Half Way There...

Oh goodness...I'm going to be a bore, AGAIN.  Sorry about that.  There is just nothing exciting going around since all I'm doing is work, work, and oh, work.  There is running in there too, but with this weird leg feeling I'm trying not to hurt myself before it gets any worse.  It's just, weird!


The heat is still in the air so I've been focusing on foods that won't upset my stomach...which includes nothing that has to be cooked!


Apologizing for the redundancy but not the taste...oh how I love cold fruit in the morning:

Besides, when you wake up at 5am and have to get out the door in 45 minutes you don't want to think about food....


Which is why you always pack food the night before for the next day.  Oh yes, that's how I roll.

Add an apple to this berry bar and we're set for the morning.


What?  You don't think you can pack a salad to eat out in the 100 degree desert without it tasting like nast?  I shall prove you wrong!

Spinach with tomatoes, carrots, tempeh, butternut squash, salsa and bell pepper.  Oh yes I did.


After 10 hours of work I came home to another apple and therapy.  It's going to be an interesting weekend based off of that...lets just say dress shopping is not a favorite thing of mine to do.  As a matter of fact, I hate it.  We'll leave it at that.


By the time everything was done, I had picked up some groceries and sent off a fax, I was famished and with a pounding head.  I was supposed to do a speed workout today but you can bet that didn't happen.  I'm feeling horribly guilty about it yes (for more than one reason), but I'm trying to relax over it.  Trying being the main word...alas...


A bit of humidity was sitting throughout the town so since I had my veggies at lunch, I figured I could have a smoothie for dinner.  But I stuck spinach in it anyhow, that counts right?

A frozen banana, frozen blueberries, USVAB, 2T PB Flour, guar gum and spinach later...


Followed by a very large vine of green grapes and some Attune Chocolate Granola Munch later...now I'm on a guilt trip.  Lots of work and food and no working out?  The feelings arise...


So to ease my mind, I'm playing with Honey.  She can always make me smile.


Oh, and I'll leave you with a picture of me looking like Tarzan's Jane...except in the desert:

Beauty is not my priority in the desert...just putting on sunscreen.

Replicate

Uh, yeah.  Today was basically the same as yesterday.  What can I say, I'm a creature of habit.  But, I did have something different for dinner, inspired by someone else's breakfast a bit ago on her blog!

Anyhow, spread in two apples and some pb pretzel nuggets and you have my day plus these eats:

High Fiber O's, 1/2 Peach, Strawberries and PB

Mixed Veggie Sandwich with Hummus and two carrots

1 egg and 2 whites with some zucchini, salsa w/ extra tomatoes and crushed tortilla chips!

The tortilla chips added such a great crunch!  I loved it!  And it added jut the right amount of salt!

Juicy juicy cantaloupe...

Oh yes, and I did Jillian Michaels No Trouble Zones...I hurt.  That is all.

Sorry for the boring post.  I've been drained today and the record breaking heat doesn't help...enter feeling sick because of it.

Record Breaking...

That's what Southern California was filled with today!  Downtown Los Angeles got up to it's all time recorded high of 113 degrees!  Holy crazy that's hot!  It got up to 95 where I live, but it was that hot by the time I left the Mojave at 9.45 after finishing surveys.  Thank goodness for AC in cars and fans at my apartment!  Even if I did wake up from my nap covered in sweat...that's a whole other story...

Alas, I was strategic today and chose to do the shortest survey so I wouldn't have to be out in the hot hot hottness!

There is nothing like being outside before the sun rises...it's been a while since I started work that early!  But it was to beat the heat, then I'll take it!  And you see that road in the 2nd picture?  I drove up that...yeahhhhhhh I'm badass. :)

I had breakfast before leaving and it was none too exciting of a peach and cereal, and there was a snack mid morning of 1/2 a Banana Bread Odwalla Bar and a Golden Delicious Apple.  It was interesting so see the moon and sun while I was birding though!

I got home at 10am to finish off the day, just as it was hitting 95 degrees in the desert and then did some bird research where I tortured my poor kitty with bird calls...she was chattering like mad and probably would have started salivating had I gone on any longer!  Too funny.

