Monday, May 30, 2011

Wait, It’s Not January?!

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I got back from spending time with Whit yesterday only to find out that it had SNOWED Saturday night!  REALLY?!  It’s almost July Mother Nature…if anything, just don’t make it cold this weekend because I don’t run well in cold, especially if I have to run 26.  Yep, MARATHON IN SIX DAYS!!!

Oiy.

Anyhow…I had a simple breakfast of those strawberries and blackberries with a banana and honey o’s with USVAB for breakfast as I sprinted out the door.  Luckily no one on the road since it’s a holiday!  Yes, this girl works on the holiday…I’m a biologist, I don’t get holidays! 

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Off to the field with the other work horses…or mustangs!

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It was some intense birding this morning and man, I need to brush up on my calls! I was getting so overwhelmed but finally pulled it off!  I stopped for maybe 5 seconds to shove my easy lunch into my belly: tortilla and pb with an organic peach and some organic cherries.

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Seriously, I can’t believe this. It’s like, 90 in some areas of the east coast and I my town maybe hit 72 or 73 today.  Where is my heat that I love?!

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I got home and drowned myself in bird identification and a piece of Banana Walnut Chocolate Chip Bread.  Was great motivation to pay attention to the bird calls…and keep my fingers off my brand new phone.

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I took a short nap because I was feeling run down (so much rushing around this weekend it had me beat! Thank goodness birding is relaxing…sometimes) then headed out for a short and easy run of 3.8 miles with some abs afterwards.  Then I was ready for dinner!

I have a ton of summer squash and potatoes from my organic produce box so what better than make them the base of dinner, right? Roasted those babies up in Italian seasoning, sided with hummus and ketchup and bam! Simple and easy dinner!

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Now I’m munching on some more cherries and handfuls of air popped popcorn from TJ’s before an early night and early morning tomorrow!

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SIX MORE DAYS!!!  I’m so nervoussssssss!!!! How did you get through the week before the biggest race of your life!?!?!?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Here

Sorry I went MIA this weekend!  I’ve been busy shopping for a new phone, thinking about getting a new car, and visiting farms to get the best deals on organic produce I could find!  I mean, this stand was selling three green baskets of organic strawberries for $5, organic cherries for $6 and organic blackberries for $6!  How crazy is that!?

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And the farm is right there!  So nice to know it’s local!

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Otherwise here are some random eats from the weekend…

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Pretty desert flowers…

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Lots of veggies and eggs…I have so much produce I could drown in it!

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Lots of my farmstand fruits…

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You know it’s fresh when the smell from 10 ft away.

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And the cherries…omg so tasty!

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And this salad, I had twice this weekend. It is so freak’n tasty and the dressing I swear is laced with crack. Carrot miso ginger?  YES freak’n please!

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There were also things like omelets, chocolate covered pretzels, mango and other goodies…but that’s all I have for you.  More pictures this week, I promise!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Ready to Run

Today, was a good day.  I was ready for work with a breakfast cookie topped with berries and started off with a nice 3.5 mile hike in the desert!

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Lunch rolled around and I was starving for lunch! I packed my favorite hummus and avocado sandwich packed with lots of cucumber, tomato and lettuce.  I’m a huge fan of crunch when it comes with my sandwiches!

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I’ve got some organic mangoes ripening on the counter so it was time to dig in!  Such a refreshing fruit when I’m out in the field!

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And because I wasn’t quite satisfied, I had a clif zbar.  Some have asked why I eat these instead of regular clif bars and it’s because the regular ones are just too big.  the zbars are a perfect size for me and just enough to  keep me full!

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We finished up with some crazy off-roading in the desert and returned home to look at some….dead stuff.  Don’t ask. I snacked on an apple and a handful of TJ’s version of Wheat Thins.  I could eat those crackers FOREVER.

I had to get a tired changed (I’ve been driving around with a balled out tire!  Scary!) and returned to get some baking done! I made a few different kinds of cookies out of Eat, Drink and Be Vegan along with my favorite Banana Walnut Chocolate Chip Bread  You know you’ll see a piece in this post!

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I was tired by dinner time and didn’t feel like making anything that took time. So I had a salad beast with veggies and a veggies burger, with a side of Alexia Waffle Fries that I purchased using the coupon I got from Foodbuzz’s Tastemaker Program.

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Was a great starch to add to the dinner!

And of course, a nice piece of banana bread for dessert. Still slightly warm with melty chocolate chips!

