[[Side Notes: Am I Killing You?
I’ve been busy this week so I haven’t talked much about well, anything from food to dealing with my eating disorder. I got an email this week though, that had me put off from the blog, which is another reason why I haven’t been posting.
I’ve basically decided that it’s normal for me to get nasty emails from readers, bloggers, whoever and the like, and yes it hurts, but I try to just brush it off and make it like they are just jealous. But this one hit me like a brick. They often say I’m a hypocrite and this one well, it put me in a place I’ve never been.
I received an email this week from someone whom I don’t know but basically asked, “Do you feel guilty in how you help kill young girls with eating disorders?” I was absolutely floored by this statement. I mean, NO. But as I read on, I started to understand their perspective and really got to thinking. They talked about my Side Notes and their detail and my ability to not hold anything back. They wanted to know if I ever thought about what I write, having the potential to cause further harm to those who are currently suffering. They figured that others who were trying to recover would take past actions as ones they could use now to further their ED.
I have always put disclaimers up on my Side Notes when I think they might be triggering, but I believe that many of them haven’t been as of late, even really much at all. Yes, I talk about what goes through my head, but I never thought any of it would lead another to cause further harm to themselves. I have gotten so many positives responses from girls that I never thought my actions as detrimental.
But I guess not. Obviously there was further detail in this email and I’m sure the person is going to be pissed I’m posting about this, but I can’t let something like this go unnoticed. So to that person, I’m sorry if you are struggling and I have triggered you. When I write about my struggles I have no intention of harming others and hoping only to show them that there are others out there like them, that they’re not alone, and recovery will come one day. I’m not out to kill them by posting about my thoughts.
So just to make sure, let me ask you: Have my posts been triggering? What would you advise me to no longer post about in my Side Notes so that others aren’t affected badly? ]]
36 comments:
i think your side notes are honest and it helps me see how YOU think through those negative thoughts towards healing. It DOES conjure up my past and hurtful things I've done to myself but you give us such hope and ways to deal with it that it's been nothing but positive!
I didn't even know you had side notes--I must be dense! In general, I think people should only read what's good for them. If you don't agree or it triggers you or it annoys you, read something else! The blog world and larger online universe are HUGE. Keep writing--I love it.
I think you are being honest in your side notes. I realize that other people read this blog, but ultimately it is for you. I think you are doing a world of good sharing your feeling with people, it is so incredibly brave!
Nope. I LOVE THEM. It is a form of therapy for you and a way to help us learn through you!!! I am so sorry about that email. I have gotten rude emails too and you are right, it kind of comes with the territory. There are thousands that love everything about your blog but every once in a while there is going to be someone that won't. LOVE YOU!!
I like the Side Notes. I don't think you should stop posting them because they're honest and I can relate to them a lot. You do post a warning, too.
I don't think it's right for the person who emailed you to think the information in them is bad. It's like a tool- it can be used for good, or it can be used for harm. It's up to the person who reads what they do with the information- not you, you're just presenting your side of things.
And to be honest, if ED sufferers are wanting "tips", they're going to get them somehow. If they stumble onto your blog at least they see that recovery is possible.
A.L.
I am recovering, and I think that you are fine. This is ridiculous, and just one of those emails you need to brush off. This is your blog, and I have never been triggered by it-and I am rather easily triggered.
I know that this might not be proper, but I am very desperate and I just am needing to reach out to the blogging community. Please read this blog-the second issue addressed-to understand. http://divinelyvegan.wordpress.com/2011/05/22/very-important-post-help-needed/
Melissa!
You're blog is wonderful. We've emailed a few times back and forth and you know I'm a recovered anorexic (of course, always in recovery..but still). If your words are triggers for other people, then they need to get some more help. I find your honesty (as always) refreshing and if nothing more, a comfort knowing that I am not the only person who has ever felt that way or experienced the things you write about. ED's are isolating and it's helpful to have someone be honest that you struggle just like everyone else. Who doesn't? You're fine - just like I've always said - you're fabulous :-) It's your blog. They don't have to read it if they don't want to.
I'll email you a more detailed response :-)
Your friend in PA - Katie
Hey Melissa, I am 14 years old, living in London, and I developed Bulimia/Anorexia about 1.5 years ago. Since then I have been in hospital over night due to heart problems and I am currently close to staying in a private clinic but fighting as much as I can to stay at home. Discovering healthy living blogs has really impacted my thoughts and how I understand nutrition and what is required for a healthy life style. Personally, I find your side notes helpful in some ways. Yes, I enjoy reading your blog and seeing all the 'eats' from your day, but the triggering aspect is understandable as I imagine some one who is as recovered as you are tries to fight 'the voice' and succeeds for the majority of the time. As I am still pretty deep into my Anorexia I think that reading your perspective on your ED shows me that once I am recovered, or in a mind frame that is more like yours, I will be faced with angry and stressful thoughts about restricting and self loathing, but in the end you can over come it and just live healthily and have a more balanced life style. Basically, don't worry as some people may be triggered by anything they read about EDs and this is your blog where you talk about what is on your mind, including all the problems you face in you life as a person who once suffered with an ED and has overcome obstacles to achieve a healthier and happier life. Keep up the wonderful blogging :)
I like your sidenotes. They are similar experiances that I've been through or am currently going through and to see someone else and how they handle them sometimes helps. I know I've read a couple of yours and they made me realize I was thinking about something in the wrong perspective. It helps in showing that there are others out there who get through it and find a way to deal.
