[[Side Notes: Driving Me Crazy
Ok seriously, how can I go from having so many good days then just turn downright horrible today? I don’t know what happened to my mentality because I was doing so great until this evening…but the root of it all comes from not knowing how many calories I’ve eaten.
I’m proud of my restraint to not count what I’ve eaten today, but then it’s driving me absolutely bonkers…but not so much because I simply don’t know the number, but because I didn’t exercise today. I did nothing but sit in a car today for around 7 hours with periods of standing around. Being sedentary is like sticking me on top of a 100 story sky rise and telling me to look over the edge: it terrifies me in a way I can’t explain.
I’m trying to breathe deep right now, like this very second. I did not skip dinner though I wanted to. I did not go to the gym even though I felt compelled to. I did not restrict or decide that f-it, I’ve killed the day so I should just eat all those chocolates in the fridge…
It helps letting it out, saying it out loud and realizing that I’m just freaking out, it’s just one day and in reality, in 4 days I’m going to be running 13.1 miles with some of my greatest friends in the world.
Breathe…..breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…. ]]
If you remember from yesterday, I was complaining about how my oats no longer hold me over like they used to. I thought upping the amount of protein with the nut butter would help, but alas I was left with hunger shortly after.
But today, I decided to try upping the amount of oats along with the amount of nut butters.
It lasted me about a 1/2 hour extra. And even then I was so busy that after 5 hours I was ravenous…and so hungry that my lunch did nothing for me. Seriously, if you could have seen the color of the cooked eggs in my sandwich it was sooooo yellow. I was using chicken eggs given to me from my running buddy, and one of them was GREEN! No, the inside of the egg is not green, but the shell. It’s an Easter Egg Chicken….and yes, that’s the technical term; how funny is that!?
So I cooked up two eggs and put them in a sandwich with tomato slices, mustard and spinach that I really should have rinsed some extra…I was chewing dirt. And three cuties. Too tasty.
Mid afternoon my lunch had done nothing for me so I noshed on an ORGANIC banana (they were the same price as the regular, so I figured why not) and a bar I’ve been neglecting for quite some time…
Clif Mojo!!!! I love the Peanut Pretzel Chocolate Dipped one…so eating that while watching the Northern Flickers bounce around in the trees was paradise…in the desert.
After my little panic attack earlier in the post and when I decided to forego the gym for today, I settled on having the last of my vegetable soup with tempeh for dinner, with some tlc crackers for crunch. I’m glad the soup is gone…I was getting tired of it…
Now I’m baking and relaxing before the mad weekend ahead of me…oh what a whirlwind it will be!
16 comments:
When we were home J went to a family get together--his aunt has chickens and one of them had laid a green egg. His Papa fried it right up and ate it...
Sweetie, you've done AMAAAAZINGLY well to not count calories AND not exercise in the same day! I'm so incredibly proud of you!!!! Remember that learning something new like not counting calories is a process. When you learn something new, it feels weird and strange. But the more and more that you get used to not counting, the more it feels normal. It's about normalizing HEALTHY behaviours. They feel weird at first but if you give it time, you'll wonder why you even did it in the first place!
SOOOO proud of you, Melissa!!!
xxx
I applaud you for being able to not count calories and not exercise. Though I don't count calories anymore (there's always just a rough estimate in my brain automatically) I have a horribly terrible time trying to stay sedentary. In fact, I'm pretty much not sedentary. It scares the hell out of me in a way. For me I work on having one day a week where it's a "rest day" from running, but I end up walking around and am non-stop on those days being so anxious; So I feel you on how it's driving you crazy, that'd drive me crazy too! I don't think I could..well, I could, but I'd not like that feeling AT ALL. I can feel it just thinking about it >.<""
I think that having bad days is normal..but it is your response to today that shows you are an amazingly strong person who is determined not to let eating control her life. Here's to a new day tomorrow.... :)
Kudos to your for not giving in to counting calories or exercising! You have so much will power and so motivating to me! You're one tough cookie and I pray that you can continue to find this strength every day.
I've been sedentary for the past several days due to sinus infection, and I have the same fear. I wish I could say I haven't restricted food, but I have. At least you're still eating healthy- that's definitely a plus. And you're normally active, just because you're not active every single day, you are active more days than not.
Green eggs make me think of green eggs and ham. Except I don't eat meat, haha.
Amy Lauren
Hey!
I'm a new commenter although I have been following your blog for sometime.
I just want to commend you on not counting calories today, even though you weren't as active as you feel comfortable with. I know EXACTLY how hard that can be and I want to tell you that you should be really, really proud of yourself.
You are an inspiration!!!
that sandiwich looks great!
I 100% know how you feel - on my rest days I often choose the "Screw it" route and eat terribly, which is so silly and makes the whole not working out thing even worse. I'm working on it too, and you're an inspiration for continuing to eat healthy even on inactive days!
And as for the hunger, our bodies are just so finicky. It doesn't matter if it's "that time" or if we just ran 10 miles, sometimes they are just hungrier than others.
Last night I wasn't hungry for dinner...SAY WHAT? YOu just gotta listen (I ate anyway:) )
Ooh this post hit home for me!I really, really struggle to stay still in the day; I'm always, always on the move (even if it's a case of standing, rather than sitting). I just feel so guilty if I sit which is soo dumb. In fact, I'm majorly worried about Monday coming, cos I'll be sitting from 10.30-5.oo...eek! So yeh - I totally think you're awesome for dealing with it, and I want some of your courage :)
I notice that too, things could be going great and just swing the other way. And my week has been a lot like that.
I get the exercise thing, but you'll be getting plenty in the half marathon and need to save energy.
Breakfast looks wonderful. Great eats.
You are doing amazing! I know it is difficult. I have those days and weeks where I go crazy from not knowing my calorie intake- especially if i don't work out. Just know that you are strong and can make it through anything. And you always have us here! :D
I feel your pain. It's amazing how life is such a roller coaster, one day we are rockin it out, no ED in site and the next BAM! it feels like back to square one. We just have to remember this is a day by day process and as long as we fight to have more good healthy days than not so healthy days, we're kickin butt!
-keep up the great work! :)
I've never heard of an Easter Egg chicken. Are you pulling my leg? If not, I kind of want one...
I think just by writing down how you were feeling probably helped put things into perspective. You're doing GREAT! Just remember that.... :)
Glad you upped your oats. I REALLY AM proud of you. And think of it this way--(along with fueling up for you 1/2 this week)...if you didn't NEED this extra, you wouldn't be hungry for it!! DO NOT STRESS. I know easier said than done, but seriously...when you start freaking out, drink green tea, do yoga, take a hot bath, anything to just kind of "rejuvenate and refresh" I know I sound like a total shrink, but it always helps me when I have panic attacks (quite frequently I might add...)
Good for you girl. Good luck at your race. ROCK THAT RUN!!
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