A headache started to come on which is a sure sign of hunger for me if it's been too long and my stomach isn't growling.so I jumped at the chance to eat my leftover veggies...I had a smoothie on the mind but my apartment was actually cool so I figured I might have one for dinner of course!

A FlatOut Wrap filled with Laughing Cow, Hummus and lots of veggies, with my killer grapes.  Half of them were eaten even before the picture was taken...oops.

It wasn't much of a filler so I had one of my PB Raspberry Oatmeal bars, heated just a tad to unfreeze them and make it nice and soft...the raspberries are so sweet!  Yay for being locally grown and ORGANIC!

A 2hr nap ensued where I fell asleep cool and woke up drenched in sweat.  Yuck.  The heat was killer!

More research (I'm such a bird nerd, what can I say...I like to know my stuff!) and a Jonathan Apple later I was out the door for a run as it had finally cooled off.  I was supposed to run hills today with my running buddy but she asked for a raincheck with the heat...and Monday night football.  Meh.  Instead I ran a 4.7 mile block, running the 1st half harder than the second to give it a bit of a tempo bit...besides, tomorrow will be hills (hopefully) so I need to not exert myself too badly!

Of course I was hot after finishing so I made that smoothie I wanted from lunch!

That sure doesn't look appealing but it sure was tasty!  Smoothie in a bowl including:

• frozen banana
• frozen blueberries
• spinach
• 1/4C fresh apple cider
• 1/2C water (I'm out of USVAB! Wah!!!)
• 2T PB Flour
• ice

Tasty topped with some High Fiber O's!

And now, it's time for more sleep.  Gotta get up way before the sun tomorrow to beat the heat again!!!

Weekend Time

So, I think it's going to be quite normal for me not to blog through the weekend.  Although I may not do much because well, I don't have much of a life/things to do in my little town, it gives me time to focus on me and relax around food.  As much as I love food blogging sometimes it truly stresses me out: too little, too much, not healthy, too healthy...I'm sure you know how it goes.  I just can't help it.  The comparison trap is lethal.

Anyhow...sorry to be so somber!  How was your weekend?!  I've loved having time to read up on your blog...which btw, if I haven't commented, let me know! I might have missed you on my reader!  And new followers, gimme a shout out!  I want to know how/who you are!!!

Friday was nothing too extraordinary as we are hopefully going through the last heat wave of the summer (first of autumn?) and it was starting to get hot...but nothing compared to the rest of the weekend!

(That would be the awesome belated-birthday present box filled to the brim with a ton of different chocolates...Thanks Brad!)

The chocolate covered gummy bears got the best of me right out of the box...ugg, sore belly.

Alas, birding commenced and a lazy night ensued.  Saturday was what I was looking forward to the most!

But I can't forget about the little experiment I did to get Honey to stop jumping on the kitchen counter.  So unsanitary!

You should have seen her face after she jumped up there and ripped at the foil...she.was.pissed.  Learned her lesson though and hasn't jumped up there once in the past two days!

I woke up before it started to get too hot and headed out for a 7 miler around town.  The heat we are having is the dry kind, so I made sure to wear my camelbak for water because I sure did need it!  The run didn't go well but I got through it and finished.  Just in time for the parents to show up and for us to venture out into town...of course after the mandatory play time with Honey.

I took the parents out to the scenic route through the back of the town on the way out to a farm where we could purchase some of their favorite jams and some other fruits and vegetables they had in season.  We continued to a tree farm, another farm with some awesome organic broccoli and orange tomatoes, lunch at the small German bakery, a nursery and last but not least, more apple picking!

And through it all...I forgot my camera.  Oops!  Mom had hers but didn't take any shots...oops again.

We came back so my parents could each take a nap before their 2+hr drive home and all the while fixed my coffee table and played with Honey.  Oh, and of course ate some Jonagold and Jonathan Apples.  How could we pick apples and not eat any afterwards!? Come on now!

I was excited for dinner as I've had some tempeh hiding out in the fridge screaming my name so I couldn't neglect it any longer and made a saute with fresh farm squash and TJ's marinara.  All topped over a salad and dessert served after with Mama Pea's Cookies for topping!  I'm ready for my mid-70's again thank you very much!

