Trying to Heal

Reminder

2011-10-19T18:09:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to remind you to add my new blog address to your google reader using this link! http://feeds.feedburner.com/tryingtoheal

I'm still blogging about the same ol' good stuff including my Side Notes and have added in a new series concerning the environment too!!

So head on over to www.tryingtoheal.com/ to see what you've missed since I moved over there!

PS So Sandy, go to that site and you'll see that I'm still around and blogging! I've been getting your comments through here!

Changes to Make

2011-09-15T22:49:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone!

I've finally going to make my big announcement!!!

What, you thought I was engaged? Nope.

You thought I was moving away to say, Australia? I wish.

You thought I was going to quit blogging? No way!

Instead, I did this:

http://www.tryingtoheal.com/

YAY!!!!!

As you head over there, remember to update your google reader or what ever you use so you don't lose getting to read about my crazy bird and food filled life! Here is the address to automatically set you up with following the site!

http://feeds.feedburner.com/tryingtoheal

See you over there!!!

Spaghetti Squashhhhhhhh

2011-09-14T23:48:00.001-04:00

Lately my box has started to provide me with some hardy winter squashes and if you know me, I am all over that. The past two weeks I’ve gotten two spaghetti squashes and after posting about getting real dinners in, I MADE myself use them tonight. I even used them to make dinner for my roomie!

It’s a simple dinner but had lots of veggies and was better than the smoothies I’ve been favoring the past few weeks!

To make the spaghetti squashes I cut them in half, removed the seeds, placed them in a glass 9x13 pan with a 1/2 inch of water and baked at 375 for about 40 or so minutes. I let them cool, then grated out the inside of one of the halves, added some cooked black beans, broccoli and organic marinara and topped it with some nutritional yeast!

I am sooooo full now. But a good full. Nothing better than a satisfying dinner, right?!

Not only am I proud of the dinner that I made, but I’ve also been having snacks other than some sort of nutritional bar. Sometimes you just have to have something savory right?

This has been my favorite snack as of late. I’ve been getting tons of organic cherry tomatoes in my produce box so I had to figure out a creative way to eat them other than in a salad. I got the roasted pine nut hummus using my Foodbuzz Tastemaker Coupon I received a while back and dang, this has got to be one of my favorites of Sabra’s flavors! I’m sure you can probably tell since I only got it a few days ago and it’s basically empty. It goes great with the TJ’s pita chips!

Anyhow, I am sorry I haven’t made my big announcement I told you I’d be doing say…last week? I’m still in the progress of working on getting it all finished and cleaned up! And no, I’m not engaged, married, pregnant or moving somewhere else. Well, maybe. ((wink:wink))

I do have something new for you tomorrow though! I know some people will baulk at it because this is a “food blog” but dangit, sometimes I want to talk about something other than what I eat! You’ll see soon!

Gluten Free!?

2011-09-13T00:17:00.001-04:00

I had the pleasure of meeting up with two of my favorite bloggers, Amanda and Andy, this past weekend!

Somehow I did not get a picture of Andy. Next time Andy, next time!

Anyhow, knowing Whit and I were on our way down to my parents for the weekend, along with an engagement party I can’t wait to tell you about, we decided to meet up for lunch along the way. Amanda did a Yelp search and found a vegan and gluten free pizza place called Tomato Joe’s that would service to both our dietary needs!

I ordered their Garden Combo, vegan, on a thin crust.

This was such a great pizza! There was a bit too much of the “cheese” on there, but the crust was the best part. It was thin enough to my liking and had a nice amount of cornmeal to give the edges the crunch I like. And even better that the crust was cooked well enough through in the middle underneath all the toppings! You can bet I ate the entire 8” pizza!

We sat and chatted for a while about upcoming events like Foodbuzz Festival, other blogs, our blogs, friends and family. It was nice to catch up since I hadn’t seen them in a while! We also had the pleasure of admiring some interesting weather on our way to the pizza place with things like lightening, thunder, rain, hail and crazy winds! It was an interesting afternoon.

But because I know that Amanda lovesssss bread, and now gluten free might have a hard time finding a good one, I did some experimenting before meeting up with them to bring her a treat. I messed with a recipe by Sarah Kramer from her book La Dolce Vegan!, and it came out delicious! Here is my adaption of the

Wolffie’s B’nanner Bar:

Ingredients:

2 T flaxseed meal + 3 T water (or an egg)
1/4C vegan margarine
1/4C honey
2 large VERY RIPE bananas
1 tsp pure vanilla
1 +1/4C chickpea flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2C chopped walnuts
1/2C dark chocolate

