Let’s Meet Katy @ rediscoverED

[Hey everyone!  It’s going to be a busy week this week, ya know, running around Kauai so I’ve asked a few of my favorite bloggers to help me out to keep you entertained and bring you something good to read!  You’re going to love Katy’s post and blog!  Thanks again Katy!!  And I will visit you some day in New Zealand! ]

Hello, Trying to Healers! Melissa has kindly asked me to write a post on recovery from an eating disorder which I am incredibly honoured to do! I have read Melissa’s blog for many years now and I have found so much inspiration from her words. Thank you, Melissa, for sharing your experiences and for being so honest! I know that there are so many people out there who can relate to everything you’ve been through so thank you again.

My name is Katy and I write over at rediscoverED where I share my journey towards recovering from an eating disorder. I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa after 5 years of suffering from an eating disorder but it wasn’t until my eating disorder had a name that I really realised the seriousness of what I was doing to myself. I’m not going to go too much into it right now but you can read up on my ED story here.

What I want to talk about is the process of recovering from an eating disorder or in this case, anorexia/bulimia. There is a very common misconception about eating disorders and that is that they are vain obsessions that go too far. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.  Eating disorders are far more complex than that. As Melissa has so honestly demonstrated in her side notes series, there are so many aspects of an eating disorder that people in everyday life just do not see.  More often than not, you’ll find that the sufferer turns to unhealthy eating and/or exercise habits as a means of coping with something traumatic that may have happened in the past or present or even just for coping with everyday life issues. For me, it was all about over-exercise and eating only pure foods as a means of gaining some control in my life. Around the time that I started to develop strange eating habits was when my life started to change and this was the only way that I could gain some control back in my life. Or so it seemed at the time. Another point that I would like to stress is that every eating disorder is different. Sure the same two people can exhibit the same symptoms such as starving, binging or purging, but the reasons as to why they are resorting to these behaviours are more often than not for different reasons. Don't compare your illness to anyone elses.

So why choose to recover?

Well, I think the question to ask yourself here is, “why not?” As a post-mod on an eating disorder recovery forum, I read far too much about people who don’t feel like they are “sick enough” to recover. These people feel as though they need to be emaciated or at least below the anorexic BMI in order to ask for help and it saddens me greatly because these people have the greatest chance of recovering fully from their disorders as they do not need to go through the mental and physical exhaustion of gaining weight. There is just no such thing as not being sick enough to deserve to ask for help. Being able to accept that you are sick and that you need help is a huge step in recovering from an eating disorder.

I can’t afford to get treatment. Is it possible to recover from home?

Short answer: Yes! From my experience, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to go IP but I knew that for me, the only way that I could recover was to do so from the comfort of my own home. I knew that I could go away and gain weight but when I would return home, I would still have my unhealthy habits engrained in me and thus I would resort back to them. I knew that I had to teach myself new habits at home and normalize these healthy habits.

What advice would you give to someone who is recovering from home?

The most important advice would be to make sure you at least have a doctor monitoring you on a weekly basis at the least, and if possible, sought out a therapist or counsellor that can help you manage your feelings and help you with the emotional side of recovery. If you are studying at university or high school, I would highly recommend that you make use of the student health services as they are free and, from my experience, they are well trained and are willing to help you in any way possible.

I would also highly recommend finding support online. During my early stages of recovery, I religiously watched this channel to give me inspiration. I also turned to an eating disorder recovery forum called We Bite Back where I found support from those who could relate to what I was going through. This forum ranges from fully recovered people to people who are just choosing to recover and I have met some amazing people on this site. Two of which I now consider to be my closest friends. I have a journal called “Poppet’s Tale” on there that might give you some insight as to how far I’ve come if you wish to read. If you join, prepare to be challenged ;)

Handling weight gain

Gaining weight is probably one of the hardest parts of recovery. When I would mention to my friends that I needed to gain at least 22 pounds, they were all saying how jealous they were of me and that if they were me, they’d pig out on everything under the sun. Was this the case for me? Of course not! I was absolutely petrified of gaining weight, let alone the thought of gaining that much. I was so afraid that I would be disgusted of myself and that I wouldn’t be able to handle being able to look at myself in the mirror for fear of hating myself so much. But they were all just disordered thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the physical side of gaining weight, why not concentrate on the positive aspects of it like how much stronger you feel or how much softer your skin is. Look into your eyes and notice how much they sparkle. Notice the simple things in life like being able to laugh at something funny or having the energy to go out and be social. These are the things that make life what it is. It’s not about what you look like or how much you weigh. Scales are for fish, after all.

Now that I am here at a healthy weight I love myself more than ever! I have never been as grateful for my body as I am now. I have boobs and a butt. I no longer look like an 8 year old boy or the walking dead. And you know what? I love food!!! Due to the help of my counsellor, we were able to tackle why I feared certain foods and why I was truly avoiding them. Turns out, the only reason I was avoiding them was because I feared getting “fat”. Yeah…that’s not a good enough reason for me to avoid food these days. I now have fun with my food. For those that know me, I’m an avid baker.

Blondie, anyone?

I use real ingredients like butter, oil and sugar and I don’t skimp on them either. You will never see me eating low-fat anything. In my opinion, it’s go full-fat or go home (Unfortunately, too many people choose the "go home" option). Sometimes I’ll have cake for lunch or sometimes it’s a sandwich and a brownie.  Most recently there has been a lot of this in my life:

I'm sure some of you can relate?

If you are struggling with an ED, recovering from an eating disorder is without a doubt the hardest thing you will ever have to do but yet it is the most rewarding thing you'll ever do. It's an ongoing journey where you learn so much about yourself. You learn your true likes and dislikes. You look at the world in a whole new way and you see beyond what you ever used to see. You can’t expect recovery to be all happy bunnies and rainbows. There will be days when you can’t bear to look at yourself in the mirror or days when you don’t want to see another morsel of food, but the days do get easier, I can promiseyou that. There are going to be days where you slip but you tomorrow will always be another day; a new day. You will have unbearable thoughts at times but thoughts are just thoughts. They are not facts or demands. Just acknowledge that they’re there and carry on about your business. Easier said than done, right? There is no reason as to why someone can’t recover from an eating disorder. With determination and perseverance you can achieve anything.

Recover.

Why?

Because you can!

Now BITE BACK!

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Much love,

Katy

xxx

xx

x