Thursday, March 31, 2011

Smoothie Kick

Smoothies are meals, right? So I can rightfully have one for breakfast…and dinner in one day right?  I got my veggies in at lunch!  Promise!

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What’s in it? I don’t feel like typing it, so see for yourself:

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There was also frozen berries.

Today was an extremely long day.  The next month is going to be pretty hard and time consuming so I apologize now for my absences now as they’re bound to come.

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Mid morning snack of berries and a brownie zbar while off-roading my brains out.  Seriously, I always have crazy shoulder tension because I’m always holding the steering wheel with a death grip.

Lunch was kinda like the leftover vegan pizza I had yesterday

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And instead in the form of a sandwich (tempeh, marinara, spinach)And squash on the side.  Indian spices included.

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I had an apple, a clementine and some OMG DARK CHOCOLATE MINI CADBURY EGGS throughout the afternoon diving around and surveying the desert.  11 hour work days are exhausting!

I came home, ran a quick 4.5 miles plus some abs then got on dinner…see, this is what happens when I get tired and Whit’s not around for me to cook for.  I get lazy.

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I know, looks like moldy poo but it wasn’t; promise.  Think berries, frozen mango, protein powder and USVAB.  So.Freakn.Good.  And of course my favorite Kashi Honey Sunshine.

And now, I’m ready for bed.  But I’ll leave you with this guessing game.  Any ideas what this is?!?!?!  Think historical!!!

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(Sorry if I sound kinda nuts; I’m absolutely exhausted!)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Sorry no post tonight! My internet doesnt want to work! But I'll have an exciting post tomorrow for you! Have a great Thursday!

So Many Things!

First off, WINNING!  Who gets some Endangered Species Chocolate?!

Haley from Green Plate Dinners!!!

Congrats girl! Shoot me an email (trying[dot]to[dot]heal[at]gmail[dot]com) and I’ll send that package off, maybe with an extra something too!

Secondly, dudddddddddddddddde…where is my appetite?  I am craving absolutely nothing, making meals very hard to pack for the field.  Goodness.

Ok, I lied, I did want another smoothie this morning, but I’m out of frozen fruit.  That doesn’t work well.  I know I could have used the only banana I had left but I didn’t have enough almond milk.  Geez.  I ended up finishing off my cheerios, added a banana with a bit of TJ’s Almond Vanilla Granola and the last bit of USVAB. 

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Yeah, not exciting.

But then I made it more fun, with a few of my oatmeal cookies.  Oh yeah. 7am ain’t got nothin on me.

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At least this was absolutely GORGEOUS!!!

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These views never get old for me…

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Evidence the snow it melting

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I started to feel a bit odd later in the morning so I snacked on the carrots.  I didn’t eat the cucumber…it had sadly dried out.  How I didn’t notice that when packing it is beyond me.

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Just after that I was driving along to my next point when I started to feel absolutely horrible.  I had this pain in my belly that had me on the point of barfing when I realized I hadn’t really eaten anything in like, 5 hours.  Oops.  I quickly scarfed down my hummus veggies sandwich and an apple.

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And I knew that wasn’t going to do it.  I immediately grabbed one of my mini clif bars, but then realized that was probably not going to be enough either so I ate my favorite clif bar instead: white chocolate macadamia nut.

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Oh yeah baby.  Watching a hawk and snacking on that makes my life good…!

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Anyone know this kind of flower? I thought it was pretty!

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I got home and snacked on a pb chip banana muffin from last night before getting to the gym for my first run since the half.  That 4.15 miles flew by!  I don’t ever had the stats displayed so when I finally toggled over after some good songs I realized I was done!  I kept it at an easy pace as not to upset anything that still might be healing from Sunday!  Still in disbelief over that time!

I got home and did about 10 min of strength training before my flower bearing boyfriend walked through the door…with TJ’s of course. Haha. But no joke, today I was thinking, “I wish Whit would surprise me with some flowers.  I’d really like that.”  Lo and behold…I don’t have a picture of them for you thought because they haven’t bloomed…daffodils to come!

In his bag of TJ’s goodies was the base for our dinner tonight: Pizza!

As much as I really wanted a smoothie, I thought I’d wait till morning and have some veggies to fill my quota for the day.  We used a garlic and herb crust, which I spread marinara sauce on, then topped with chopped tomatoes, broccoli, onions, artichoke hearts and vegan sausages.