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350*F. Lightly grease an 8x8 pan and set aside.
In a small bowl, whisk together the flax and water; let sit for a few minutes. Meanwhile, melt the margarine and add in honey, vanilla and smashed bananas. Slowly mix in the flaxseed-water mixture.
Very slowly and just until combined, add in the chickpea flour and baking soda. Try your hardest to not overstir it!
Add in the walnuts and chocolate chips until combined. Spread evening in the pan and bake for 25-28 minutes.
Cool and cut into squares, makes 8 small or 6 medium pieces.

~~~

I’m sorry that I don’t have a picture of it! I gave half of the bars to Amanda and Andy and the other half to my family but let me tell you, they are DELICIOUS! The chickpea flour adds a very fluffy feeling to the bar and the banana is nice and strong, pairing well with the walnuts (if you have time I would toast them, it tastes even better!).

Dina’h Time

2011-09-08T22:31:00.001-04:00

These days, my life seems to be learning from my mistakes…case in point: I’ve been running for over 15 years and I’m finally about to lose a toenail from my hiking boots that are too small, and too many years old. I’m religious about replacing running shoes every 6 months but hiking boots that I beat up all the time? haha.

The other thing I’ve been learning the past few weeks: a good dinner is essential for a the following day. Lately with all the hiking I’ve been doing for work, I’ve been too exhausted to make or really eat anything other than smoothies or sandwiches for dinner. I’m getting in a good amount of fruits, veggies and non-processed foods throughout the day, but having bread at almost every weekend can get old, and make my body weak.

All I needed was one meal to kick me back into action, and a good talk with my counselor about how eating a REAL MEAL will help me out in the long run, especially with all the exercise and other stress I’ve been under.

So last night my roomie and I met up with a coworker at Thai place for dinner. This was probably the first dinner I’d had in a long time! I ordered the first thing that caught my eye, mock chicken snow pea stir fry with rice. My coworker got a black pepper cabbage and mushroom with mock chicken while my roomie got a meat dish. I ate 2/3 of my dish with some steamed rice and was set for the night. It was a great meal and I knew the leftovers would be great for tonight.

I did feel the huge amount of sodium that was in it last night, so tonight I tried to tone it down a bit by getting rid of the excess liquid, adding in steamed veggies and just a bit more rice to soak everything up. It was a delicious meal to end a long day (8 miles of hiking hills in the heat! Yikes!) along with some grapes and a few mini york peppermint patties.

Do you feel the difference when you don’t eat real meals? What is your favorite meal when you’re in a pinch or tired? I’m all ears and eyes!

Another Year

2011-09-07T19:34:00.001-04:00

In 13 days, I will be 26 years old. I still can’t believe that all that time has gone by. I remember when I was around 10 years old, and thought being 22 was so far away and I was going to be so old. At that time, I had no idea what I’d be doing, where I’d be, or how I’d be.

Oh how things changed since I was 10.

I have to admit, I used to LOVE birthdays. It was MY DAY out of the year; I got to pick out the restaurant the family would go to (it was the only time we ever went out to dinner too! Birthdays and good report cards!), the flavor of the cake and toppings, and what kind of party I would have. They were glorious birthdays, without any shame or guilt or worries.

But then I grew up. Yeah, I kind of grew out of birthdays and I tried to be with my family every year, a little before or after my birthday, because I was always away at school, something still happened. But then 9/11 happened, and my birthday became something of the past.

I remember that day to a T. The memory of the whole thing replays in my mind if I think about it for a second, and I’m covered in goose bumps. I did not know anyone that was killed on 9/11, but when I walked into my 11th grade US History class that morning after an hour of pre-calculus for zero period and no idea what was going on, I was absolutely horrified. I remember the second that I saw the TV, watching the second plane crash into the tower and everything falling to the ground.

My life has never been the same since. To this day, I cannot watch footage of 9/11. I feel the tears well in my eyes, the goose bumps cover my body and I can’t speak. And ever since then, I’ve never enjoyed my birthday. Why? For the past ten years, it has always seemed like the month of September was one of mourning. In no way should I be celebrating my birthday.

But this year, 10 years after it’s happened, I need to enjoy my birthday. Since that happened, I have been through a lot more in my life than I thought I’d ever go through, including losing grandparents, friends, developing anorexia and so many other symptoms thereafter, living out of the country, moving around the country, chasing birds as my profession, etc.

This year, my birthday will occur on Kauai. I don’t know if Whit has anything planned (hint:hint; haha) but seeing my family a few days before I leave for the island, and then spending time with his family and him will be different. For many years my actual birthday, the 20th, was spent alone; I was either in college, in the field, working, living away from home, etc. But not this year.

Not only do I want to actually enjoy my birthday this year, but indeed, the year that will follow it leading to the 27th. The past year has had so many ups and downs and more ups and more downs. Right now it’s on a down slope, but I hope and am working hard to change that. There is no reason that I should not be enjoying my life since I am able to do what I love for work, be around the people I love and enjoy, travel all over the world, and experience things that people would probably never think of doing in their wildest dreams.

My life does not need to be a pity party put on by me, it needs to be a life filled with as much as I can do that I am able.

So this birthday will be different. This birthday, I will enjoy. This birthday, will be the start of something new. 13 days and counting.

Do you still celebrate you birthday? Any traditions?! I love to hear about birthday traditions!

On A Hike

2011-09-07T00:17:00.001-04:00

Thank you all so much for the kind words about the fire burning in my area. It is currently 40% contained, but has burned up and over 14,000 acres and is headed out of the mountains into the desert. My heart is still aching over the whole thing not just because it is burning up the mountains but for several reasons. I got a few comments about how this is a natural thing that could help the environment and yes, as much as fire can help come animals and plants, this fire was not started naturally; it was started by an airplane crash (in which I provide my greatest sympathies to the families who lost their loved ones).

Another reason why I was so upset is because many of these areas are not open to the public and it’s hard to believe that I might have been one of the last people to see it in it’s pristine environment for the past 100+ years. But on top of it all, there was a fire in some of the areas where the fire was headed back in 97’ and it was such a hot fire that it incinerated everything, from homes to trailers to plants and even seeds. It’s crazy how bad it was and even now, over 13 years later, there still are no trees growing back in that burn area! I didn’t want that to happen to what was left of the areas that weren’t burnt!

Anyhow, enough of my pity party. Here is a picture I got this afternoon of the fire heading down into the desert. It is just devastating to watch. That was where I worked all the time.

I was lucky today though to have a distraction from the fire and able to do some hiking for work in another part of the Sierra’s north of where the fire was burning. It was hot as hades, but a good 6.6 mile hike overall. I saw no Black Bears this time, thank goodness, but did see an array of other beautiful things!

Some squirrel or chipmunk had a great dinner/lunch/breakfast at this area. So many pine cones eaten!

This picture and the next is what I have dubbed Hummingbird Grove. I took a video that I hope to show you soon, but most of all want to you listen. You will be AMAZED at the number of Rufous Hummingbirds calling and chasing each other in the background. I must have counted over 50 of the beauties in the 5 minutes that I stood there to admire the scenery!

I encountered this awful plant along the hike that left me bleeding all over the place! I have no idea what it is, but it has the sharpest thorns ever! The little red balls are covered in spikes too! I need to start learning my plants!

The trail also provided me with limbo opportunities..bet you never saw that coming. I totally did the limbo in the middle of the forest.

This part of the trail is one of my favorites because of the oaks that fill up the canopy and just provide such a peaceful place for you to hike and think.

And last but not least one of my favorite trees: the Manzanita. They trees are sooooooo beautiful because their bark is this blood red color that stands out like crazy. And even cooler, it peels, like you can see in the picture! How neat is that!

Anyhow, that was my day in the field and a fire update. I’m hoping to have some good food to post about soon but with the heat and a 10+ hour work day like today, I only feel like having a smoothie for dinner. Sad food life for me!

Fire Heart Break

2011-09-04T22:57:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone. I’m currently on edge right now because the mountain range just South of me is absolutely ablaze. I have worked up there for months and it is one of the most pristine mountain areas I have ever been to. Previous, it has looked like this:

Now, it looks like this:

I can’t even describe to you the anxiety and pain that is washing over me. My heart literally hurts because I hate to see mother nature being destroyed. I’m literally just speechless. I was that girl on the side of the road, squatted down with my hands on the side of my head, tears streaming down my face because of the loss that is happening.

I had a full post for you with lots of food but I can’t even think about food right now. I didn’t even want to eat dinner I felt so sick to my stomach. Hopefully I will have better news tomorrow…

September

2011-09-01T22:58:00.001-04:00

Oh September, I hope you are going to be a great month. Since June, things have not been as well as I would hope. So September, bring back the joy that I’m missing.

This is how I’m going to get through September with a smile on my face:

-Announce my big announcement. It’s been something I should have done a long time ago, but I’ve finally took the plunge. You’ll see within a week, I promise!

-Run a race. There is a trail race in my town next weekend that I want to run and it’s to benefit the local Humane Society, where I adopted Honey. I didn’t get to run the normal race I do in August every year, so this one will replace it. I’m excited to run my first trail race, because another one is coming in November!

-Celebrate with my best college buddies, because one of them is engaged. I've got to take the time to spend with them because I live so far away from them and I just simply haven’t been a good enough friend to them since we left college in 2007. I miss them dearly and can’t wait to see them next weekend.

-Kauai. I’m going back again in a few weeks and want to let myself go while I’m there. I’m not saying that I didn’t when I was there last time, but you k now, the body issues have come back since the marathon and I want to be able to surf without feeling like a cow. That is just no freak’n fun.