Your side notes are the OPPOSITE of triggering.
What triggers me is: photos of thin girls in shorts and tank top showing the thinness of their thighs and stomach and photos of small quantities of food (makes me think I'm eating too much).
You do neither. You are perfect. Your side notes are extremely helpful. Please don't stop writing them.
Wow, I'm FLOORED that you get any negative feedback at all. I always think of your blog as a positive place for girls to be able to get some support, to relate to someone going through the same thing, and to be reminded that everyone backslides but can climb back up like you have. You're an amazing blogger with so much insight on ED. Your journey to Heal is inspirational and I think very normal for a healing process. If you ONLY talked about how your journey is perfect and you're not having any troubles, others might feel insecure and I can't imagine they would be able to relate to you. Youre speaking YOUR truth. You're doing great. Remember, you can't please them all. Haters are going to hate. We love you!!
divinelyvegan, the pictures on your blog are very triggering.
Girl, NO. There was a great panel this weekend at FitBloggin on blogger responsibility, and someone brought up the topic of READER responsibility. Your posts are honest and often thought-provoking, but I have never, ever found them in the least bit triggering. If someone DOES, that is not your issue. We're all adults, and while eating disorders are very real, people must take responsibility for their actions and just not read a blog they find triggering. Someone else brought up the point that LIFE is triggering- there will always be photos of models and commercials for diet foods. At some point, we all have to learn to deal with those triggers. That being said, I don't in any way think your blog is triggering, and I actually think that your side notes could be HELPFUL to someone who needs reassurance that they CAN overcome this!
Wow- thats quite an email. I think you're doing a fabulous job with your posts. This is your space and I think your warnings on posts you think may be triggering are perfect. Keep doing what you do!
I find your blog really inspirational and interesting to read. I can see the person's point of view to an extent, but in the end it is your blog to let out whatever you want to say. If people are going to find it triggering, they should avoid reading it after seeing the disclaimer. Please keep writing :)
I totally disagree witht he email - I find your side nodes so so helpful. It's so easy if you're recovering to read a blog of someone who has, see their 'perfect' life where they never slip up and are all la-de-da, and to feel crap about yourself. Reading your notes helps me see that recovery takes TIME. Noone gets there overnight, and it's something we need to work at. I love how honest you are, and the fact that you recognise disordered thoughts is a BIG step, and one I find inspirational.
Please don't stop them - they are NOT triggering (to me at least!) and are inspirational. I don't feel so alone, knowing that someone who is basically recovered still struggles from time to time.
Oh, and I second Gabriela - if someone finds your posts triggering, then DO NOT READ THEM.! There are so many triggering things out there..they should not blame it on a blog like yours.
You rock Melissa :)
To answer your question ABSOLUTELY not.
No.
However. I am not sure I understand what "triggering" is and I never use the word because I hate it. Implies that something other than you has control of the ED. Like ...I dunno. I would never have purged right now but I watched that movie. Huh?
Anyways, your sidenotes are HELPFUL not harmful.
As someone with an eating disordered past, Absolutely NOT. You talk mostly about your struggles and how you overcome them so I would think it would be helpful and encouraging.
We all get emails from people like that, and honestly if girls are looking for something to help further their eating disorder there are PLENTY of sites they can go to. Yours is not one of them
Keep up the GOOD work girl:)
As someone with an eating disordered past, Absolutely NOT. You talk mostly about your struggles and how you overcome them so I would think it would be helpful and encouraging.
We all get emails from people like that, and honestly if girls are looking for something to help further their eating disorder there are PLENTY of sites they can go to. Yours is not one of them
Keep up the GOOD work girl:)
I think you're doing a fantastic job! Keep it up :)
Honestly, anyone can use anything as a trigger. You got into a fight with your mom/sister/dad/person at work? Therefore you should go run 10 miles a day while living off of 2 apples/day. Going through a bad breakup? Then you should binge on bags of candy to get over it.
My point is, at some point people need to be responsible for their own actions. If they use food to cope with anything and everything in life that they read or happens to them then they should stop blaming other people for it.
Is your blog "triggering", no. I think it's more that whoever thinks your blog is a trigger already decided to harm themselves in some way BEFORE reading your blog and then tried to justify it by telling you it's your fault they harmed themselves.
I don't mean to come off mean but that email made me angry.
Don't you dare let one nasty email stop you from blogging. I think you are very brave for putting it all out there and I commend you for speaking so freely about something that is usually kept in the dark out of shame or fear. I wish you success in your ongoing recovery and healthy lifestyle. You are doing great.