I spent the rest of the evening watching horror movies in the dark before falling asleep on the floor, and eventually moving to my room.  The joys of living single. :)

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good but still a tad worried about my leg...What about my leg?  Oh yes, after that speed session on Thursday my IT band was a bit sore...and ended up making my whole entire leg feel weird.  I'm not talking about pain, but more like a tingling...like a slight, "My leg is falling asleep" feeling.  This screams back problem to me, but it wasn't radiating down my hip, but just from my knee to my lower calf...just strange.

Anyhow, I headed out for a run this morning for a short run and test how my leg would feel.  I figured, if I needed to stop short I would just make my planned trip to the grocery store to pick up some lettuce and grapes (man, our green grapes are so good right now...I eat them like candy...and they're not very cheap...I need to start rationing them!) and walk the rest of the way home.  Well, I ended up running a nice dirt trailed 4.7 mile run then taking the 2.2 mile walk home with my 4 items worth $13.44.  Oh yes...that's how expensive my grapes were, because all else I got was red leaf lettuce, a carton of strawberries and spinach.

Anyhow, the 80+ degree weather by that time called for a smoothie, so thank goodness I had a banana in the freezer!  Two minutes later with ice, USVAB, PB Chocolate Protein Powder, Guar Gum and banana, I was set.  Topped with High Fiber O's.  I know, such an exciting color.

The rest of the day was spent deep cleaning the apartment with a lunch and snack in between there...

Then giving up my comfort to turn on the oven and roast up tons of vegetables I have been wanting to make since well, it started to get hot.  Go figure.

Roasted butternut squash, zucchini and yellow squash with ketchup?  Yes please!

There are lots of leftovers, so I'll be making things with them during the week...ideas?  I'm thinking soup with the butternut...or a frittata...maybe?

Now I'm munching on some strawberries, peach pieces and grapes to round out the night...and some peanuts too.  No protein in dinner means I'm hungry two hours later.  Even if all I did was sit and read blogs and swoon over Josh Hartnett on Pearl Harbor (and Leo from Titanic earlier...swoon).

I've got a super early wakeup call for birding tomorrow since it's going to be over in the 100's tomorrow in the desert...yikes.  I hope I don't melt!

Ok, lets get this week done quick!  Is that too early to say? Haha!

PS I'm sorry if there are typos and grammer errors.  My eyes hurt too much to reread.  So I apologize now. ;)

Speed Time

Did I mention I'm going to be running a 10k on Thanksgiving?  The same one I did last year, and the year before?  Well...did I mention that this one, is going to help me accomplish one of my New Years Resolutions?!?!  That is why, I'm dedicating myself to SPEED for the next two months.  This is gonna take some dedication.

In 2009 I wrapped up the race at 53:56, but in 2008 I came in with a time of 52:51.  That's a whole minute I lost over just a year.  Granted, I was injured and not running as much as I have been over the past year, but 10ks haven't been looking that great even within the past few months.  This is discouraging to me, since just a month ago I ran a one at 56.23. I do take into account that it was full of hills (the course I will be running is as flat as a pancake) and I had run a full 6 miles before time, but alas...

So, the next two months I will be doing a combo of two different types of speed training a week.  I don't have a set schedule yet but each week there will be two days of speed, one long, one hills, and one easy.

BUT... I know my body does not like to run three days in a row or more than a certain number of miles, so one of these days may be cut out...like the hills or easy one, every other time a run needs to be cut.  I will still be working in strength training at least once a week and yoga once too, as I really need to work on the length of my very very short asian stride.

Alas, today was day one of speed training.  Err, I was supposed to do a session on Tuesday but exhaustion got the best of me after a 9hr workday.  But, I did go out and do it today.  I had every intention of doing a 1/2 mile increment workout at the high school track and then half way there realized it's Thursday = HS Football.  Ergo, improvisation took place!

I did a nice15 minute warmup and use a long strip of asphalt along the road as my destination for my repeats.  Then it was time to loosen up those muscles and run hard and against the blast 15+ mph winds.  Arg.

