feel better about themselves. I'm so happy you held your head high and said nothing...I'm not so sure I could've shown the same grace. As women, we all struggle with body issues and we all need to be more cognizant of how our thoughts/comments affect not only ourselves, but those around us.
Thanks, so much for this post! As someone struggling with an ED, it gives me hope that I'll have the same strength one day. You're amazing!! :)
First of all. I am so sorry you had to deal with that horrible situation. Damn those bitches! Just so you know, if I was there with you, I would have say "Oh come on really, I don't see you looking better than her!" out loud in their face!
Second of all, when you think about it, those girls are probably very insecure about their appearance as well. I mean, if you felt good about yourself, you wouldn't need to say such nasty things about other people to make yourself feel better, would you :)
Sit back and relax Melissa. You should be damn proud of yourself! Enjoy the festive season as much as you can, you deserve it!
Holy crap, who does that?!
I'm sorry that happened to you and I think you handled it well. You're amazing. You took care of yourself today, you respected your body today. You can run half marathons your and your body are amazing. When people say rude things to me I always try to remember that mean comments don't reflect reality, they reflect the other persons issues, fears, etc. Their words are reflections of themselves and hold no truth. I promise.
oh, I probably wouldn't have said anything, because I wouldn't have been able to think of what to say. Just don't let those bitches get you down.
I hate this. Hate, hate, hate it. I hate how the only people most women are more critical of than themselves are other women. I hate how some women think it's appropriate to say statements like these out loud. And I hate how many negative thoughts in can trigger within the woman for whom the comments are about. You are a beautiful human being and deserve to be healthy and fit like you are. You deserve to have fun and enjoy working out. You should be proud of yourself for knowing all these things, walking away, and continue living your life in the best way you know how.
What a classy act/response! Honestly if I had a comment in my head at the time I probably would have said it. If not then I would have done what you've done. Actions speak louder than words, and it shows those girls you're not like them.
You're beautiful inside & out, be very proud of yourself! :)
That egg sandwich looks yummy. Just sayin'.
As far as those girls go... they really have no reason to comment on someone else's body *anywhere*, but especially not at the gym. Basically, if you run or if you're an athlete, you'll never be "fat" (or "skinny fat"). Like, no sane person at a race or in a gym or anywhere is going to look at someone *running* and say "Wow, he/she is fat". Focus on what your body can do- you ran 5 miles. Who knows what those girls did? They might be thin but that doesn't mean they're healthy.
I was in a fitness class where an instructor actually commented that this girl looked like a model in a book of yoga poses. The girl was very, very thin, and had what society considered a perfect body... and for a second I was just like wow, but then shrugged it off because not only am I bigger than her, I'm also stronger. I can lift weights heavier than most women at the gym. I can run 9-10 miles.
Sometimes it's important to remember our bodies aren't made for restricting, calorie counting, or pinching fat. Sometimes we all have to remember that above all, our bodies are made to *kick some ass*.
Amy Lauren
How terribly rude, ignorant and immature of those girls. I'm glad you didn't give them the satisfaction of a reaction. They obviously have HUGE body issues themselves or they wouldn't feel the need to speak so terribly about someone else.
This makes me so angry. I used to get teased a lot for my weight when I was younger and to this day, it still bothers me. How can people be so dense to talk about others at this point in our lives? We're not in middle school anymore! ugh.....
I'm glad you talked to yourself and reminded yourself of your accomplishments and how awesome you are. This is something I want to work on in 2011. And you are right, they do not know you and they have nothing on you.
I wouldn't have said anything. I would have reminded myself of how strong I am like you did. I think that is an awesome way to handle it. Although I would like to punch those girls for you.
I sometimes have the same anxiety about eating out and suffered with it really bad during my ED days.
Wow, you really heard that at the gym?!?! I'm so sorry! When I went to a gym, I always just zoned out with my MP3 player and hardly paid attention to anyone around me because the few times I did, I'd notice guys sweating all over the equipment and turn into a germaphobe. So for all I know, I could have been getting judged. As for those girls - what bitches! You handled it beautifully and didn't let the comments phase you, congrats! During my ED days, such comments would have devastated me, but now I'd feel sorry that that's what they need to do to other people to feel accepted and better about themselves.
Not sure if I would have said something, depends on the situation and if I thought the girls would get all Jerry Springer in response. I might have done the truffle shuffle for them and walked away though. :-)
Wow, you have some serious self control. If that were me, I would have screamed at them! Kudos, my dear. Kudos. Fuck what the haters say. They only make comments like that to make themselves feel superior. You, Melissa, are so incredibly strong for handling that situation the way you did. AMAAAAZING :)
You are an amazing person. I probably would have had a complete meltdown. You are such a strong person and a true inspiration to me. This post really couldn't have come at a better time because I still have anxiety about eating out and also with my self Image. You truly are strong! I am so proud of you.
RAGE! Actual rage! I am so angry at those bitchy girls as there is just no need to say something like that at all but to say it about you! WTF? Jealousy is a disgusting and I am so mad that people would be so mean.
You are so strong and wonderful for managing to deal with this in a positive way. I really admire you sweetie.
I would have loved to show those bitchy girls how much muscle I have under the skinny flab by punching them in the face, but to hell with them. They're just looking out for any faults they can find out of female rivalry that is evident since time began...and I suppose it isn't right to react to them first when most of the time, we are our worst criticizers.