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I had four squares!  Guess that run made me a bit more hungry than I thought…

Of course dinner was another baked good (Blackberry Chocolate Chip Bread)…you’d think I’d be sick of these breads/muffins but I’m not.  I like that I make them with whole ingredients and not too much sweetener!  Natural is the way to go!

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And third, a Side Note:

[[Side Notes: Jinx’d: What Guilt?

See, I was afraid this was going to happen.  I even explained this to my counselor but she reassured me that I was moving in the right direction and wouldn’t just be a phase.  I’m the only one that can make it not a phase.

And so I did.

I was tired today when I woke up.  I knew it was going to be a long day with plans changing all over the place and things going differently than planned.  Add to it that I haven’t had an appetite of anything really in the past 3-4 weeks and I’m frustrated. 

A lot.

I ate breakfast this morning and finished disappointed.  I was no where near satisfied but didn’t really have much else to choose from.  That’s why those oatmeal cookies came into the picture.  I thought the chocolate might help at least make my taste buds happy but instead it pulled forth this other feeling of….yep, GUILT.

I immediately recognized it and fought it. I knew why I was focusing on that (reasons listed above) plus not working out the day before (which I reasoned through also; I mean hello self, you ran your best 1/2 marathon to date just two days before! REST WOMAN!).  I made myself stand and breath for a minute, brush my teeth to get the lingering emotions out of me (ie chocolate taste in my mouth; crazy right?) and head out to work.

I focused on the things that I knew could lift my spirits.  I counted some great birds and admired the blooming colors all around me. How could I not.  (Remember that picture from the top of my last night? It’s so big and vibrant I could see it almost 100 miles away!!)

By the time lunch came around and my body was feeling horrible, I knew I needed the food but didn’t want to eat it.  Something inside of me was mad, but I knew it wasn’t me.  I ate that sandwich and apple and knew it was too light.  I actually grabbed a mini clif bar originally thinking that was enough, but immediately recognized my behavior in the works (mini = less calories).

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I even took the picture because I really thought I was going to have it.  I instantly chucked it into the back of the jeep and rummaged around for the other clif bar, the one I wanted and the one I knew was going to be better for my ever-so-lacking-energy body and mind.

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After I finished that bar I felt so much more at ease. I knew I had beaten the guilty monster.  I knew I had.  There was still a wee part of me that was trying to convince myself otherwise but I didn’t let it.  I fueled myself properly and moved on.

Guilt is only present and persistent if you let yourself dwell on it.  Or let it come about when other things are bothering you.  There is no need for it in our lives.

I have better things to think about other than feeling the need to feel bad about something I’ve eaten and therefore have to do something about that eaten something.

Not this time.  ]]

Monday, March 28, 2011

It’s Spring!

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Don’t let that fool you though…it was in the high 40’s with around 35mph winds! I was dying out there in so many layers I could barely move!  But, I got to see what I was looking for!  Sadly I can’t disclose anything other than that to you…I signed my life away to them.

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I don’t know what the little yellow flowers are but the poppies are coming out!  I love the poppies!

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Anyhow, that smoothie from breakfast was really early (cat woke me up just after 5am) so I had a nice snack of two handfuls of pistachios and an apple.  It wasn’t enough so I grabbed a muffin as I walked out the door to the field.

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Crazy wind blown and happy, I headed home and ate my lunch: pb and banana sandwich. And a few slices of dried mango too. Man, I love those things.  I need to figure out how to make my own when mango season starts!!!  I’m going to gorge on them when I go to Kauai in May!  Yay!

I spent the rest of the afternoon baking up a storm…it’s too freak’n cold and gloomy outside not too.  That and I had two very very ripe bananas chill’n on the counter.  Guess that happens when you leave for three days huh? Oops.  It made something delicious though!

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PB Chip (Sunprise Brand) Banana Muffins

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Blackberry Chocolate Chip Bread

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Chocolate Chip Walnut Oatmeal Cookies
(Please disregard my cracking baking pan; I’m old school and love my pans!)

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Mama Pea’s Dough Ball Cookies
(as you can tell they didn’t come out quite…high?  Hah!)

Anyway…I caught up on a few things and finally realized what time it was: Dinner! I had black beans leftover from last weeks enchiladas so I sautéed them in some spices with frozen onions and bell pepper on top of a salad with organic blue corn chips on the side.  Of course I smashed them up to add crunch to the salad.