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but on top of some great food today, I was excited to come home to this!

I’ve secretly been worried that it wasn’t going to get here on time, but alas, at least one of my worries have been smashed!  After seeing Meghann get a shirt recently from My Race Ragz I couldn’t pass up having a personalized shirt for my marathon on June 5th!!!

What do you think?!?!?!

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I’m going to make one to wear to the expo using iron on letters but I’m trying to think of what to put on that one…suggestions?!

Thanks Meghann for the reference to this site!  I’m excited for my shirt…and race!  GAH!!! 10 DAYS!!!!!

The Day After

[[Side Notes: The Day After

I thought that after having such a good attitude in yesterday’s post about the things I had eaten that I would wake up this morning ready and revving to go for work; no such luck. I felt absolutely horrible…and was lets face it, have a very bad body image day.

This has happened many times in the past where if I had a day like yesterday, I would restrict and over-exercise like a mad person the next day and the cycle would start all over again and make me miserable. It was no fun and absolutely daunting that it’s what I chose to do.

I was trying to figure out how I was going to get through today.  All I could seem to focus my thoughts on was certain parts of my body and how they weren’t how I want them to be.  I felt awful to put it lightly. I wanted to crawl back into bed and just stay there all day long, but the birds can’t wait.  They’re counting on me.

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I used work and your awesome words from the past few days to distract me.  I was still having a hard time granted, but I take all the help I can get. It helped that I got a good breakfast in that I know keeps me full and satisfied.

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Smoothie in a bowl, but this time I used frozen apriums instead of berries with the icky vanilla protein powder.  Made the protein powder more bearable. I can’t wait to try it with one I like; I hope it’ll be like a creamsicle!

Anyhow, my thoughts were everywhere. I was anxious about eating all day long because really, I wanted to restrict, but in reality I knew I couldn’t.  I was hungry, actually starving for lunch by 10.30 but hated that it was so early.  But this is what I do when I feel guilty about eating what I deem is too early: look at how long it’s been since you’ve eaten.  Therein lies the reality: I hadn’t eaten in almost 4.5 hours! OF COURSE I’M GOING TO BE HUNGRY!!!

I ended up eating my lunch at 10.45…no shame…

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Almost.  I tried really hard.

Then, the moment that really turned around my negative thoughts and feelings. I texted Whit about having a bad body image day and of course replied that I was wrong, but added in a tidbit that I had forgotten about that happened just the night before: I fit back into my favorite pair of jeans.

On a whim yesterday while getting ready to have dinner with my boss and coworkers I pulled out a few pair of jeans to try on and wear.  I pulled out my favorite ones, which haven’t fit since almost October of last year.  I had abandoned them and hoped that one day, in a healthy manner, I would be able to fit back into them without causing destruction to myself.

I abandoned my scale back in November in hopes that I would finally listen to my body and naturally return to a more normal state for my body…as I’d been going through the vicious cycle for too long and had fluctuated my weight far too much with overeating episodes.

But after many months of listening to my body, getting rid of my guilt, and training my body the right way for lots of fun races, my body is showing me that I’m doing the right thing.  Whit’s reminder of this fact was just what I needed to snap the hell out of it!  Thanks for being there for me babe!!! <3

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I know that many of you go through this same thing after a day of eating things that your brain tells you you shouldn’t, but you’ve got to keep telling yourself  THAT VOICE IS WRONG and YOU WILL BE JUST FINE.  You cannot take that day or food back so might as well move forward instead of backwards, right!?

Stay positive.  I know you can and will.  It’s one of the biggest steps in recovery! ]]

The rest of my day was beautiful.  I ended up in an area where logging occurs and couldn’t help but take pictures to show you how old these trees were when they were sadly killed for wood.

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Please ignore my ugly and bloody feet.  I dropped something on my toes earlier and they proceeded to bleed all over the place and swell.  Yes, just what I need 11 days before my marathon.  Uh huh.

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I had a Brownie Zbar after lunch and after a good day in the field returned home where I finished up work, ate some crackers and hummus with strawberries, and then totally passed out on my bed waiting for a phone call.  I had no intention of taking a nap because it means I stay up way too long at night, but it happened.  And then I was so disoriented when I woke up I thought it was Friday and I was late to meet Whit. Hahaha!  Pretty funny that I woke up to this:

i took anap and woke to this.