I think the cliche works here: honesty is the best policy. If you weren't being true to yourself and putting it all out there, then your blog wouldn't be YOUR blog. It wouldn't represent you so thoroughly and transparently. You're a beautiful writer, Melissa, and your words deserve an audience. There are always going to be people who don't agree with our opinions - if we all agreed, the world would be a very monotonous place! You are giving others who have been where you are a voice and you should be very, very proud.
That is all. :)
I don't think they are triggering at all. I think the actions of bloggers who are actively suffering, but not admitting it to themselves of anyone else are triggering. I realise, however, that other people may be triggered by things that I am not since I have been recovered for a long while. Still, there's something to be said for the headspace that you have to be in when you blame someone else for stirring up personal issues. I definitely feel bloggers have a responsibility to be respectful, and I think you have done just that with your Side Notes series. I think you've helped far more people than you have triggered...and for those that have felt triggered, well there are a million things on the Internet and in their daily lives that can feed into that. Do they yell at every person who has ever said something that triggers them? People can trigger me with things they never would have expected. When they scrutinise my food. When they compliment me on my curves. When they talk about how well proportioned I am. Seriously, how could anyone know that telling me I have a nice shape is triggering? We can't know everyone's soft spot, and while I believe that blogger responsibility is a serious consideration, there's only so far you can go without being inside everyone else's head.
Bottom line- it's your blog. I appreciate your desire to be sensitive to people with an ED, but I think ultimately you're sharing your story and that deserves respect (I have a sister in recovery and myself have grown aware of triggers- I don't see anything "in your face" on here). You're awesome and I love reading about your job- don't abandon us!
I appreciate the refreshing honesty of the Side Notes. As a recovered anorexic, I empathize with your struggles and am empowered by your successes. You are in a position to change lives, and I believe you are changing them for the better. Don't let anyone tell you any differently.
Oh wow. WHERE do I even start? I love your side notes because they can put into words what I can't.. it makes me feel not so alone and not so crazy. And they have helped me a LOT! On the other hand, I'm not in the midst of an ED or just recovering.. I'm recovered (wow I can say that!) and I can see how they might be the least bit triggering for someone who is. On the other hand, you DO warn people.. soo.. it's a tricky situation. But honestly, I think you are doing WAY WAY more help than harm! Keep doing what you're doing girl!
Love you!
Oh, Melissa, your side notes are incredibly helpful!!! Let's face it, the internet cannot be censored. People have to take their own precautions when reading certain sites. I've never EVER once thought that your side notes were harmful. Sure, you talk about unhealthy habits but you then go on to talk about how you OVERCAME them or how you're going about overcoming them.
LOVE YOU!!!
xxxx
Your posts are NEVER triggering, I think the side notes are fabulous and I use them often. Melissa, you are an amazing, beautiful woman and I can truly say you are helping me in my recovery too - hope that doesn't sound too creepy :p :D And I am seriously considering starting a blog now too, so thank you! Sending masses of love from windy Wales <3 xx
I'm sorry about that email! I can understand that whoever sent it must have been concerned, but there are certainly nicer, more tactful ways to go about addressing a concern. I don't have an eating disorder, and I'm a relatively new reader, but from what I have read, you are a very encouraging blogger, hoping to help girls through the same struggles. Keep doing what you're doing, Melissa!
As I read this post, I nearly began crying. I found your blog when I was still severely underweight. I had just begun recovery and was amazed that there were other people out there who had been through what I've been through. I scrolled through your posts for hours, and each side note brought me more hope. If anything, Melissa, your blog gave me motivation to perservere in my recovery. I have never been triggered by what you've mentioned in you posts, and I think that any person in recovery must practice reader responsibility.
Thank you for all that your blog has given me, and I hope that a fear of triggering doesn't hold you back from being as honest as you've been in the past. Stay brave<3
Being aware of how someone will react to what a blogger says or does is good, but really is not reality. I mean, we blog to be honest, right? I think your blog is great, one reason I love it is because you are open and honest. We cannot protect everyone. All we can do is share and hope we help someone along the way. I remember talking about this topic with other bloggers, and when do you stop saying this because of fear of how someone else (someone we do not know) will react. It is hard, but really your blog is you, so do what you want! HUGS keep on writing girl
Melissa,
Your side notes are so honest and are a way of expressing yourself. By no means should you stop them. I know personally, that I am NOT triggered in anyway by them. I find them encouraging and they provide me with hope. I can also relate to them and I feel like you are writing what I am too afraid to admit sometimes. Thank you for your beautiful writing! :)
Okay I am days behind on my reader but I feel the need to comment here as someone who is "triggered" easily (literally changing which car we are taking somewhere will set me off) I have never once been triggered by your blog - I find it refreshing that you admit to still struggling and yet mostly do what's "right" I look up to it and want to get there
So the moral is, I say, keep up the good work!
I am completely honest when I say that I really think the person who emailed you clearly has displaced feelings in regards to their own struggles. Your side notes are nothing but true accounts of what YOU deal with in your own LIFE and STRUGGLES. I feel hopeful when I read your side notes and have never felt anything else. ED or not, your side notes show strength, courage, and determination to life a healthy life.
I hope you continue to be as honest as you have been -- they are a wonderful part of your blog.
Post a Comment