I had no idea the distance I was actually running because being in a small town means random street distances and such, but after getting home and measuring it on Gmaps Pedometer, found out it was .36 miles long.  And what does it say about my times?  That I'm awesome.  (Please don't find me conceded.  I was simply basking in the light of my speed)

Repeat 1 - 2.29 (2 minute jog after)
Repeat 2 - 2.27 (2 minute jog after)
Repeat 3 - 2.36 (3 minute jog after)
Repeat 4 - 2.29 (3 minute jog after)

So, what does my times say?  That I was running an average 6.57 mile pace!  I haven't run that fast in so many years!  It's encouraging...but this is just the start.  We shall see where it goes from here...I'll make sure to keep you updated!  Helps getting training at a higher elevation for beach races!

Anyhow, this is a food blog right?  Lets cut to the chase then!

I woke up totally groggy, as my cat decided she was cold last night, climbed under the covers and somehow wedged herself underneath every warm spot she could find: behind my knees, under my arm, on top of my head...you name it, she was there.

I have had one sad, lonely and ripening banana chill'n out on the counter so I mixed it up with some High Fiber O's from TJ's, strawberries, USVAB and PB...only to find out that even though the banana wasn't beyond it's days, it just didn't taste write.  So I chucked out about a 1/3 of it.

The morning was spent at my favorite points in the field, basking in the smell of oaks and pines, and munching on an apple and a PB Clif Crunch Bar.

Lunch was quick and in the car so no exciting background there...hummus and cheese veggie sandwich with a piece of blueberry chocolate chip bread.

Another apple was eaten later in the field and when I got home I was famished and slammed down a raspberry bar with some pb on top...workout fuel!

Workout done, kitten food purchased, and I was officially hangry.  The kid at the checkout may have gotten the evil eye from me.  I meant no harm.

When I walked in the door the only thing I wanted to do was heat up the apartment...with the oven obviously, Duh.  Why would I use the heater?  Anyhow, I was too hungry and impatient to wait for vegetables to roast so what better than PIZZA!  Got that right.

Last flat out wrap in the fridge.  Don't worry, I bought more.  And just realized, damnit , I forgot to put mushrooms on it.  Oh.well.

And for dessert I had some grapes and 2/3 of a peach (1/3 was spoiled).  Tasty.

Now I'm watching Bones and snagged a handful of pb pretzel nuggets.  Nothing more after that till breakfast tomorrow!

G'night!

Label

[[Side Note: Labels


There has been a lot of talk about labels when it comes to eating choices, anywhere from being a pescitarian to vegetarian to vegan.  But the one I want to discuss has to do with eating disorder labels.  When does it leave you?  Will it ever and can you simply get rid of it?


I got a comment recently that I responded to in my comments section but wanted to bring the topic out onto the blog because I think it is an important one.


"In all honesty, is it that you WANT to have an eating disorder as part of your identity? i ask because a) you don't exercise that much b) you're not underweight but talk as if you are and c) you seem to eat pretty normal. if you used to have an ED, start to accept the fact that you're recovered a great deal. don't hold on to the label longer than you have to."


It's a good point really.  But there is something about eating disorder labels that is different from life choices that we make about our food: we don't ask for it or want it.  Because believe me, I don't want it.


Am I recovered?  


I'm getting there.  


I may seem normal: at a good weight, eating well and fueling for workouts, but in all reality I still exhibit many signs of not being recovered mentally.  To be blunt, there is not a day that goes by that I don't hate the way my body looks.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think I'm fat and have a morphed image of my body.  There is not a day that I don't hate the number that last appeared on the scale.  There is not a day where I don't like so many of the choices I make whether it be about eating or exercise and not want to combat it in horrible disordered ways.  There is more exercise and eating that goes on behind the blog than I talk about, but I'm just too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about it.  Every other day I want to restrict, or go on a diet of some sort, but simply can't because I remember how miserable I felt.  When I have a good workout or race I'm happy with what my body can accomplish and power through, but it is never enough.  Nothing, is ever enough.


So you see, as much as I would love to say I'm recovered, and shout from the rooftops, "I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER ANYMORE!" I cannot.  I do not believe that my ED will ever leave me but do believe that one day I will be able to leave that word behind and live a life of happiness the way it should be led.  I think I will be able to deal with these thoughts in a good way and see how much I am more than my body.