-I turn 26 on the 20th. Yep, September is my birthday month! I seriously feel like this year flew by from my last birthday…I mean look at my hair! Haha, ok, I’m not serious about that but you get the idea…

-No guilt. I’m going to step away as hard as I can from any sort of guilt: food, exercise, money, time, blogging, etc. Lots of things lately have been making me anxious and not good enough, so I need to work on that. I’ve got two sessions with my counselor this months so we’ll see what I can get done with her.

So, what are you doing this September? Tell me your exciting events coming up this month!

Not As Planned

2011-08-31T00:28:00.001-04:00

Yikes. Today did not go too well…Ok, it went alright except for one thing:

Yep, that would be my finger, wrapped in gauze and electrical tape. Who says I need a bandaid out in the field, right? Ok, I was safe and changed the makeshift wrapping for a few clean butterfly strips and a bandaid a bit later after I got back to my car. What did I do? Lets just say the x-acto knife and I don’t get along…especially a 1/3 of the way into my finger. Ouch.

This was what cheered me up today though! While I was in Mammoth I found this awesome hummingbird bandana, as I’ve been on the search for one for the past few weeks. I also have another one that is covered in random birds and not hummingbirds, but I can’t find it. Sad times.

Anyhow, just a little something for the blog tonight, as I’m looking into making some pretty big updates to the blog this week! Get ready!

Oh, and here are some pictures from the rest of my vacation last weekend!

Mammoth: Pt 2

2011-08-29T01:59:00.001-04:00

I left off with part one about a visit to something associated to EARTHQUAKES…The famous, San Andreas Fault Line. Yes, I was actually standing directly over it and next to it.

Look how wide this sucker is! I’ve actually seen this fault line in several different places including the Mojave Desert and San Diego. It’s truly amazing to see how it can change the face of the earth!

Oh yeah, and there is totally snow still at the bottom of it! I actually learned that early settlers took advantage of the year round snow down there to freeze their meat during the summer! How cool is that…free refrigerator.

Just down the road is another amazing aspect of volcanic activity in the area: the Inyo Craters. I haven’t been here since I was a kid (like, not a teenager) and it’s still amazing to look at.

We had to hike to get to the craters and I showed Whit one of my favorite things about Mammoth…Jeffrey Pines. When you stick your nose in the bark, it smells like VANILLA. Yes, the entire forest smells like vanilla. How delicious does that sound?!

I’m totally digg’n it. And the bird watching of course. Look at my crazy self. You’ll never know how bird nuts I am until you spend an early morning or evening with me out in the forest or the beach or the marsh or anywhere there are birds.

Standing atop one of the craters!

The insides of one of the craters:

We have a tradition in my family that whenever we go to Mammoth, the first night is always designated for dinner at our favorite pizza joint, Giovanni’s. I opted to have it on the second night after our long hike to Devil’s Postpile and Rainbow Falls because obviously we need carbs!

I got the veggie with soy crumbles, sans cheese. It was on a thin wheat pizza crust with a spicy italian sauce. Totally worth the price (Mammoth is expensive…everywhere! I paid $4.25 a gallon for gas! Thank god for my Hybrid!)

To help digest our food we headed off to my favorite lake of all: Lake George. I even have my own rock where I fish every time I come. Ok, it’s not my rock, but lets just say I get up way before the crack of dawn to get out there, run half way around the lake and claim that rock as mine for the morning for fishing. Lots of people are mad when they discover I got there before them.

The hike was just over a mile long and just what we needed after the pizza. It was super buggy though and we were both covered in mosquito bites after we were done!

Our last stop of the night was to Horseshoe Lake…which actually has no fish and is a carbon dioxide sink.

See the dead trees? It’s not the lack of water, it’s the over-abundance of CO2.

And the end to day two! It was a nice day of hiking, but would have been nicer if we’d had a few more days because the elevation difference is something that Whit had a hard time getting used to…not me though. I’d only gone up another 4,000 – 5,000 ft in elevation whereas he went up 8,000 – 9,000ft! Yikes!

I’ll show you day three tomorrow! For now, bed time!

Mammoth 2011

2011-08-28T01:31:00.001-04:00

I decided it was time to show Whit my childhood playground from as far back as I can remember:

We started our journey on Friday and headed up 395 to our first stop, Manzanar War Relocation Center:

My family has been here more times than we can count, reading all the plaques, information and personal stories that we can wrap our brains around. Being Whit’s first time, and with a Japanese heritage, this hit home for him like it does every time for me.

Both of my grandparent’s families were unfortunate enough to be ripped from their homes back in 1941-42, lose almost everything, and placed in a random desert area until the war was over. It seriously makes my blood boil that the country I live in, did this to the people of my heritage.

Anyhow, up the desert and mountain we went to the town of Mammoth Lakes!

Yay!!! I love this place more than I could ever describe with words. I’m a small down girl at heart so a mountain town is something I would love for everything it has. No wonder I live in one now, right?! The only difference between this one and my home is an extra 4,000-5,000ft elevation and many more lakes for fishing, birding and hiking! Yay!

We took our time just taking in the town, showing Whit around, and got dinner before hitting the sack pretty early; we had an early morning the next day anyhow!

Before today, I hadn’t been up to Devil’s Postpile National Monument since…gosh, probably almost 2003 with my family. You take a shuttle back through the San Joaquin Valley to the monument then make your way into the forest to see the postpile and so many other beautiful places.

Devil’s Postpile is very unique in it’s geographical formation as the entirety of the columnar basalt pile is hexagonal!

Here are my size 9.5 shoes for size reference:

Aren’t they cool!? I’ve always been amazed by them and it’s amazing how nature goes about things like…conserving space by making these asymmetrical shapes!

We finished off at the postpile into the Ansel Adam’s Wilderness Area, part of the Inyo National Forest and one of my favorite hikes of all time. Though it hasn’t been the same since 1992:

I remember when this area was completely covered in forest…but in 1992 a forest fire ignited from a lightening strike, torching 9,000 acres of forest, almost 80% of the national park. It’s amazing how much it’s changed in the almost 10 years since I’ve been there.

I can’t wait until the yearlings start popping up in the really burnt areas and we get some forest cover again! I probably won’t be alive to see it, but I hope my kids or theirs might!

I couldn’t help but take pictures of the chipmunks. They hold a special place in my heart.

They’re so cute because they follow you along the trail in hopes of getting something to eat…sorry little one; I know how domestication can kill you in the long run.

Next stop, my favorite of them all:

Rainbow Falls. You can’t see a picture of the rainbow, but it’s there. And the water is heavy and flowing this year! I’ve seen it in years where it was just a trickle! Thank goodness Mammoth had a HUGE snow level this year! Saweeeet!

We made out way back to the pack station to take the bus back to the resort where our car was parked and onto our next adventure for he afternoon! But you’ll have to wait and see what we did until tomorrow! I’ll just say, it involves, EARTHQUAKES!

In a Mood

2011-08-26T00:20:00.001-04:00

Everything in my life today was in a mood…my work computer refused to start, my work truck says I need an oil change but I just got one, my brain hormones decided they would hate me ~~the way my body looked~~ today, and my cat now loves to attack my hair and chew on it.

Otherwise, I actually was a good food blogger today and took pictures of ~~almost~~ all my eats! Lets start with breakfast? It was almost 85*F when I woke up this morning so I wanted nothing but something cold to eat…even if I had it for dinner last night. :)

My latest mixture has been berries and mango with USVAB, protein powder, mixed kashi cereals and attune chocolate granola munch…the last of my last bag. Ahhh…

Off to the field I went to slave away in the heat…omg it was so hot, even in the mountains.

Hot enough to send the horses in under the trees!

Babies…There is one colt in the herd that is brown amongst all the black ones…the unique one of the heard. Gotta love them.

I went from the mountains to the grasslands where it got even HOTTER and upwards of 103-105*F. I broke out in a serious heat rash, and the heat also had an effect on my stomach. With the heat we’ve been having my stomach hates me. Happens every time I’m working in conditions in the high 90’s to 100’s for more than a few days, all day. I’m sure you can guess how my body is reacting…

I tried to fuel as well as I could: Banana Chocolate Chip Walnut Muffin

Pb and cinnamon with dried mango

There were baby carrots and some nuts and dried fruit consumed on the long drive home along with tons of water. I didn’t want to run in the heat so I blasted all the fans to the center of my living room and did a crazy workout that was in now was organized. I basically hit random on my running mix, which not includes the new Maroon 5 song (Moves like Jagger) that I’m obsessed over, and went to town. I did enough bicycle crunches, squats, bicep curls, kickbacks and lunges than I can count…I’m gonna hurt tomorrow!

I went to my counseling session this afternoon and it went well, then to the last farmer’s market being held in town, and home to eat eat eat! I was STARVING so after everything was said and done, I had this for dinner: two eggs, veggies, tomatoes, corn on the cob and two pieces of spelt bread.

No day ends without dessert right? I actually had three…and a few bits of mango sorbet because it was staring at me as I pulled the mini yorks out of the freezer. It’s still 85* in my apt ok!? I need COLD!!!

Now’s it’s time to pack and clean up before heading out to the mountains!! Yay!

Hot Days

2011-08-25T00:08:00.001-04:00

Wow, I guess I sent some EARTHQUAKES with my brother back East and the East Coast sent me all the heat they’d been getting…yeesh. I’ll be heading into the desert this weekend and in some places, weather.com says it could be up to 122 degrees!!! How crazy mad is that?!

Anyhow, sorry I haven’t been updating much lately. My eats have been nothing but boring with this heat, so all I want are pb&j’s, smoothies and cereal…so I’m sure you can see how my meals have been going the past few days…blah.

I must say though, that I’ve been a bit preoccupied and stepping away from the computer. I’ve decided I spend simply too much time on the thing! I should be outside with nature…you know, because it basically runs in my blood. Hehe. So, to get away from the computer, but maybe not outside, I’ve been readingggggg!

I finished The Help in three days, spending 5 hours on Monday finishing it up! I’m now working on Sarah’s Key that Clare so nicely sent me!!! I’m already 40 pages into the book and trying to find more time to read it! I’m on a book kick and loving it! It’s been too long since I really read some good books!