How cute is she?!!?!?!  What a doll…

I headed off to the gym soon after and although it was warm enough to run outside, we’ve got a wind advisory so it was blow’n like crazy.  I settled on the gym and finished a small speed workout where I warmed up and cooled down with one mile each at 10min/mile and ran mile 2 at 9.12 and mile 3 at 8.35.  Felt awesome!  I walked a 1/2 mile afterwards for a total of 4.5 miles!

I was starving when I got home so I threw together lots of precut veggies I prepped from the weekend, two organic local eggs and brown rice for a nice dinner!

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I had a few strawberries and a handful of ginger cats for dessert and now I’m ready for bed! I thought I wouldn’t be very tired after that nap but I sure am!

Oh, and I realized today…

11 DAY TO MY MARATHON!!!!

Have you donated yet?  I need your HELP!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Lessons I Learn

[[Side Notes: The Lessons I Learn


1. If I don’t eat a calorie enough dense breakfast, the rest of the day is shot…in the effect that I will never feel satisfied or full.

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(Not enough calories for moi)

2. Eating your snack at 8.30am after having your lighter than needed breakfast at 6.30am does not mean you are breaking any rules. It means you are hungry and listening to your body.

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3. Even if you feel guilty for having that snack so soon after breakfast do not feel guilty and ignore your hunger at lunch. Eat what you brought and stop when you’re full. 

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4. An always pack lunches with lots of protein.  It will be worth your while. I had 1/2 an avocado and lots of hummus.

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5. If you want something salty, even though you try and stay away from it, have it because it might mean you neeeeeeed it.  Being out in desert = dehydration = losing salt through sweat.  Problem solved.

6. Trail mix is the most portable and effective snack for the field.  Nothing beats peanuts and raisins.  It will keep you full for hours.

7. Or not, sometimes.  Today would be that case.  Don’t let that you “feel like you’ve eaten too much today and not done enough exercise” mentality get to you and eat if you’re hungry.  You may have favored the rice cakes instead of something else because of the ED thoughts, but at least there’s more PROTEIN. Chocolate PB all the way.

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8. Don’t have a freak out when you realize you’re going to have to eat dinner out after the day you’ve had and eats you’ve eaten.  This day WILL NOT KILL YOU.


9. If I’m stressed, I do yoga.  And even though it makes me realize more flaws about my body than I like to think about, all at the same time it makes me realize how strong my body is.  Running is one thing, yoga is a whole other thing.  I owned it.

10. Order what you want, what you like and don’t restrict at the restaurant.  There is no shame in getting what you want, no matter what the arena, especially food.

11. If you feel like having some dessert, like a handful of chocolate chips when you get home after your dinner out, DO IT. Otherwise, the thought will stay in your head until you do and at that point you’ll go overboard.

12. Relax your anxiety nerves by watching your cat throw around her toy and chase after it for almost an hour.  It’s almost as entertaining as stand up comedy. Almost.

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13.  Guilt will get you no where.  Friend will be there if you need the support to get around it.  Thank goodness  I have you. ]]

Wow

You all had me in tears, good tears of course.  Your responses to my post Am I Killing You? had me speechless.  I’m so so so happy to hear that my posts do not trigger you to a point of making bad decisions and well, that you find them helpful, as you’ve been telling me all along when I post each and every Side Note.  Again, thank you so so much.  I can never explain how your love and reassurance is helping me right now.

~~

Today…was a different day than normal!  I decided to help out a different crew with some walking surveys, so I got to get in some exercise!  I made sure to start the morning off with a protein packed breakfast, including my favorite smoothie in a bowl.

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Too bad the new protein powder I bought tastes like BARF.  Bleh, Designer Whey Protein. Give me my Vega or Spirutein Back!  Why are the stores so far away!??!?!

I ended up doing around 10 miles of mountain hiking today that was super hard and none too nice for my feet.  They were never pretty in the first place.

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That tape was put on beforehand to prevent blisters.  And protect already open wounds.

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Freak’n thistles.

I was getting your emails from my previous post throughout the day and it kept me going with a positive attitude.  For instance, last year when I used to do these kinds of surveys, I would go as long as I could w/o eating snacks or such, almost to the point when I was too weak to walk.  I would eat light lunches and then end up, uh oh, yes, overeating later.

But this time, when I got hungry, I ate.  So mid morning, even though my coworkers weren’t hungry but I was, I had a clif bar for a snack.  And when lunch came around and they weren’t ready but I was getting hungry, I ate my pb and j and an apple without them.  I also drank a Vitamin Zeros Lemon for electrolytes and had a few individual dove dark chocolates for an afternoon boost.  Pretty good for hiking 10 miles, right!?