There will always be people who says such nasty stuff. But what truly matters is what we think about ourselves, because we become who we think we are. And when we start exuding self-confidence, even that "flab" we may have starts becoming something beautiful and worthy of admiration.
As for the dining out thing...I totally understand the fear and anxiety that comes with blind eating. I used to freak out too, and even obsess about the "safest option". But after constant dine-outs with good friends, and continuous exposure in facing my fears by ordering outside the "safe menu" I started relaxing and soon I actually really enjoyed eating out.
It's actually pretty amazing how much control we CAN have over our thoughts and emotions. And in turn, it affects what other people think of us, too.
By the way, kudos to you for holding yourself back and acting with grace. I think I would have punched them first, and then think about what I wrote here...way later. ;-)
I am so proud of you, girl. You did EXACTLY the right thing acting like it didn't bother you at ALL. That's what gets girls like that going--when they know you heard their comments but that it doesn't bother you...it just shows YOU AND THEM that you are STRONGER than them that you can hear that and move beyond it. You are a strong, successful, fit, amazing, beautiful woman who has come SO far in her recovery--we all love you so much!
FIrst off, I will send you a hug because I would have been in tears!
And second you are an amazing girl who is strong, I would have not been so polite and said something or got off the tredmill and cried.
You are a beutiful, strong, empowered woman and don't let anyone take that away from you!
You run half marathons, you work hard and your treat your body the way it should be treated.
I know exactly how you feel, I have been called "skinny fat" and it still sticks with me to this day! I one time even a car with girls in it drive by and laugh at me yelling "fatty" talk about hurtful, I was even running a 10 miler that day. Some people are just sorry to say rude and retarted! They have no respect or regard for peoples feelings..
I have been reading your post and blog for awhile and I struggle a lot with "food" issues and to see how far you have come has really inspired me.
you are amazing, always remember that!
I know this comment is a bit late, but I just had to give you some feedback on this post. The gym is a huge place for comparisons, I know what you mean entirely. I find myself doing it sometimes. But the I remind myself (like you did :) ) that I am strong and I am extremely fit and healthy, especially for my age. Most people my age (18-19) don't exercise, eat junk, and drink at college parties. I should be proud of myself. And, I am!
I also look at the people in the gym who are overweight (sometimes obese) and I can't imagine being that size, but then I smile inside because it's wonderful that those people are trying to become healthier - they are there for themselves. And, that's wonderful.
And, as for those skinny fat talking girls...they can just shut up because you are obviously a whole lot friendlier, respectful, and polite than they are. I am glad that you didn't say anything and just held your head high. But, I honestly hope they come across this post. Haha, it probably wouldn't happen..but, who knows, right? :)
Have a wonderful holiday! :)
Oh my gawwwwwwwwwwwwd. How awful!! I would have probably cussed them out. Haha, or cried. Dear gracious!!! People are so mean. I can't stand it. Anyway, you are amazing. More and more, I am talking to my mom and realizing that the normal woman has cellulite and wrinkles. It is normaaaaaaaaal. As we age, we also have skin that looses its elasticity. I am noticing this in my own body, and I just have to realize that I want to be happy. I want my soul to be happy. I can't worry about looking as I did years ago. I will never be skating or training 9 hours a day EVER again. And I don't want to. I am so sorry that happened to you. You ARE soo beautiful, and inspiring. So many hugs!
As my brother says tho, "If someone causes you pain, pity them not yourself."
I showed my Mom this and she said:
Mom: That is so rude. If it were me I would say to them that I feel sorry for them, if they are so lacking in love and kindness or any sense of self worth that they have to make rude remarks about others, their lives must really be terrible.
me: i knowwwwww
so so sad :(
Mom: not so so sad, just mean.
me:
catty and rude
Mom: Sad is my friend flynne riddled with cancer
catty and rude- but also indicative of shallow values
me: true
Mom: People so judgmental are really telling us that their lives are empty.
me: yep
true
Sent at 7:39 PM on Sunday
Mom: Today at the supermarket there is a picture of Julia Roberts at the beach with cellulite, and the title was "bad bodies", but what I saw was that her face was glowing with joy, and she is over 40, and probably running toward her twins and husband. I felt Hooray for her to go to the beach, as a MOm over 40.
me: yeah so true
Mom: Of course women over 40 have diferent bodies from 16 year olds. Celebrate life and live it fully. Let those catty miserable people feel sad in their narrow little lives.
I finally recovered enough from reading this to pick my jaw up off the floor and drop a comment. That is crazy unbelievable...WHO EVEN HAS CONVOS LIKE THAT? Seriously? Really?
I am pretty much awestruck by the way you handled it. Comments like that can potentially derail a peron in recovery.
I love the "look them dead in the eye" appraoch. Cause you want them to know you heard, but talking to them would have given them too much of your energy.
I just found your blog today and am enjoying being a little snoop-bloggy-blog. My name is Melissa (I go by Missy) I went to UF...(graduiated 2001) and now live in Fort Lauderdale. I am struggling in my recovery from anorexia/bulimia.
~Missy
Oh, man. Reading that made my stomach hurt. Those girls are... awful.
You're beautiful. Nothing more to say about that. Don't worry about what those girls said, seriously - not that you seem to be, which is great.
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