So other than reading, smoothies and the heat, I’ll be escaping to the mountains this weekend!! Wait, you thought I already lived in the mountains? Well, I do…I’m just going to be going up about 5,000 more feet further North! I went last year in October just after it had snowed! I can’t wait to go up there and show Whit around…this was my childhood summer playground for more years than I can count…oh the memories!

[October 2010]

I can’t wait to smell that fresh mountain air…I only get it sometimes where I live, since I’m so close to the desert and our crazy winds blow everything away…

Otherwise, nothing much to report, sorry. I have a few Side Notes I’m working on along with a post on how to prepare yourself to buy your first car…and maybe some recipes. Maybe…We’ll see. I’m trying to get my cooking mojo back but with the heat and not wanting to use the oven it’s hot.

Oh, but I did get a new top that I won from Miss Gliding Calm’s blog: a Mondetta Performance Gear top. I like that it’s long and the color is gorgeous, but like most tops I own like this…they ride up. I ran 3.5 miles in it this afternoon and had to keep pulling it down. It’s what women get for having hips…right? Haha.

And if you’re looking for the recipe for the bark that I sent to Meghann that she got today, you can find it here. I’ve already gotten several emails asking for it! It’s super easy and oh so delicious!!!

Mountain Festival

2011-08-22T00:50:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the congrats on my new baby! I’m super excited starting to use her around town and am already planning a road trip to take her on in a week! So much fun having a hybrid now! Much farther on more gas! Yay! Btw, would you like to know how I went about deciding on everything as far as purchasing the car goes? I don’t know if anyone would be interested in that…or not. Let me know!

My Saturday was consumed with buying my Honda Insight Hybrid but Sunday was full of kettle corn. Yes, I basically had it for two meals today. How could I not!

I was also walking around observing all the vintage cars that were being shown downtown…so pretty!

I’ve got to hit the sack early because I have a very early work day tomorrow! No more sleeping in for me!

I hope you all had a fun weekend…if you weren’t at HLS. Jealous I couldn’t’ go, but happy I got my car instead!!! What did you do this weekend?

I’m A Big Girl Now

2011-08-21T01:16:00.001-04:00

I feel so grown up! Look what I got today!!!

I purchased my first car! (2011 Honda Insight) My savings account is crying but I’m smiling!!! This is the most I have ever spent in my life!!!!

I’ll let you know more about it tomorrow! It’s been a very long day getting everything done for it!

Dear Brain, Love Body…

2011-08-19T00:32:00.001-04:00

[[Side Notes: Dear Brain, Love Body…

Dear Melissa’s Brain,

What is your problem? Where do you get all these crazy ass ideas from? Why do you treat me so…badly? With such hatred? With such neglect and torture? Why, why, why? Why do you cause me so much pain?

I have been putting up with you for almost 26 years, the last 8 1/2 being the troublesome ones. You had moments of revelation where everything was going so nice, only to have you turn around and kick me square in the face. Lets look at the current situation shall we?

Almost two weeks ago, something tweaked in your hip, deep down in the tissue that you can’t figure out. You thought a few days off would do the trick, but no, it’s been almost 14 and you’re fuming. You’re blaming me because it’s part of me, but not because it hurts, because of two other things: You can’t burn calories, and I’m going to get you fat. Yep, how does it feel for me to put it out there? I know it’s what scares you the most. Did you ever think this was me trying to send you a message? That you’re doing too much and need to slow down? And that SHOCKER, you can trust me and we won’t get FAT overnight? Fourteen days and your pants still fit, correct? Yes, because you wore them today without fail. You have to understand what I’m telling you and really listen. I’m doing what’s best for you right now; this second. The world will not end as this happens.

As far as the calorie burn thought goes, that is not what running is for. It’s for enjoyment, the experience, the social factor (ie races) and so much more. It’s supposed to be something that amazes you every time you put your shoes on and head out the door. It is not meant to be there solely to burn off those cookies or crackers! You were doing so well with the “running does not equal calories burned” mentality while training for the San Diego Marathon; where did it go? I know you think you dropped it at mile 18 but that’s not the case. It’s still in there, you’re just pushing it aside. Find it.

And did you ever think you could do something else? I know you always say you’re just a runner, only a runner, but it doesn’t have to be the case. You can swim and it’s ok if you’re not a pro at it. You can bike, and it’s ok if you don’t succeed at first. Try and try again. You do just that with running. You don’t try these other things because you’re afraid you won’t do them well, but it’s not the case. Your running is not 100% perfect either, so why should these? You have absolutely no excuse, no excuse at all. You can do absolutely anything you put your mind to. so focus on the other things you always say you will: yoga, pilates, boxing, swimming, tennis, karate, the piano, the guitar, your blog, the environment, your book, anything!

To be continued….

Previous Letter: Dear Body… ]]

Eats and Athleta Clothing

2011-08-16T23:10:00.001-04:00

Happy Tuesday everyone! I hope your week is starting off well. I’m still on the edge about whether or not I’m catching a full on cold or flu but hopefully I’ll be on the mend in a few days because work doesn’t allow for me to be sick! No way no how when you’re a biologist!

Soo….lots of good eats today, kinda. Being sick and feeling like crap in the morning means I don’t feel like packing much other than…pb&j. I mean really, who likes packing food when they’re sick? Not I.

I tried my hardest to have something hearty for breakfast with my long day ahead…and stomach that couldn't decide what it wanted to do.

I settled with a Fruit and Bran muffin from TJ’s with a donut peach, blueberries and strawberries, topped with pb. Lasted me a good number of hours!

Late morning I snacked on half my container of grapes and saved the rest to go with my lunch.

Simple pb and cinnamon sandwich with those leftover grapes…

All day was spent out in the desert and it was crazy cold in some sections while crazy hot in others. I couldn’t decide whether to keep my hoodie on or off!

I had some snacks mid-afternoon of some trail mix and cereal before finally getting home and relaxing…and start gawking over my new purchases from Athleta!

I am really excited about these purchases! I have been using the same workout clothes for a lot longer than I would like admit and another plus, new workout clothes always make you feel more confident when you workout, especially if they’re cute! I like the colors and the jacket is going to rock come winter when there’s snow on the ground! Honey likes the jacket too, can you tell? She laid on all the other tops too. She approves. I do too. And I got all of them for great prices too! Double plus!

Soon enough I needed dinner, even though it was 5pm. I didn’t feel like cooking anything so what better than to just blend! I made my normal yummy smoothie with cereal and Attune Chocolate Munch.

Just right!

Now I’ve having some dried mango slices before I get ready for bed. I’m pooped! And I’ve got a long day of hiking for work tomorrow in the heat! Yikes!

Weekend Edition

2011-08-16T00:28:00.001-04:00

Hey hey everyone! Thanks for the wonderful comments on the Stereotypes post! I always thought I was alone in that area of my ED but nope, I’m not alone! I’m glad that so many of us have been able to recognize how it’s affected us!

I apologize that I’ve been gone all weekend, it wasn’t my intention. I’ve been working on a guest post for a product company that I love along with traveling home to see my BROTHER for the last time before he leaves and moves to NEW YORK for his MASTER’S PROGRAM! I couldn’t be more proud of him attending Columbia to further his studies! So if you’ve got ANY SUGGESTIONS of places (esp food!) to visit in NYC please let me know! I know my brother would love to know about them!

Anyhow, the only thing I have to show for this weekend was my ~~failure~~ cheesecake that I made for the party.

Oh, what is that in the middle you see? Yep, huge ~~fatty ugly~~ cracks!! I totally forgot to put my pan of water in the oven to help prevent that from happening but I was also in the middle of cutting watermelon and honeydew, preparing spam musubi and a ton of other things.

But who cares what the cheesecake looks like right? It was a hit! I made a regular cheesecake recipe I frequent and just added in a bag of chocolate and pb chips to the batter. Presto! You have a delicious cheesecake! I was going to make a caramel apple cheesecake because I know how much my brother loved it (along with the pumpkin chocolate chip one!) but my roomie brought a caramel apple pie, so I figured chocolate was a good choice.

Anyhow, I’m in the middle of catching a nasty head cold and hoping I don’t wake up wit ha fever tomorrow so early to bed for me tonight! I’ll be back with a full post tomorrow, promise!

Stereotypes

2011-08-12T00:16:00.001-04:00

[[Side Notes: Stereotypes

I believe one of the most common misconceptions about having an eating disorder is that it’s all about looks; we just want to look pretty.

Um, no. People need to understand that eating disorders stem from so many different reasons. For instance, when I developed an eating disorder in college, it was for many reasons. It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t want to look emaciated, feel weak, and never eat the things that I wanted to, but it happened because of other reasons. Here are mine:

-I was moving away to college. This was the first time I had ever been so far away from my family, miles and time wise. I’m extremely close to my family, and even extended family. And not only that, by MOVING AWAY to college I was not taking any of my friends with me so I was alone, and I hate being alone. It doesn’t help that I am not any sort of social butterfly so making friends I knew from the beginning, was going to be an issue.

-Just before I left, my grandmother unexpectedly died. Although I was not super super close to her, it came while we were on vacation and was a shock to everyone in the family. It was just pure shock, and no one knew what to do. I hadn’t seen her in months and was sad that I never had the chance to say goodbye or that I loved her.

-I had just broken up with my boyfriend. I had one boyfriend all through high school and broke up with him the summer before college. I was dating someone else from my high school and it was fine when I went to my college because he often came down to visit, but it was hard starting something so new when everything else in my life was new too.

-I had no friends. I made a handful of friends throughout the first few weeks of school who I stuck with most of the time, but it was hard when I wasn’t with them. I was surrounded by people that had none of the same interests as me along with many other attributes that I’ll get into in a second.

-Everything, was out of my control. I am a woman of control, and always have been. When I was in high school my urge to control things were released in a healthy style by doing things that helped me realize I could them with success: be cross country and track team captain; write and take photos for the yearbook; be French Club vice president, etc.

-Ethnic Stereotypes and Status: These were the two things that had the biggest influence on me developing my anorexia. I’ll go into each with some detail.