Ergo, no, I do not want an ED as part of my identity but it is there, and it will be until I can work through every aspect of it to gain control of my live to live joyfully again.  It is not as easy task and I think the mental part is much harder than the physical.  Like I said, everything may look great from the outside, but on the inside I'm screaming to be let out.  ]]


Today, was a much needed rest day for this girl's body as I had run three days in a row and did an hour long ST session in the midst of all of that.  And besides, my left quad (problem area in the past) and knee were soar/achy/weird feeling so a day of no exercise was a must.  Don't get me wrong, I still did some pushups and situps, but that was about the gist of it.


This morning was cold to say the least.  Can we say Fall already?  Not quite, since this weekend it's supposed to get up to the high 80's or low 90's again.  But according to the weatherman this will be our last heat wave of the year...we'll see about that.


I didn't start off the morning with anything interesting because I simply didn't know what I wanted, as seemed to be the theme for the rest of the day.


TJ's Cinnamon Raisin Bread with PB and a Golden Delicious Apple

Like I said, not very exciting.  Neither was most of the morning or snacks thereafter, since I was battling some freak'n crazy winds out in the desert which resulted with more sand stuck to my chapstick'd lips than ever in my life.  At least the grapes, berry bar and apple made it safely into my belly.


The afternoon was no more exciting as Honey had every reason to hate me after lunch (soup and leftover potatoes) as I took her in to get her nails trimmed.  Tortured cat = hater cat.  Like, devil eyes for a while after we got home.  I dared not pet her and instead just fed her lots of chicken shaped little treats.  Still couldn't get a purr from her.  She'll get over it.

Instead she basked in the glory of getting all my nice, warm and clean clothes dirty again.  Please refrain from staring at my pink striped undies...

The rest of the afternoon was spent drinking lots of tea because it was in the high 50's and I was frozen.  And a few PB Pretzel Nuggets.  


But then, there was something I got from the postman as a belated birthday present.

Hellooooooo delicious.  You can bet I demolished one of these babies in an instant.  Well, mine didn't quite look like they did still at Mama Pea's house as the postal service did a number on them, but it was probably equivalent to one of them.  And maybe an extra half.


Dinner came around and I still didn't feel like eating anything in particular.  The past few days I have been an empty hole of hunger and none my appetite is there, but I have no want for anything.  Weird body; get with it.


So, I relished in leftovers to keep things from spoiling:

Chik'n patty, marinara, spinach and sheepherder's bread.

And some strawberries.  But what you don't see is the pudding that went on there after I took the picture left.  There was just a tad left in the fridge.  And some cookie crumbs for topping.  Geez...


Off to watch some premieres!  Will it be Bones, or Grey's?  Cause people, this chick doesn't have DVR alright.  Just Hulu. :)

The Other Problem

Some Field Days...Are just so boring!  It's cooling down out here in the mountains and desert, leaving the birds hunkered down to stay warm, just like they hunker down to stay cool in the heat. Ugg...makes for very long days of listening and watching for, nothing.  At least I'm fueling up for it well, right!?

I woke up to the thermometers reading 39 degrees!  What the what?!  I would have gone for oatmeal but there was some greek yogurt calling my name...along with some crunch.  Nom nom nom nom...

GY, peaches, strawberries and kashi go lean crunch!

I was jostled around all morning and was hangry by the time I got a break for lunch!  I was lazy creativity wise so I just had a veggie burger on sheepherders bread with the works.  Nothing fancy.  And carrot sticks.

And nothing better than a mixed berry bar for dessert:

Nothing exciting about the rest of the afternoon, other than I was tired and ran into way too many SNAKES!!!  Gah!!!!

Thank goodness I had fresh Jonathan apple pieces and blueberry chocolate chip bread to keep me calm, right?!

My parents are coming this weekend for more apple picking so I cleaned up my place a bit since it was a weeeeeee bit dirty after last weekend. :)  I wasn't going to because my legs were pretty sore from strength training yesterday but I figured a run might actually help.  Off I went for a 3.7 mile run to loosen up everything...which tenses up pretty bad while I'm gripping the steering wheel with a death grip.  Tense shoulders...ouch.

Dinner was cooked while I showered quick and needed it to warm up! It's amazing how chilly it gets when the sun goes down behind those mountains! There may still be some light, but most definitely no heat! Yikes!

