Flashback to High School

[[Side Notes: Flashback to High School: Senior Year

Senior year started and it was the best one ever.  I was surprised in the beginning when I was chosen to be team captain for the cross country team, even though I was one of the slowest. It was an honor for me, that and I got to hang out a lot with the boy’s cross country captains, who were some of my best friends and “the cute boys” on campus.  Yep, it wasn’t the football, soccer or baseball players at my school ladies, it was the distance runners!  Oh yeah! 

Not only did I get to lead a team for the year, but I also surprised everyone when I had to decide between yearbook and calculus as one of my classes for the year.  I’m a math girl through and through (I hate English and actually “failed” two AP exams throughout high school…no shame; it wasn’t my thing at all) but being able to travel and hang out with my friends, along with the experience of putting together everyone high school memory totally won me over.  In the beginning my dad wasn’t too excited about this concept and tried to convince me otherwise, but I was stuck on my decision and found out later that my Dad actually thanked my teachers at the end of the year for providing me with such a unique opportunity.  This was my first real stint at “doing what is best for me,” which I try to live by in every step of my life today.

But even though all those things, accomplishments and the friends I had made, I still had a small part of me wanting to be part of the “popular” crowd.  By senior year I knew many of these people and they I, but we were nothing more than acquaintances.  I felt the peer pressure all those years, that I had to try to be popular, but now I look back and really don’t’ understand why they were even popular in the first place.  It was kinda interesting to get into their heads though…

That year, my school participated in an event that hadn’t gotten too big yet, but would grow to impact so many high schools to follow: Every 15 Minutes.  Basically, the program pretends that a handful of students dies in drunk and driving related crashes and we’re taken out of school for three days, away from all family and friends, to see what really happens behind the scenes, from the trial to walking into the freezers at the mortuary.  It was a super emotional experience, as I had to write a letter to my parents and family, and all my friends were very effected.

(I had a card made out for my death.  I even had a toe tag…)

Truth be told, I was not your typical high school kid, or so I began to find out.  I was naive, thinking no one ever drank, smoked or did pot; I was a goody two shoes according to most.  But when we had to talk about our experiences one night at the hotel, if we had drank or not, what we thought about it, I was floored by the responses.  The “popular” kids all talked about the late nights getting plastered, coming to school hung over and the times that yes, they were buzzed when they drove home.  I had never had a sip of alcohol in my life and was ready and able to wait until I turned 21 to do so (PS I so did…ok, I drank at 20 in Australia but it was legal at that age! haha!).  I was amazed, and really, not wanting to be part of that crowd at all from that point forward.

(As part of the program we were escorted out of a class without notice, a body drawn on the floor outside the classroom and posed as the living dead, not allowed to speak a word or even smile to anyone.  It was really hard.)

I was most touched after the crash simulation (which I was not personally in, but was able to watch) when we had the wake, or funeral, casket and all.  All the “dead” students walked into the gym with candles and listened to two parents talk about losing their children (their kids were participating in the program).  I was crying,all the girls were crying, and even the boys were crying.  I never thought that I would be so emotional over something so, fake.  But it was so real.

(I had to write my own obituary.  It’s like writing a resume or cover letter, but 5,000x harder!)

The instant my friends were released from their seats I was swarmed with tear filled eyes that I never expected.  I knew I had some good friends, but I had people that I barely knew come up to me and say, “I’m so happy you’re not really dead.  You’re such a great person.”  It was the first day that I felt important to people outside of my family.  I had believed that I just faded into the background at my school, when in actuality I wasn’t.  It was eye opening, and astounding.

So for all my readers who are still in high school (or even in college and beyond) that might be dealing with the emotions that come with having an ED (or just in general) that you're not enough or might not matter, YOU DO. 

There is always someone thinking about you, loving you and wishing they could be with you.  You are loved, every second of everyday and are worth it.  You are always worth it. 

Have you ever heard of Every 15 minutes?  Did you partake?  What do you think of it?  ]]