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And for dessert I had to try one of my baked goods!  Blackberry bread anyone!?

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Cut fresh off the loaf…!

And now I need to do all the dishes.  Oiy.


The Endangered Species Chocolate Giveaway ends TOMORROW!!!!  So get your comments in!!!

What Guilt?

[[Side Notes: What Guilt?

One of the things that I have struggled with the most over the past several years with my ED is GUILT.  Over what?  Well, everything really.  It could range anywhere from eating a “unsafe/forbidden” food, to something that I want but know I might lose control, to not exercising, to enjoying time with friends and just plain being me.

It has been a very hard road to travel, but I think I’m finally getting off of it and onto a new one; One that is guilt free and full of so many beautiful things that I will finally have the spirits to embrace fully.

My “No-Guilt Revelation” came a few weeks ago, when I had a discussion with my great and absolutely supportive friend Monica.  Not only did she help me get past this, but she also provided the much needed words that came with my workout and fueling revelation when we flew on a plane to HLS together last summer.  I don’t remember the conversation word for word, but we talked about my ED, overeating and seeing counselors and such, and I remember discussing with her that I just wished I could take the switch in my head that makes me feel so guilty and anxious all the time and just turn it off.

We continued to talk about various books we’ve read, author’s we loved, their stories and such and something just clicked. I think Monica is my switch.  She has helped me gain the reality that I’ve needed for so many years in places where I just continue to beat the crap out of my body and mentality about myself in general.  It’s hard to explain, but she always have the right thing to say, being brutally honest that makes me realize that what I’m doing and struggling with is well, WRONG.

I discussed this new found revelation with my counselor last week and had specific incidents where I would normally feel guilty, but had absolutely none.

So remember those Mini Cadbury Eggs you saw on the blog for a week or so back at the beginning of March? 

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I love the damned things to bits.  Every single one.  But they have been a HUGE FEAR FOOD for years, and only now have I allowed myself to have them, guilt free.  Something just clicked and I thought, “If I want chocolate, and they come in the form of this great Easter candy, then so be it?  It’s not going to kill me.  I’ll be fine and still fit in my pants in the morning.”

I ate them everyday for 4 days straight.  And I even ate them at 10 in the morning one day. No guilt.  And I still fit into my pants.

The bag ended, but I didn’t end the revelation at that.  I was able to eat so freely that week that it actually scared me a bit.  What if this is just another one of those phases that I go through and I’m going to be back to my guilt eating at the end of the week?  I was almost side railed with the coming weekend when I did feel guilty about something but then I literally stopped myself in my tracks (I was debating over avocado on something) and asked myself, “What is this going to hurt? You will not feel guilty over this!  Not now or ever!”

I did well after that, even with going to the Blogger Pizza Party and spending a weekend at home with randomly eaten meals and a blizzard to drive through.  I had a good week thereafter and was feeling awesome! I could feel my mind and body adjusting well and really listening to when I was hungry and when I was full.

I hit a road block this weekend, having to eat so much on the road and on the go.  That always seems to cause some anxiety but I was able to push through it.  I happened most readily when I went out to dinner Saturday night before the race at Saturn Café.  I sat there debating over dinner.  Should I just get a salad, or get the burger I saw online and really wanted to try?  Part of me was thinking about calories and not eating something too heavy before the run the next morning, but the other was thinking about this being my first time in Berkeley and who knows when I’ll be back there to try out any of the restaurants!? 

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Obviously the second thought won, as I got the burger.  But the next culprit was what to get for a side.  I had a choice of thin or thick cut fries, or their soup of the day (in this case a Spicy Carrot Cilantro).  I could also sub those out for $3 with sweet potato fries, a salad or something else I forget.  I thought about the salad or sweet potato fries, but god forbid I pay an extra $3 for that!  That’s nuts!  That and since I can remember, I absolutely LOVE STEAK CUT FRIES.  Their thickness is what gets me the most and man, I just couldn’t pass it up.

So Saturday was the first time since I can remember, that I got the first thing that sparked me interest, that I wanted, and had no guilt afterwards.  I knew it wasn’t my normal pre-race dinner of pizza, but I figured I would give it a go.  I stopped when I got full and felt content and didn’t give it a second thought.  Because I mean if you think about it, maybe I need to change my pre-race dinner to burgers since I PR’d by so much, eh!?