-Ethnic Stereotypes: I’m Japanese. But I’m also German. And a bunch of other European ethnicities, but basically I’m half Asian, half white, and look primarily Asian. At my school, from the second I walked onto that campus, I was the minority. I was one of very few Asian people attending the school at that time, and I felt it. I was supposed to be the smart one, good at math, good at music, and skinny. Yep, skinny. Why Asian girls always were presumed to be skinny was beyond me, but I didn’t fit into the stereotype my school seemed to hold, and they were primarily white. I would say 95% of my school was white and it was hard to fit in. So being Asian, not standing up to the stereotype, and not looking white, meant I didn’t fit in…and I really wanted to having so few friends.

-Status: Not only was my school primarily white, which please let me say I had absolutely no problem with at all (I mean I’m 1/2 white!), but it was also high on the ladder, as in, many many many of the students were very rich. I was surrounded by people driving expensive cars, carrying expensive bags, and covering their eyes with expensive glasses. I was the girl that lived off of Target apparel, didn’t now what or who Louis Vuitton was, and wore Converse shoes to well, everything. I didn’t have the money to join a sorority, go out clubbing all the time, take crazy spring break vacations, and the like. And because I didn’t have or do these things, I was left out. Being left out made me feel like a failure and made me resort to anorexia. I couldn’t control what they thought of me and if they wanted to be my friend, so I took a hold of the reigns and went full speed ahead with the only thing I could control: anorexia.

It still amazes me now how the last two things had such an influence on how my eating disorder developed. It all rolls down to the one thing: I felt like I had to live up to a certain standard. I couldn’t get the money they had, but I could be skinny, and by being skinny they would assume I was rich and more like them. Crazy, oh so crazy in my head.

It never really left me while I was in college and I believe ruined the social aspect of college for me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my college for all it taught me because I got a absolutely fantastic education but socially, it sucked royally. The only time I ever went outside was to exercise or go to class. I was hermit and not until my senior year did I actually go out on a week day and stay up later than 10 o’clock (shocker!).

All in all, college made most of my ED happen, and I hate to say it because college is supposed to be such a great experience. But sometimes, it has it’s side effects.

Did you find it hard to fit into your college? Did it have any ill effects on you? How did you adjust to making new friends and starting such a new chapter of your life? ]]

iHerb Winner and My Bear Encounter!

2011-08-08T23:13:00.002-04:00

Number 17: Lindsey!

Congrats lady! If you could email me so I can get your email address I’ll send that along to iHerb so you can start your shopping! You’re going to love all the products you get; I know I have!

~~

Today was a fun and exciting, yet scary day in the field. This is where it all started: on the Pacific Crest Trail. I’m walking along, clapping my hands (more on that in a minute) and looking out for snakes when I take a step and realize oh snap! I can’t step on this little guy! Horned Lizard!!! Isn’t he a cutie? He was probably just bigger than the size of my palm and so calm. It was warm and he blended in soooooo well!

I finished my walk to the first place I needed to get to and came upon these two beauties (Ok, these specific mule deers were seen a month ago, but I basically saw the same thing)! Who doesn’t love a fawn and her mama!

And then, the real excitement happened. I’m at my last survey point and I hear this grunt, that sounds playful and not like a grown bear. The wind is blowing so I try to brush it off. Then I hear it again…and branches being crushed. I squat behind a rock that I’m at and squeeze this for dear life:

(Source)

About 150-200m away a baby black bear comes bounding out of the forest. Holy crap my heart is racing and I feel like I’m going to puke. The cub is running around, going after his Mama, playing around with her as they head down the mountain. I watch cautiously and thanked my lucky stars that I hadn’t walked down that path 20 minutes later than I had, and was DOWNWIND. They couldn’t smell me…or at least I thought so. They didn’t come after me, so that’s all that counts.

(Source)

You’d think I’d be terrified every time I got out in the field with the chance that I could run into a bear, mountain lion, rattlesnake, bobcat and the like, but the only thing that really terrifies me is bears, and bees. Yes, bees. I’m always afraid of swarms. But anyhow, as scared as I was when they were walking by, it was amazing to see them in their natural setting. I have seen black bears before up in Mammoth Lakes, CA as a kid, but it’s been years and when I saw them last, they were upturning my fishing camp taking all my fish I'd caught all morning! Bah!

6.5 miles later and I had seen more hummingbirds than I could count and more mammals and reptiles in one day since the first of the year! It was definitely a great day in the field!

I had a great breakfast before the hike (breakfast cookie with pb flour and lots of berries on top) and mid hike I ate a Cookie Dough Luna Protein Bar, but faster than you could blink because I was afraid a bear would smell it (go figure, they showed up 10 minutes later; hah!). So you can imagine that by the time I got back to my car I was starving…and realized I forgot my lunch. FAIL!

I had an apple so I ate that on the drive home and knowing I had a pb&j waiting on the counter at home, I instead decided to go to the local bakery and get my favorite veggie sandwich with the best spicy mustard I’ve ever had (and normally I’m not a fan!). It was delicious and just what I needed after that warm and long hike!

I got home and had to help my roomie with another flat tire so I headed out again, and by the time I got back home again I was starving! I knew I needed protein so I had a handful of wheat crackers with some dark chocolate dreams pb and a pluot…hit the spot!

I guess that hike took more out of me than I thought because sooner rather than later I was starving and immediately started on dinner! I have been wanting to make quinoa forever so I finally got on it today, cooking it in some vegetable broth to add in extra flavor. While that cooked I sautéed onion, squash, green beans, black beans and an ear of corn with some spices to eat along with it. I topped the whole thing off with some fresh tomato and dinner was set!

It was just what I wanted, though could have been more spicy; next time I’ll remember to add in more chili powder.

For dessert I had a mini chocolate soy ice cream bar to cool myself off and then finish some more work!

How was your Monday? I hope it was good!

Have you ever seen a black bear? Or a grizzly even?!
I want to hear stories of your animal encounters!

Tehachapi Food and Wine Festival 2011

2011-08-08T00:49:00.001-04:00

What a night! Definitely a lot of fun, can you tell?

Oh boy, where do I start?! Tickets were purchased months earlier…

And I couldn’t wait until this Saturday! My brother’s were coming up with their girlfriends, along with their friend Jason, and I had Whit and my roomie with me this year too! I couldn’t ask for a better crowd! They’re so much fun!

Don’t we just look like a blast?! haha! The way this festival is set up is that there are many many food and wine vendors, along with live music and art available for purchase. When you pick the food or wine that you want, you get your samples and get your tag stamped that gives you a total of 8 food samples and 8 drinks.

So as soon as we got our tags, it was food time! Of course I hit up my favorite one from last year: Petra’s!

An awesome assortment of hummus’, baba ganoush, some walnut and tomato dip, pita chips, and an eggplant dish that was like eggplant parm but layered with a different cheese and pita chips! It was tasty, though I skipped out on the cheese.

I didn’t get enough pita chips so I headed over to Kohnen’s Bakery for a pretzel roll to finish off the hummus’. Soooo good.

I live in a very large farming community so many of the vendors were from our local farms and couldn’t pass up this organic salad with organic ciabatta bread.

I was totally ready for dessert the second I got there so when I saw Linda’s Cake’s handing these out I sacrificed my stomach (remember, I’ve gone non-dairy) and had this trifle…so creamy. But not as good as the next dessert…

Chocolate mini cupcake with lots of chocolate frostings…Triple D’s Cupcakes did a great job. And did you know they were on Cupcake Wars?!!? Oh yeah, you know they’re gonna be good then!

All the sweetness was a bit much so I had something savory to even it out…I didn’t have much of the salsa because it was hotttttt and the guac was loaded with too much garlic…I’m still burping it a day later.

Not only did we get a little wine glass for wine samples but we were also giveN these awesome goblets, just like last year, to get our beer in. I got this, had a sip, then handed it over to my brother because I wasn’t feeling the alcohol all night. My brother was sure liking New Castle’s new Summer Ale though! Everyone was…most of them going back for their 4th or 5th glass.

A little more savory though slightly sweet was in the works so I had another kind of organic salad with strawberries, dried cranberries and candied walnuts with raspberry vinaigrette

And my last bite for the night, which was a first for me in my life: Cherry Pie!

Can you believe that I’ve never had cherry pie in my life?! For year I’ve always thought of cherry pie as something that was going to taste like pure sugar but since this one was from the local restaurant and I knew the woman that made it, I gave it a shot. It was terrific! not too sweet and still tasted like cherries! I could eat a whole one of these if I had it!

By the end of the night I was beat. I ran my long run that morning (11 miles) so my legs were already tired from the run after all the walking we did at the festival! We actually ended up leaving the festival a 1/2 hour before it ended because most places were closing up…but I did walk away with a full melon from a local farmer! How awesome is that!? haha!

Today was a pretty mellow day with everyone recovering from a food coma and alcohol induced state (except for me, someone had to drive Whit home!) although I made sure everyone had a good breakfast to soak everything up from the night before!

Pancakes with fruit! I actually had two of these with a little bit of organic syrup and ended up eating another 1/2 of one with some pb and raspberries since I realized I’d had no protein!

My brother’s left midday and then I napped and walked the afternoon away…

Not much else happened other than watching Soul Surfer, which was such a great feel good movie! If you need a feel good movie to watch, pick that one! It’s such an inspirational movie!

Until tomorrow!

Oh, and remember you have until
TOMORROW TO ENTER INTO MY IHERB GIVEAWAY!!! $50 PEOPLE!! I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT TO PASS IT UP!!!

Food and Wine Festival!

2011-08-06T20:13:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone! No post tonight because just like last year, I get to hang out with my family and friends at my town’s food and wine festival!!! Recap tomorrow! But this is what it was like last time!

My family is too fun!

Who Wants to Shop?

2011-08-04T19:14:00.001-04:00

I know you all love to shop. Especially about food…right? Who doesn’t?!

