[[Side Notes: Dear Brain, Love Body…
Dear Melissa’s Brain,
What is your problem? Where do you get all these crazy ass ideas from? Why do you treat me so…badly? With such hatred? With such neglect and torture? Why, why, why? Why do you cause me so much pain?
I have been putting up with you for almost 26 years, the last 8 1/2 being the troublesome ones. You had moments of revelation where everything was going so nice, only to have you turn around and kick me square in the face. Lets look at the current situation shall we?
Almost two weeks ago, something tweaked in your hip, deep down in the tissue that you can’t figure out. You thought a few days off would do the trick, but no, it’s been almost 14 and you’re fuming. You’re blaming me because it’s part of me, but not because it hurts, because of two other things: You can’t burn calories, and I’m going to get you fat. Yep, how does it feel for me to put it out there? I know it’s what scares you the most. Did you ever think this was me trying to send you a message? That you’re doing too much and need to slow down? And that SHOCKER, you can trust me and we won’t get FAT overnight? Fourteen days and your pants still fit, correct? Yes, because you wore them today without fail. You have to understand what I’m telling you and really listen. I’m doing what’s best for you right now; this second. The world will not end as this happens.
As far as the calorie burn thought goes, that is not what running is for. It’s for enjoyment, the experience, the social factor (ie races) and so much more. It’s supposed to be something that amazes you every time you put your shoes on and head out the door. It is not meant to be there solely to burn off those cookies or crackers! You were doing so well with the “running does not equal calories burned” mentality while training for the San Diego Marathon; where did it go? I know you think you dropped it at mile 18 but that’s not the case. It’s still in there, you’re just pushing it aside. Find it.
And did you ever think you could do something else? I know you always say you’re just a runner, only a runner, but it doesn’t have to be the case. You can swim and it’s ok if you’re not a pro at it. You can bike, and it’s ok if you don’t succeed at first. Try and try again. You do just that with running. You don’t try these other things because you’re afraid you won’t do them well, but it’s not the case. Your running is not 100% perfect either, so why should these? You have absolutely no excuse, no excuse at all. You can do absolutely anything you put your mind to. so focus on the other things you always say you will: yoga, pilates, boxing, swimming, tennis, karate, the piano, the guitar, your blog, the environment, your book, anything!
To be continued….
Previous Letter: Dear Body… ]]
11 comments:
I think my body would write a similar letter to my brain. I can focus on swimming and biking, but I'm no 'good' at them so I don't put in as much effort as I should, and get angry at my body for not letting me run, and for putting on weight while I can't exercise as much as I should.
Please be careful with that hip: it sounds an awful lot like some of the symptoms I had a few months back, only I carried on running on it only to sustain two pelvic stress fractures. Is there any way you can get an MRI to see what's going on?
Take care!
xxx
I used to run all the time just to burn calories. I remember staring at the numbers on the treadmill, it would drive to go farther, but in the end I was not enjoying running. I ran because I could escape, so once that feeling stopped, I stopped running. And now loving new things for exercise. It is hard getting the brain to catch up with what your body wants or needs.
Take care of yourself first! Running second.
xoxo
Michelle
:( It's good to get your feelings out. Although you are an amazing runner I DO sometimes think you do it for the calories and not the goal/the time/the enjoyment. Do other things that challenge your body and it'll open your mind to new possibilities.
You wrote this so beautifully. I'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. But I have found that blogging about the silly things in my head really helps to get the thoughts off of my chest. I hope your hip heals really really soon <3 <3
beautifully written xoxo
take care of that body, it's the only one you get.
I've been going through the same thing. I hurt my leg in May from over-exercising. I was running intervals on the treadmill like nobody's business, but not to work on my speed, it was to burn more calories and loose weight. I'm finally back into running and I'm trying hard to enjoy it for what it is, but those thoughts keep creeping back in my head: now that i'm running again maybe i'll lose a few pounds, longer distances mean more calories! It's awful. I hope both of us find a way to get past this mindset.
This was beautifully written. I know how it goes to love running, but sometimes run because ED tells you to or to burn calories. It's so sad for both of us that we can't just LOVE it like so many athletes love a sport.
I hope your hip feels better soon.
A.L.
I have also been dealing with a hip injury that kept me from running for a couple weeks - and I completely understand the mental anguish that accompanies not being able to run. I pray you find comfort, relief, peace ... and that your body heals as well. Take care.
Re ~Jessica~: Thanks for the comment. I have not gone to see a doctor because I'm so stinking stubborn but after talking to a nurse friend I plan on going next week and hopefully get a referral to a PT. I hope you're doing well and your hip is 100%!
Re My Marble Rye: Hey Lady. Yes, I have days where running is simply to burn calories, but then some days when its because I love the wind in my hard and pounding out the pavement. One day it will never be running to burn...
Re Katie: One day we will get there. We just have to keep thinking positive and really, change it up a bit so it's not just us running, ya know? I've found that running with friends and doing races brings enjoyment to the sport when all I want to do is burn calories, ya know? Best of luck lady, I know we can do it!
Hi Melissa,
I've been reading your blog for a while now and wanted to comment. I think it is very brave of you to share your struggles in such a public way. Thank you!
Valerie
I love this post! I get stuck in the same feelings, and anger towards my body when it is tired or run down and cant physically perform the things I feel it should in order for me to eat. Silly me, who would ever think a person needs to eat merely to live?! Thanks for always being so honest. Pretty much every time I feel like I myself could have written the same post.
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