In 13 days, I will be 26 years old. I still can’t believe that all that time has gone by. I remember when I was around 10 years old, and thought being 22 was so far away and I was going to be so old. At that time, I had no idea what I’d be doing, where I’d be, or how I’d be.
Oh how things changed since I was 10.
I have to admit, I used to LOVE birthdays. It was MY DAY out of the year; I got to pick out the restaurant the family would go to (it was the only time we ever went out to dinner too! Birthdays and good report cards!), the flavor of the cake and toppings, and what kind of party I would have. They were glorious birthdays, without any shame or guilt or worries.
But then I grew up. Yeah, I kind of grew out of birthdays and I tried to be with my family every year, a little before or after my birthday, because I was always away at school, something still happened. But then 9/11 happened, and my birthday became something of the past.
I remember that day to a T. The memory of the whole thing replays in my mind if I think about it for a second, and I’m covered in goose bumps. I did not know anyone that was killed on 9/11, but when I walked into my 11th grade US History class that morning after an hour of pre-calculus for zero period and no idea what was going on, I was absolutely horrified. I remember the second that I saw the TV, watching the second plane crash into the tower and everything falling to the ground.
My life has never been the same since. To this day, I cannot watch footage of 9/11. I feel the tears well in my eyes, the goose bumps cover my body and I can’t speak. And ever since then, I’ve never enjoyed my birthday. Why? For the past ten years, it has always seemed like the month of September was one of mourning. In no way should I be celebrating my birthday.
But this year, 10 years after it’s happened, I need to enjoy my birthday. Since that happened, I have been through a lot more in my life than I thought I’d ever go through, including losing grandparents, friends, developing anorexia and so many other symptoms thereafter, living out of the country, moving around the country, chasing birds as my profession, etc.
This year, my birthday will occur on Kauai. I don’t know if Whit has anything planned (hint:hint; haha) but seeing my family a few days before I leave for the island, and then spending time with his family and him will be different. For many years my actual birthday, the 20th, was spent alone; I was either in college, in the field, working, living away from home, etc. But not this year.
Not only do I want to actually enjoy my birthday this year, but indeed, the year that will follow it leading to the 27th. The past year has had so many ups and downs and more ups and more downs. Right now it’s on a down slope, but I hope and am working hard to change that. There is no reason that I should not be enjoying my life since I am able to do what I love for work, be around the people I love and enjoy, travel all over the world, and experience things that people would probably never think of doing in their wildest dreams.
My life does not need to be a pity party put on by me, it needs to be a life filled with as much as I can do that I am able.
So this birthday will be different. This birthday, I will enjoy. This birthday, will be the start of something new. 13 days and counting.
Do you still celebrate you birthday? Any traditions?! I love to hear about birthday traditions!
11 comments:
Yay! Happy Birthday my dear. (well, happy early birthday!)
It's going to be a fantastic 26th year for you!
Happy early birthday! What a wonderful way to spend it - in Kauai! I definitely love celebrating my birthday because it's one of the few 'special days' of the year that isn't associated with religion, historical untruths (e.g. Columbus day), pressure to buy gifts, etc. I like to celebrate it for an entire week and insist that everyone be nice to me :-) Way better than gifts.
I definitely don't celebrate my birthday like I did when I was a kid, but my husband will probably take me out, and I'm guessing my family will buy me gifts. My coworkers will probably take me out too because we usually go out for birthdays. But really, that's about it.
I do get a free 1/2 day off work too, which is nice :).
Your 9/11 story sounds a lot like mine because we were both in 11th grade (I turn 26 in October). I'm trying NOT to watch the footage on TV, but it's hard. Right after 9-11 was when my issues with self-harm started and depression and stuff, and I don't think it was related to 9-11 really, but I just remember being SO anxious, paranoid, and scared for several months.
It definitely changed everyone's day to day life in the US, but especially people our age because it was the first defining event of our lifetimes that we could truly understand, yet we were still young enough to not fully understand foreign policies or what would come from it.
I hope you have a great birthday anyway :). Good luck with staying away from the TV, and I'm sure Whit has something amazing planned for you guys!
A.L.
I hope you have a great birthday in Kauai! How fun! My birthday is a few weeks after yours (Oct 2nd and I'll be 28! Scary.)
I was in my first year of college during 9/11. That day is still so fresh in my mind. It was weird for me to be celebrating too. I know what you mean.
At the same time, celebrating life is so important. You deserve it and like you said, it's time you enjoyed your birthday. And every birthday to follow! :)
Wow. I can't believe it's been 10 years since that horrific day. I will always remember that day and how insane it was to watch it unfold on TV.
I always thought about those of you who have birthdays on such a sombre day. I would probably feel bad celebrating too, but I'm glad that this year you feel peace in your heart to celebrate you. You deserve it.
I am so happy you will be celebrating!! You deserve to!
I have a twin sister, and I distinctly remember being 5 or 6 and just crying - my Mom asked why and I thought because I was 30 minutes older than my sister, I only got to celebrate for 30 minutes and she got the rest of the day and I didn't think it was fair!
My birthday is just another day now, but when I was a kid I LOVED my birthday! It was (and still is) over the March break so I never had to go to school which was a good thing back in the day. ;)
I think spending your b-day in Hawaii will be just AWESOME!
happy early birthday!! and heck yes I make my birthday a celebration! HA! my husband actually said to me this year "CJ, you are 24 years old, when are you going to stop insisting that this is YOUR day?" hes just bitter because hes turning 30 :-)
I hope you enjoy your time in Kuai, you totally deserve a vacation!!!
Birthday in Hawaii sounds perfect! I hope the boyfriend plans something nice. :)
Happy [early] birthday! My bday is exactly one week after yours so September is "birthday month" in my mind :P It had a lot more meaning when I was younger and I used to countdown everyday to make sure my family knew exactly when my bday was but like you, since going to college, it's lost some of it's meaning :/
I always celebrate my birthday. Usually it's low key - dinner out with friends or family - but I still celebrate, regardless of how old I get.
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