And then, I came and fueled up on a great and satisfying dinner.  What else would I do, right?!?!?!  GO ME!

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I had leftovers from last night but upped the amount of brown rice because I was hankering for carbs.  All that walking!

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And for dessert, fresh strawberries with chocolate chips and Attune Chocolate Munch Granola.  Great way to end the night.

Now, I’m ready for bed.  That hiking was exhausting!!!

But again, thanks for your support! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Am I Killing You?

[[Side Notes: Am I Killing You?

I’ve been busy this week so I haven’t talked much about well, anything from food to dealing with my eating disorder.  I got an email this week though, that had me put off from the blog, which is another reason why I haven’t been posting.

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I’ve basically decided that it’s normal for me to get nasty emails from readers, bloggers, whoever and the like, and yes it hurts, but I try to just brush it off and make it like they are just jealous.  But this one hit me like a brick.  They often say I’m a hypocrite and this one well, it put me in a place I’ve never been.

I received an email this week from someone whom I don’t know but basically asked, “Do you feel guilty in how you help kill young girls with eating disorders?”  I was absolutely floored by this statement.  I mean, NO.  But as I read on, I started to understand their perspective and really got to thinking.  They talked about my Side Notes and their detail and my ability to not hold anything back.  They wanted to know if I ever thought about what I write, having the potential to cause further harm to those who are currently suffering.  They figured that others who were trying to recover would take past actions as ones they could use now to further their ED.

I have always put disclaimers up on my Side Notes when I think they might be triggering, but I believe that many of them haven’t been as of late, even really much at all.  Yes, I talk about what goes through my head, but I never thought any of it would lead another to cause further harm to themselves.  I have gotten so many positives responses from girls that I never thought my actions as detrimental.

But I guess not.  Obviously there was further detail in this email and I’m sure the person is going to be pissed I’m posting about this, but I can’t let something like this go unnoticed.  So to that person, I’m sorry if you are struggling and I have triggered you.  When I write about my struggles I have no intention of harming others and hoping only to show them that there are others out there like them, that they’re not alone, and recovery will come one day.  I’m not out to kill them by posting about my thoughts.

So just to make sure, let me ask you: Have my posts been triggering?  What would you advise me to no longer post about in my Side Notes so that others aren’t affected badly? ]]

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Stir-fry Heaven

Since ya know, the world was supposed to end yesterday I figured I had to end that day with a great stir fry right?  With my luck it didn’t end so I was able to have it two nights in a row!

Last night’s stir fry, was different than tonight’s though! Last night’s included soy sauce, chickpeas, onions, garlic, kale and broccoli.

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Then I ended the night with some cuddling with the kitty, mixed berries and two pb chocolate chip cookies I brought back from Kauai.  I’ll just say that my tummy was happy, but my brain wasn’t.  Seems to be happening more often than not lately. :(

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I had a pretty good night of sleep and nothing too exciting on the agenda for my Sunday so what better than starting with an awesome breakfast: French Toast!  I haven’t had this in such a long time!

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I made mine with two pieces of TJ’s Fiber Bread, 1 egg, cinnamon, vanilla, USVAB, topped with fresh organic strawberries and a side of organic maple syrup.  Twas DIVINE.

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I was organizing the morning away, going through old magazines and tearing out the things like workouts and recipes I thought I might want in the future, and chucking the rest.  Cleared up a lot of space in my apartment!  They were certainly starting to pile up!  I eventually took a break for lunch that included a snack plate with veggies and 1/2 an avocado smashed with spices, and a side of organic avocado.

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I had an extra handful of crackers afterwards because well, I simply didn’t have enough carbs in my lunch!  And mid afternoon I hit a slump and noshed on 4 milk chocolate pb cups from TJ’s.

I went for a 3.5 mile walk to finally get outside because it was so nice, though extremely windy, and waited patiently for Whit to arrive!  I haven’t seen him in over a week! Boo! 

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I made us a nice veggie filled stir-fry with a block of tofu smashed and sauteed in, with a side of brown rice.  Was a satisfying dinner!

Now I’m eating a handful of organic cherries and ready to go to bed!  I’m such a party pooper after well, not doing too much this weekend!  Yeesh!

How was your weekend? If you were at Blogher or FibBloggin know that I’m insanely jealous.  I envy you all.