A few weeks ago, in the midst of contacting iHerb about donating to The Great Fundraising Act, I was also asked if I’d like to try one of their products. Um, yes! How could I pass up another lovely thing to add into my well, daily smoothies?!

So, iHerb sent me a pack of CocoCardio, made by Madre Labs and distributed only by iHerb,

CocoCardio is described on the package as “A premium, 100% Natural (non-alkalized) Dark Cocoa beverage enriched with Freeze-Dried Beet Juice Powder and a Full-Spectrum water–soluble Hibiscus sabdariffa (alyx) extract.”

Like I said, I knew instantly I was going to use it in a smoothie. The package does warn that the mixture is quite bitter, and boy, you could tell just by opening the bag! But, I’m always up for a challenge, and since my smoothies are largely fruit based, I knew that would help mask the bitterness.

The first smoothie I used it in I was kinda scared about the bitterness, so along with all the normal ingredients I used, I added in some stevia leaves (yes, real stevia leaves! I had some in my produce box!) just in case. Because of the dried beet root in the mix it gave the smoothie a really interesting red hue! It was quite interesting!

So, not only can I offer up a giveaway for a package of CocoCardio…but also a $50 shopping spree on iHerb’s Website!!! Yay!!!

Here are the TWO ways to enter!

1. Go to iHerb’s website and leave me a comment letting me know what you’d like to try!

2. Tweet about the giveaway, “@Tryingtoheal is having a $50 giveaway to iHerb! http://bit.ly/n5r9oR” and leave me another comment letting me know!

(Please note that if you live outside the US and win this giveaway you will have to pay for the extra shipping. Sorry guys!)

If you can’t wait to win the giveaway or want to order something ahead of time, you can use this coupon code, VUQ295, to get $5 off instantly!

Good luck! I will pick the winner on Monday, August 8th!

Bad Monday

2011-08-01T23:37:00.001-04:00

Wow, today did not go as happily as I had hoped, for many reasons.

1. This happened. And made me feel guilty.

I had more than a serving, and it rattled me. But I know I was eating them out of exhaustion, because I was tired from work. The sun was killer today. And I didn’t eat enough yesterday after the 10+ miles I ran and 2+ miles I walked.

2. Work has all but ceased for the week. I’m trying to be optimistic that by next week it’ll be back on but it has me worried a bit…I like it here. I don’t want to move. And I want to buy a car. Can’t happen if I don’t have a salary…

Boo.

3. I got eaten alive by bugs. There were flies and some sort of bee like bug all over the place…Itchy itchy.

But, I’m trying to look on the bright side. There was so much that was nice today to appreciate…ya know?

1. One of my favorite owls. Isn’t she a beauty! She was so close and I wish she would have stuck around longer! Can you guess what she is?

2. The grasses were covered in these little toads! I think the recent rain and floods we had the past two days has brought the babies out!

3. It was gorgeous as always. I couldn’t stop taking pictures! Yay for summer monsoon season!

4. My cat is just so stink’n cute. How could I not smile?

5. Even if I felt guilty about eating those cookies, I did eat some good food today:

(Organic peach, strawberries, blueberries, kashi heart to heart and pb)

(Spelt tortilla with leftover Curry Potato Hash from last night,
with Daiya Mozzarella)

(Salad with sautéed tempeh, corn, peppers and other veggies,
balsamic dressing, crackers on the side)

Tell me why you had a good Monday. I need some inspiration!

I know I told you I’d post about my giveaway tonight but it deserves it’s own post. I’ll definitely do it tomorrow, promise!

And…Back to Work

2011-08-01T00:12:00.001-04:00

Where did the weekend go? Wait, where did the month of JULY go!? I feel like it just started…and now it’s August! How crazy time is flying by! Before I know it it’ll be December and snowing. Yeek.

But I’ll admire the sunrise for now…out in the field in the heat at 5am in the morning. :)

So Sunday was a nice day! I woke up to severely overcast skies and thanked my lucky buttons because I had a long run to get done! And if the weather was going to be anything like Saturday morning (80 @6.30am with serious humidity) I didn’t know how well it would go. Anyhow, I headed out the door at 7.30 with my running buddy to support her on her run before her 1/2 marathon next weekend!

We ran a nice rectangle around town and although her pace is slower than mine, it was nice to get in the long run at a slower pace to help build up my stamina for future races…like maybe this one at the end of August? We ended up doing (Ok, I ended up doing because a few times I’d run ahead, then run back again to get her) 10.25 mi in 1:57.30. It felt good to finish though! I was tired and HUNGRY!

I’ve been trying out several mixtures this week with a new product I’ve been adding to my smoothies and finally found a good recipe! I’ll be sharing it with you tomorrow because it also comes with a GIVEAWAY!!! Yep, get ready!

I know you like the look of that one…it tastes just as good as it looks, I promise.

But even though my smoothie finally came out great, I was more proud of my all organic dinner! We have been getting a TON of POTATOES in our boxes every week and with it being summer I don’t usually like eating that heavy of food. But today, since it was much cooler, I decided to make a potato dish…and boy was it good!

It was pretty simple really, the only thing that I was worried about was the amount of spices I was putting in it! I didn’t want to overwhelm the dish and make us gag! Anyhow, like I said, simple and fast:

several small potatoes, diced into medium cubes (par boiled to make pan frying easier),

3/4 an onion diced
4 large cloves of garlic
1 yellow squash, cubed
1/2 red and green bell pepper, sliced small
Vegetable broth
Spices: Curry, Cumin, Black Pepper, Tumeric, Paprika, Chili Powder and probably something else!

I sautéed everything but the potatoes together and added them in last, even after all the spices

I slowly cooked it just to make sure the potatoes were cooked through and then it was dinner time!

I added in some chickpeas for protein while Whit added three scrambled eggs and some very sharp cheddar cheese. Success!

Great and easy recipe!! If you have more questions about it let me know and I’ll go into more detail on it!

Ok, Sunday means work tomorrow and I have to get ready!

Saturday in Numbers

2011-07-31T00:00:00.001-04:00

5.25am: The time the cat woke me up.

5: The number of miles I ran

1: How many times I drank a smoothie. And wanted another because it’s so hot.

3: The number of wild horses that blocked the road for work.

67: The number of birds I counted out in the field.

7: The number of lightening strikes I saw during my 30 minute drive out of the canyon.

1,000+: The number of times my heart breaks when I see the devastation that fires can do in one of my favorite previously forested canyons.

1: The number of metals I get for running two races.

12: The number of times I tortured my cat with my new metal. She’s annoyed.

3: The number of ads Honey ripped up as I tried to read them. She loves paper…and killing it.

5: The number of horses that are always in this gang in the fields.

9: The time I’m going to bed. Because my cat is crazy and woke me up way too early.

Denial

2011-07-27T15:47:00.001-04:00

[[Side Notes: Denial

(Warning: Numbers are included in this post
so if you are easily triggered, please do not read this post)

I get many emails from readers and other bloggers about my steps in recovery. It has been a very long journey going on for over 8 years, with it’s ups and downs all over the place, but the question I get asked the most about recovery is the first step. What did I do? Who did I go to? What happened?

I have written previously about how I first got help, with a hall mate of mine confronting me about my weakening figure. We went to a counselor at my college together to get some help in hopes of getting me healthy again and away from feeling guilty about food and my body.

That’s just one part of the first step towards my recovery though. All in all, yes it was essential that I got help to help me get better, but I had to accept something first:

I HAD A DISEASE.

I HAD AN EATING DISORDER.

I HAD ANOREXIA.

For the month leading up to this event, I thought I was just “getting healthier” and “avoiding junk food” to reverse the effect that going to college and have so much food at my disposal had created. I thought I was doing everything right and was just losing the weight I had gained since I had arrived. I ended up losing a lot more than I gained, but at that point it became an attitude of well, maybe just a few more pounds. It was no longer about those initial 10lbs I had gained, it was as far as I could get.

I remember vividly standing on the scale at the gym after a workout when I was in college as a freshman. I had just been to a counseling appointment and had lied my butt off about how I was feeling. I was always ashamed going to those appointments, like I had let down everyone in my life by developing this problem. There was so much guilt in having this disease that it just made everything else I did feel just as guilty. It was a big circle of self-destruction.

I remember seeing the number on the scale and feeling so pissed. I was so angry that I had gained a pound in a few days and immediately starting working out how I was going to lose it. I sat on a stretching bench, beating myself up on the inside and it finally hit me: I WAS SICK. There was no way that I should be mad that I weighed 102 pounds at 5’6” and that I had gained one in a short matter of time. I had never felt like this before and IT WAS NOT NORMAL OR HEALTHY.

I remember several discussions with my best college friend at the time, talking about my recovery and I could not for the life of me say the word ANOREXIA. It left such a bitter taste in my mouth, made my heart jump and hands shake. I could say EATING DISORDER, but something about saying the “A” word was super bothersome. I would literally stand in front of the mirror in my room and try to say it out loud. In my head it was doable, but out into the air it seemed impossible.

It took me a very long time to say it out loud, I think almost two years. I remember talking to the same friend and we both cried as I slowly but without a doubt said out loud, “Yes, I am sick. Yes, I have an eating disorder. Yes, I have ANOREXIA.”

It was such a liberating moment and I think one that is quite essential to recovery. Why is this essential? If you’re in denial of your ED like I was in the beginning, there is no matter of counseling or talking with people that will help you get better. You have to admit and believe that you have a problem and that you have to do something to figure it out. Without this admission, you’ll probably end up doing a lot of what I did: LIE. I lied so much about my emotions, how I felt physically and mentally that I could have written an entire book on the lies I told. It never helped that I didn’t tell the truth, and in the end made me feel worse because I was lying to the people that I loved. Who ever wants to lie to their friends and family?

So take home message: in order to start your recovery, you cannot be in denial. I think it’s such an important step to take and after admitting it, will make you feel so.much.stronger; that you will be able to defeat the disease and move past it living the life you were supposed to. It also does not mean that you are any less of a person to admit this, it means that you are ready to start recovering. ]]

I”ll be back tonight with a real food post! I’ve actually been taking pictures of my foods; aren’t you proud of me?! Until then, this is life:

September

2011-07-26T00:21:00.001-04:00

Two months.

I can’t wait until September because I’ll be back here again:

Life can’t seem to slow down at all for me to take a breather…seems like this is the only way. Yeesh.

The Great Fundraising Act

2011-07-24T22:53:00.001-04:00

I’m sure you’ve all been reading about one of the biggest online auctions our blog realm has ever seen, The Great Fundraising Act.

I have never met Susan, but I knew as soon as I got the email about this event, I had to take part. It’s an amazing auction with over TWO HUNDRED ITEMS up for bidding, including boxes/gift bags from several companies and about a hundred different blogger baked goods, mine included!

I have donated my favorite things:

Banana Chocolate Chip Walnut Muffins/Loaf

Peppermint Bark

If you would like to donate or participate in the auction, you can read about it here, which takes place TOMORROW starting at 8AM! I also contacted the generous people at iHerb and they are donating a $50 shopping spree on their website! So make sure you keep that in mind too! They are a great company!

I hope to see all of you taking part in this auction because it is for such a good cause. Susan is going through so much but keeping such a great attitude throughout everything!

2011 Cypress 10k

2011-07-24T01:19:00.001-04:00

Again, sorry for the absence! Work has been crazy! Many days this week have been spent doing two a day shifts, one early in the morning for birds and one in the evening looking for bats! This is where I spent many nights staring at some rocks and into the stars..

It’s pretty as the sun goes down and the colors come out!

As crazy as the week was, I was happy to have some plans to go home for the weekend, see my parents and run a race!

I got an early start in the morning, hitting up the Cypress 10k course for the umpteenth time in the past 15 years and got to the start! There were a much larger number of people this year versus two years ago when I ran it, but hey, makes for more competition!

The race took off at 7.30am and the weather couldn’t have been better: overcast and mid 60’s! The course is completely flat and two laps through the city and some neighborhoods. I’ve been running these streets since I was 14 so I know where every turn and crack is!

The first lap through the city went well. I actually was in such a hurry leaving my place on Friday that I forgot to bring my garmin, or even a WATCH, along with my band for my ipod! It was an interesting experience running with no time or music! But I think it really made me focus on the run and listen to my body. Anyhow, like I said, the first lap went pretty well. I actually ended up seeing three different people that I used to run cross country in high school with so it was inspiring! We used to all be the best of friends!

The elite came around way before I did and I was trucking along behind them…

The second lap was not nearly as nice as the first one, but I got through it! I focused on keeping my arms lowered, because when I get tired I tend to look like I’m punching myself in the face! I had a few people pass me up that got me a bit upset but I just told myself that the time didn’t matter and I just wanted to cross the finish line. I had no idea at any point during the run what my pace was or what my time was at any mile so I just kept going into the end! And Whit tried to get a good picture at the finish but this guy got in the way…

So hey Mr. 248, we have an awesome picture of you at the finish. Thanks dude.

But, as I came across the finish line I saw the time slowly ticking away and even though I didn’t have a watch, I knew I crossed the finish around 15 seconds after the gun so I figured I got…55 min!!! I was beyond stoked! I can’t remember the last time I ever ran a 10k under 56 minutes! I was exhausted like mad across the finish line but excited to see what a good time I had! I didn’t even feel like I had been running that fast the whole time! I felt like I was going a 10 min pace!

I was excited at the end of the race to see one of my great friend’s Neal with his wife and family, along with some other cross country friends, hanging out and chatting. I haven’t seen Neal since he got married almost two years ago so it was nice to catch up! I miss this guy!

After all was said and done I finally went and checked my official time and it was…55:00:00!! Can you believe that?! If I had been a 10th of a second faster I would have been under 55 minutes!!! So close! Well, I’ve got another 10k in a month but it’s in the mountains, at elevation and not flat so we’ll see what happens with that one…fingers crossed!

We spent the rest of the morning wandering around the city festival where I bought a cute shirt and some super cute necklace pendants and earrings! I can’t wait to show them to you!

Tomorrow is going to be nice while I go to the beach with Whit as he surfs and I do a nice recovery run on the beach, sans watch of course! I hope you all have a great Sunday!!

Did you run a race this weekend? Anything exciting to report as of now!?

10k Race Day!

2011-07-23T08:42:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone! Sorry for no post they past few days! I've been working some late nights doing research on bats so time has been used mainly to catch up on sleep!

Anyhow, I'm at my parents for the weekend with Whit and am going to run a 10k in about an hour and a half! I'll let you know how it goes this afternoon! Well, if it's anything worth blogging about....haha.

I hope your weekend is starting off well!!

Oh, and if you' re in the OC/LA area let me know! I'd love to plan a little meetup!

Sent from my Nokia phone

7 Links and Honey

2011-07-20T20:57:00.001-04:00

Whew! I played the rescuer today in the 100 degree heat when my coworker popped her truck tire in a sand pit! It was not the greatest tire change I’ve ever done but hey, we did it and no one got smashed! Hah!

Anyhow, one of my favorite bloggers Katy nominated me to take part in a project called My 7 Links. It’s very interesting and lets me take a look back at all the fun I’ve had on my blog for the past four years! And hopefully it’ll let you see something things you might have missed over the years! Here are the guidelines:

THE GOAL

To unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavor to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again.

THE RULES

1) Blogger is nominated to take part

2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.

3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.

4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers

5) And so it goes on!

6) We’ll be sharing the best posts from participating bloggers on our blog and everyday on Facebook and Twitter at #My7Links

Here are my 7!

Most Beautiful: A Different Kind of Post
Most Popular: Abandoning the Scale
Most Controversial: Skinny Fat Are We?
Most Helpful: On Letting Go
Surprise Success: 2nd Puberty
Not Enough Attention: It’s Time To Help The Environment
Most Proud: My first Side Note: A Day In The Field and A New Side Note

And here’s who I nominate!

Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine
Bobbi @ NHerShoes
Monica @ Run Eat Repeat
Amanda @ Two Boos Who eat
Kaitlin @ Kaitlin With Honey

I thought I’d give you a bit of mid week entertainment by giving you pictures of Honey…who doesn’t love a ~~crazy~~ cute cat, right? I kinda want to get another…she needs a friend when I’m out in the field all those hours, right?…

When she tries to get me to stop working

And play with her…

Stalker cat…

Crazy cat…

I don’t understand her logic on this one since I had just finished running and that camelbak was soaked in sweat! Ick! Dirty cat! Maybe she wants to go running…?

Playful cat…

I guess she grew out of my kitten length when she fit in this perfectly….

And this is why all my clean just laundered clothes are covered in cat hair…she claims my clothes all for herself.

Haha.

Why Skinny? Pt II

2011-07-19T01:19:00.001-04:00

[[Side Notes: Why Skinny? Pt II

It’s amazing what a run without a watch (ok, Garmin to be truthful, I still had a normal watch on) or an ipod can bring to reality. Running is something that has always cleared my mind and made me see things they way they really should be seen, without the curtain that keeps the truth from being seen.

From the moment I woke up this morning, my thoughts were everywhere. My schedule is a lot different than normal this week so I’m totally thrown off and things like that always make me slightly anxious. I’m a creature of habit and routine. Anyhow, I had a training class this morning and had to wait forever to eat my breakfast, which left me in a foul mood. I was beyond hungry even after I had eaten, which made me tired and I couldn’t concentrate.

It made my day out in the field an anxious one. Add onto that that I was stuck in one place for almost 5 hours, some bit of boredom starts to kick in. Add all those things together and it’s a crisis in my food world. I ended up eating basically everything that I brought, which in my head was the size of a mountain, but in reality just some more than I would usually eat throughout an afternoon, just in one sitting.

I came home feeling, devastated. I felt like I had failed the “eating plan” (basically of restriction) in my head and that yes, I was going to turn fat overnight. I was tired and instead of snacking to keep myself awake I decided to just lay down and take a nap. That did wonders. I can’t tell you how much better I felt after I woke up, quenched my thirst with some fresh honeydew and finished up work.

I had plans to run and burn off all those calories, but as I headed out the door, I told myself, in my new shoes and with confidence they would be great, that I was doing so without pressure and going to take my time. I had plans to run a 3.5 mile block near my house, but as I neared the last turn I realized how great I felt and kept going. And kept going still. And I kept repeating, “Give yourself some SLACK. Perfection is OVERRATED.” I finished the 4.6 mile run in 40:47 which is way faster than my normal pace! Who knew?! I felt great and even picked it up at the end and I felt awesome when I stepped back into my place.

But while I was running I thought about my last post, about the things that I have thought for so many years that I thought being skinny, or losing that last 5lbs would bring. Really? I’ve always had it in my head that being skinny meant:

-I would instantly have a better fashion sense, since I simply don’t have one at all.
-I would have more friends and they would like me more.
-I would be more outgoing and go out.
-I would never have someone say they don’t like me or think less of me for something.
-Everything in my life would be perfect.

(College at the end of my freshman year, at my lowest…)

In reality though, none of that would happen if I was skinny, or lost that 5lbs.I mean, I’ve already done that and can say from experience: none of it happened. Instead, these were the results:

-Extreme fatigue, no matter how much I slept or napped.
-Extreme cold.
-Constant paranoia over food and exercise.
-Never going out with my friends and declining every offer given.
-Wearing baggy and ugly clothes to keep attention from being drawn to me.
-Never running for fun. Or without some sort of pain.
-Running injuries.
-Headaches, night sweats, body aches, etc.

It.is.not.worth.it. I mean, why do something that won’t give me the things I want, because they’re either something I can’t control, or something I simply need to learn (like fashion…it’s always been a sore spot for me…help dress me please? haha!)?

So hopefully when I wake up tomorrow, I will feel better than today. It doesn’t have to be completely 100% chipper and outgoing, but at least better. I have to start somewhere, right? ]]

Why Skinny?

2011-07-17T18:00:00.001-04:00