This new revelation is not only allowing me to really enjoy the foods that I love, but also learn to trust my body in what it wants and needs.  If I give it what it wants, I won’t go around in the vicious circle of: eat something that makes me feel guilty (or avoid it and keep wanting it even more afterwards), then feel the need to compensate for it and exercise, but then feel bad still thereafter, and end up eating it plus some/thing and beating myself up still.  By eliminating the guilt there is no cycle.  There is no feeling the need to eat it and more out of anxiety afterwards.  If I just eat it and enjoy it, everything ends right there.


So thanks to Monica, for always telling me to my face what I need to hear and most of all, believing that I can do it and be better. 

Have you ever had feelings of guilt when you eat?  What did you do to combat those feeling and hwo did you get over them if they did come about?  ]]

I Got My Smoothie

If there is one thing about races, I always look forward to the meal afterwards.  I’m a fan of real food to refuel me afterwards, but we were in such a hurry to get out of our hotel and back home that well…I didn’t get a real meal until almost 8 hours after the race!  Yikes!  It was a day of snacking, which left me feeling more tired than I should have been.

Of course after I finished the Oakland Half Marathon, and the entire way home, even though it was pretty chilly, I wanted a smoothie…SO.BAD.  All I could imagine was a Jamba Juice jumping out onto the freeway to give me what I needed. 

So obviously, I had to make one for breakfast this morning!

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Ok, it looks like sludge but that’s because the only frozen fruit I have are blueberries and cranberries.  I wasn’t in the mood for something super tart so the cranberries sat on the wayside as the blueberries took the front seat. I mixed them with my favorite Vega Chocolate Protein Powder (I’ve heard through the grapevine that people think it’s gross?! What?  If you got it at HLS and don’t like it, SEND IT TO ME!), some USVAB and spinach that I picked out of my Spring Salad mix.  It needed some extra to bulk it up; I wish I had had a frozen banana!

I topped it off with 2/3C Kashi Heart to Heart and 1/3C Kashi Go Lean Crunch (the last of both bags; wah!) and went to work!  Omg so good…I never wanted it to end!

Off to the field for some work…but not before quality time with this cute face…she missed me…enough to wake me up at 5.15 this morning to play because she was in one of her rambunctious moods.

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Crazy cat.

What’s you’re favorite thing to do after a race?  Do you have a favorite restaurant you like to visit to refuel?  What’s your favorite post-race meal?


Remember, you have until tomorrow to enter my Endangered Species Chocolate Giveaway!!!!  I promise you’ll love the chocolate and being helping the environment of course!!!

Oakland Half Marathon


I am still, speechless.  Not in my dreams did I ever think this would happen.

It’s a good thing of course, because well, I PR’d for one.  Never thought that was going to happen today.  But two?  By THREE FULL MINUTES.

It was, beyond amazing!

So, the day actually started Friday evening when I drove up to Oakland with my running buddy to have the entirety of Saturday to get our packets and walk around downtown Oakland and test out how far away the Bart (subway) would be for us from our hotel. I had my leftover Black Bean Enchilada for dinner with an apple and I’m sure something else I don’t remember.

Saturday morning we had breakfast at the hotel (English muffin w/ pb and apple, small bowl of dry honey nut cheerios) before toughing it out in the rain to get to the expo downtown.

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Of course I still had the Natural Products Expo on my mind so I was a tad bit disappointed at this one being kinda small…or really small.  Well, compared to any Rock n’ Roll expo I’ve been to.

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Afterwards it was time for lunch and we were ready for lunch!  We found the nearest WF and set out for something to fill our bellies!  It was a tad bit cold, and since I was wet from the rain, I stuck to my favorite: Soup!

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I chose the White Bean and Garlic one because it was the only vegetarian kind they had (Minestrone with Beef Broth?  Come on now!?) along with 1/2 the wheat roll I got on the side. I even bulked up the soup by adding extra steamed veggies from the hot foods bar! 

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And yes, there is fruit in there but they didn’t go in the soup.  I actually at them after we got back to the hotel because that soup left me full!

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Anyhow we got back to the hotel to rest up a bit as we’d been walking all morning and afternoon and I snacked on some organic dried mango from WF and a Banana Walnut Muffin.  Held me over pretty well till our later dinner at Saturn Café in Berkeley!

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(Downtown Berkeley…made me miss college!)

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How cool is that table!?  It had legos right underneath the glass!!!  And the décor!  It definitely had a “Berkeley feel”…if that’s even a feeling.  The menu is pretty big and provides a nice variety, and even though my normal pre-race day dinner is pizza, I went with their house burger: The California Burger.