I bought some TJ's Lentil Vegetable Soup and added in some water and extra broccoli, with a small sweet potato and ketchup on the side.  Warmed me up gooooooooooooood.

Grapes were consumed thereafter along with chamomile tea to get me ready for bedy by...after GLEE of course.

[[Side Note: The Other Problem

Through my Side Notes I have gone through a significant amount of my feelings towards my under eating, over eating and anxiety, along with being social.  But there is one thing I have left out that plays an additional factor in my ED recovery that I still can't pull myself away from: EXERCISE BULIMIA.

I know many of us have heard of this term, and others like compulsive exercising and as much as I show signs of these, it is not to the extreme or so unhealthy it's going to kill me (because I have been there, many years ago).  But I want to highlight this type of eating disorder because I think it goes un-noticed by many.  There are many symptoms and signs to look for in someone who has this disorder including:

• Rigidity to exercise session, even when ill or injured (ie unsafe situations)
• Skips social activities or personal responsibilities in order to work out.
• Is overly concerned/obsessive about calories, weight and exercise.
• Will make up missed sessions of exercise no matter the time, day or weather.
• Will add more exercise to a session because they ate more.
• Tries to add in the slightest bit of activity, even in secret (ie pushups or situps on the bathroom, or after going to bed)
• Cannot stand to take a day off from exercise, relax or do something less calorie burning.

When I first developed my ED I would exhibited basically every single one of these symptoms and lived a life of misery.  Add in the actions of restricting and I was a complete mess.  Over the past 7 years I have been able to walk away from many of these, except for a few.

Eating more or eating out is one of them.  There are still many days, where I will have a schedule worked out for training, or just for exercise that day, but if I have eaten an extra bar or something, I will tack on an extra mile.  Or a fitness DVD.  Or some strength training.  And it is never enough.  I always feel like that bit of extra calories will drag into the next day and I still will feel like I need to make up for those calories.

Yes, I still do count calories so I know exactly how many I get during a day but never end up with a negative number (thank goodness it's not that bad anymore).  But that is still no excuse. I should not have to feel like I need to "burn off what I've eaten" and need to get that idea out of my head.

I know, as well as you do, that the calories we eat in one day aren't just reset the next.  Everything balances out in the end and our bodies will adjust.  My brain just doesn't want to accept that.  The anxiety is horrible.

So this, is my problem.  This is what I'm working hardest on getting over, along with my body dysmorphia.  I believe these are the last two things that are keeping me from becoming the person I could fully become, and that is what I want this year.

That, is what I want for my 25th birthday.  ]]

The 24th Year

Can you believe, as of 10.15 this morning, I turned 25 years old!

Now many think that turning 21 is a big deal, and hitting their 30's is huge, but I feel like 25 is going to be something big in my life.  The years leading up to it has opened up so much for my attitude, personality and the way I live my life...I think things are just going to get so much better from here.  I already thought I was a pretty mature person, but I'm still learning and think this year is going to be a big one.  Will I run a marathon?  I'm planning on it.  Will I move again?  We'll see where my work takes me.  Will I travel to another country?  I sure hope so.  Will I meet the man of my dreams?  I can only keep wishing!

I want to reminisce over year 24...because I think many of the things that happened have led up to the great place I'm at now.  All that learning, heartbreak, struggle, running and triumph has to count for something right?

So where did it all start?

In the middle of no where coastal Texas:

Counting hundreds of thousands of birds:

Then getting my heart broken:

And running through my first official 1/2 marathon in San Antonio, TX:

Visiting California's capital to be on TV for an interview about Operation Beautiful:

Then packed up again, moved and started work in Miami, FL:

All to run another 1/2 Marathon through South Beach, Miami, FL:

Playing around in the Everglades:

Running two races in a day, and three in a weekend:

Starting my Side Notes Feature

Go salt water fishing for the first and 2nd to last time in my life:

Move back to California to do more bird work:

Participate in my first wedding as a bridesmaid:

Adopt my first cat:

Travel to Chicago for the first time:

Meet more bloggers that I've been reading about for years:

Run another 1/2 Marathon to break my PR and 2hrs:

And visit some of the best bloggers out there.

And now, here I am.

We'll see how my 25th year goes...