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I had it without the cheese and mayo and it was pretty good.  Reminded me of a Dr. Prager’s burger that I get at home, with less salt.  I did like the addition of the avocado, which helped with extra flavor. I ate about 2/3 of the fries which let me tell you, was at first not an easy task, but I’ve had a revelation recently that I’ll write about and explain tomorrow.

We headed back to the hotle to shower up and hit the hay before a 6am wakeup for our 9am race!

The moment I woke up I was automatically on the tv to check out the weather. It had been raining on and off all weekend and with the temps down in the 40’s, I was deathly afraid of getting cold.  My body doesn’t handle cold well at all, and to say the least, I did end up with numb fingers by the time the gun went off for the race!


I ate the other half of my wheat roll from yesterday with some pb and had my apple about 45 minutes before the race.  Alas, we left to walk and catch the Bart to get the start which was right off the station exit in Downtown Oakland.  First thing we saw was the START LINE!


The marathoners were already out and running as they started an hour and a half before us, but ran the end with us!

The was a bit of a breeze which wouldn’t have been too bad if the temps weren’t in the low 40’s, but we sucked it up, turned in our bag and headed to the start!  I started in the 9min/mi pace group and when 9am hit, we were off at the bullet!

It was taking my garmin forever to register and when it finally did I was happy since we hadn’t started yet.  But man oh man, was it messed the heck up!  I mean, it said I ran 14 miles…um, pretty sure I didn’t run an extra mile!


I had no expectations for this race because I didn’t think I’d done enough training, so throughout the whole race I only looked at my watch once, at mile three.  I came in about two and a half minutes before I normally do so I was quite surprised, but I wasn’t feeling the race so I just decided to run and whim it.

There were no clocks at any of the mile markers so I had no idea what kind of splits I was running.  I just kept going and kept certain runners in mind to pass up and draw inspriration from.

The craziest part about the race for me though was that I didn’t remember to bring my hydration pack I normally use during the race!  I was super nervous because I’ve gotten so used to running with water whenever I want, so I had to adjust.  I had a pack of orange gu chomps which were surprisingly way too sticky and stuck together that I only ended up eating three.  But I used the water breaks starting at mile 5 and every one after that because I could feel the dehydration!

Anyhow, I hit mile 10 and was still feeling ok, but figured I was running much slower than I thought.  I got to mile 12 and started book’n it as hard as I could, as I was just ready to finish.  When I turned the corner at Mile 13 and hit the last straight away I was so way surprised when I saw the clock say 1:56:xx!!!!

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!  There is no way in hell I was running that fast!!!

I pushed all that I had left into my legs and passed the finished with a 1:56:05 chip time, 3 minutes faster than my 1/2 marathon PR from last September at the Oregon Wine and Country Half Marathon


Wow just wow. 

I crossed the finish line and into the runners festival with absolute “ah'” written all over my face.  I grabbed a small cup of gatorade, chugged it, and slammed down a 1/2 a banana while I waited for my running buddy to finish!  She also ended up PR’ing by almost 4 minutes, and that’s with a cramp in her calf since mile 2!!! Woot woot!

We had to hightail it back to the hotel to shower and get out before our very much pleaded with later checkout time so we didn’t stink on the way home!  I was starving so I had a mini clif bar that was being passed out after the race, and a muffin with pb slathered all over it.  Then it was time to head back home!

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I was feeling really good after the race as I had no real pain throughout my whole body…well, minus all the chaffing I discovered upon taking a shower.  Lets just say I hurt in way more spots than I anticipated.  Arg.

We chatted and snacked on some triscuits on the way home, along with me being starving and also having an apple and a clementine.

By the time we got back home I was absolutely starving!  I made the quickest thing I could before eating my arm off.

Dr. Prager’s Burger with an egg on top with
hummus, mustard, spinach and tomato…

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Unsweetened applesauce with 1/3C heart to heart cereal,
1/4C kashi go lean crunch and blueberries.

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Dessert was three mini york peppermint patties and now I’m spent!!!  I can’t wait to get some good sleep in my own bed with my kitty I’ve missed all weekend!  She missed me so much she’s kneading my leg…ouch.

But thanks to everyone for all the twitter and facebook comments!  I can’t thank you all enough for all your support!!  You rock!!!