[[Side Notes: Why Skinny?

Excuse the absence. Things have gone from bad to worse to better to good to sub par. You know how emotions can be?

It’s been a daunting few days and to tell you the truth the thing that pulled me out of it was seeing my counselor. Since the marathon, I have been down in the dumps. I go through phases like this, but none have been this bad. I wasn’t to the point where I didn’t want to get out of bed and just sleep my days away, but I was very blah, not caring about anything going around me, not caring about food, looks or anything whatsoever. Well, except my cat. How could you not care about a pet?

(Look, the environmentalist cat.
She loves reusable bags just as much as I)

The past month has taught me a lot of things. I have never been more determined to beat these “funk” feelings and see to it that it didn’t bring my eating disorder back into full swing. Before, I would have given into it, let it take me away because I thought it was right. And for a while I was very scared, seeing myself walking into the open arms of my eating disorder. All the signs were coming back: checking the mirror too much, finding ways to skip meals/snacks, exercising more than once a day in an obsessive/aggressive manner, counting calories meticulously and wanting so badly to lose weight.

I kept asking myself as all this was happening, what good is being skinny going to do? It’s not going to make the marathon come back and be any better; it’s not going to make your emotions any easier to handle; it’s not going to make people love you more than they already do; it’s not going to make running and training any easier; it’s not going to making anything better at all.

I had turned into a bit of a hermit, secluding myself from activities amongst friends and coworkers. It was hard to decline their offers, but I did. One of the biggest failures I would say was not taking part in all the restaurant outings I was offered. My dreaded fear of eating out had come back. ]]

I needed something to show my independence and well, to show myself that I was stronger than this feeling. So what better than dive into the barracudas that are car dealerships, right!?!?!

I have been in the market for a new car for a while. I’ve got back and forth between small compact cars to mid size cars and crossovers. I couldn’t decide what would be best for dealing with the amount of ice and snow we get during the winter, but also be extremely reliable and get very good gas mileage with all the crazy driving I do for work. So I headed into the city and went to test drive a few cars…

Nissan Juke…kinda weird looking right? A bit too small.

Honda CR-V…I didn’t test drive it, but it’s nice. No one likes the very back side windows, but when you’re driving you can’t see it. Otherwise very roomie and nice car!

Toyota Prius. I know many who have this car, but with the new edition I felt like I was so overwhelmed. As comfy and smoothly that it drove (though a lot of road noise) there was just too much computer/electronic components.

Hyundai Elantra…meh. Super nice car, but something just wasn’t biting with me.

Hyundai Sonata Hybrid…nice car. Way too $$$$.

Nissan Rogue. Nice car and reminds me of the CR-V, but I don’t think I need a big car like that for a prolonged period of time.

But, nothing seemed to click more than when I, after researching this car for weeks and never seeing it on the road, went and saw and test drove the Honda Insight.

It was simple. small but large enough for the things I tote around, zippy enough and how could I ask for better hwy mileage (44mpg? With up to 50?!)? Everything about it screamed to me and I mean come on now, I’m a biologist/conservationist so how could I not want to get a hybrid!!!???

So soon enough, my trusty Baby-G (yes, that’s the name of my car; she’s green/turquoise and small, ok?) will be partnered to another while I hit the road with my new baby…name tbd.

Anyone seen the Insight? Or own one? What do you think of it?!

Favorite Foods

2011-07-13T23:08:00.001-04:00

Today I made sure to give myself what I wanted food wise. I have spent too many of the past days thinking about what I needed or should have instead of what I wanted. What is a life without things I love like chocolate. Or a nice big bakery muffin with some pb and a delicious organic white farmer’s market peach. Kitty smiles on the side.

Lots of time in the field today…oh the house of driving. A little bit of encouragement to keep me going…seriously, I love this bar.

I didn’t think I was going to be out as long as I had, so I didn’t bring an adequate lunch. I was ravenous on the drive home so I tore into my secret stash of dry roasted cashews and had just enough to keep me satisfied until I got home to this:

I love me some fruit salad and crackers with hummus. These crackers and hummus have been my mainstay these past weeks. If you can get to TJ’s I highly suggest these crackers!

Whit came up before he’s going to be gone all weekend camping on the coast so I had to make sure he had something good for dinner, or that I had to make something other than a sandwich for dinner. Anyhow, I chopped up a watermelon for everyone to munch on, including myself, while I got started on a tofu scramble!

Mine included a full block of tofu, two types of summer squash, 1/2 an onion, green beans, soy sauce, olive oil and vegetable broth. It came out a little more bland than I’d hoped, but I’m trying to adjust my palate to less salty things since I makes me feel/look like I’m pregnant!

And to finish off my sweet tooth for the night I had one of my favorite and not longer available Attune Bars: Milk Chocolate Crisp!

And a few pieces of dried mango…I seriously can’t stay away from these things!

This weekend I’m focusing on getting in some more things that I love from local eateries (french toast here I come!!!) along with some time to indulge in what I want…like a NEW CAR. Yep, car shopping this weekend! Is it Friday yet? :D

What are a few things you LOVE to eat or CRAVE?! And any fun plans for the weekend!? You can’t plan too fara ahead, right?!

Everyday Is The Start, Of Something Beautiful

2011-07-13T00:53:00.001-04:00

This funk has really got me out of sorts. Poor Whit has been having to deal with all my crazy moods that seem to come out of no where and linger on forever. I’ve been taking time to read, breathe deep and appreciate my surroundings for work in hopes of getting this underlying feeling out of my head.

It’s hard though. I’m trying so hard to fight off the urge to restrict or run more than my legs can take, but I’m getting there.

It helps when I get flowers too (8 months!).

I can’t say everyday has been a success because they haven’t, but I find that catching the actions in the act and telling myself it is WRONG, will help get me in the right direction.

Besides, how could I not be in a good mood when I see nature at it’s finest: momma and baby!

After much contemplation about this “funk” and feeling bad I think I know where it’s coming from: the marathon. Ever since the race I feel like everything has been downhill. I’ve be more insecure about my body than in the past year I’ve been at my new residence and going to counseling and can’t help but want to go back to my old ways from almost 8 years ago (yes, 8 stupid freak’n years….gosh).

It’s very frustrating to say the least since I have been doing SO.MUCH.BETTER. It drives me crazy that it’s coming back when it had gone away from so long and I’d gotten so strong. But as I’ve always said, I know that I’ll never be rid of this disease and even though it might come up every once in a while, I’ll just have to remember the joy I feel when it’s gone to help me get over the lull that has made it reappear.

Positive words are working their way through my mind…and hopefully staying there.

My Protein Shakes/Smoothies in a Bowl

2011-07-11T21:58:00.001-04:00

I’ve gotten quite a few emails lately asking me about the smoothies I make so I thought I’d make a post sharing the various ingredients I use to make it so thick and tasty!

The start of my smoothies always includes a cup or two of fresh spinach and 3/4 a cup of Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze that I blend with a serving of protein powder (I use chocolate or vanilla spirutein protein powder), 3T-1/4C of pb flour by TJ’s, or a big spoonful of regular pb. Sometimes when I use the pb flour or glob of pb I do add in a bit of guar gum but not too much or it makes the smoothie kind of…plastic like? Yuck!

This initial blend without frozen stuff helps to create more of a liquid base to blend the smoothie since I don’t have a vitamix or anything and have to use spatulas to wipe the sides while the blender is going!

With that part done, I add in one of the following:

1.5 C mixed frozen berries
1C frozen mangoes
1 frozen banana and 1 C frozen berries

I find that mangoes make for some serious creaminess in many of my smoothies. I think they’re just like bananas in how they make smoothies so thick, but provide a much stronger taste to the overall smoothie.

So, I blend all that together, making sure to mix the frozen stuff with the liquid base in the beginning, and eat it quickly (it’s hot there and melts quick). I typically add in a some sort of cereal or mix of them because I like the crunch of it in the smoothie!

I probably eat at least one a day, if not two sometimes depending on my mood and the weather! Here are a few pictures of the various types:

-Spinach, USVAB, chocolate protein powder, mixed berries and cereal

-Spinach, USVAB, vanilla protein powder, frozen banana, frozen berries, cereal.

-Spinach, USVAB, 1/4C pb flour, 1C frozen mango, 1/2C frozen berries.

I know they probably all look the same but I swear they all taste different! If you have any other questions let me know! I’d be happy to answer them!

Eat, Eat, Eats!

2011-07-10T01:51:00.001-04:00

Thank goodness for a relaxing weekend! I was able to stay up late Friday night (for once!) and sleep in Saturday…yep, 6am was a great wakeup time! Anyhow, I had plans for a long run today and got up with the swak of a cat paw to my face, a 1/2 a sandwich thin with pb and an apple.

The run was not ideal, but I think I’m just trying to get back into the groove from all the work and well, my funk. I was good for about the first three miles but then my legs felt like the heaviest lead on the planet. Alas, I finished the 7.06 mile run in 1:05 and was glad to be done!

Clean and done drinking lots of water, I made a protein smoothie with cheerios mixed in, and a sticker I got at the SD Expo in the window. Yep, I run with it.

I lefts to pick up my produce box and bam more green beans and potatoes! I’m pretty tired of them…though am excited about those squashes and mini eggplant!

I actually ate a nectarine before I left with my roomie into the major city down the mountain. We didn’t realize how late it was and went straight to TJ’s to get some lunch! I got my favorite spinach salad along with some sesame pita chips for a little crunch.

We went and saw Bad Teacher to get out of the stink’n heat of the valley (over 100*) and finished up with a visit to my favorite fro yo place who just by chance, was serving a fro-yo style sorbet!!! That means I actually got to have some! I don’t know if I’ve made this clear, but I’ve eliminated all dairy from my diet, including things like caisin that might be found in some vegetarian cheeses. Alas, I got to try three different flavors: watermelon, raspberry pomegranate and orange!

Sooooooo good!!! We hit up Target, that took everything from me that I own, along with TJ’s for groceries and then home. I wasn’t actually feeling good all day because I had a nasty headache that lingered after the run. I drank a significant amount of water after the run but the damage had already been done…lets put it this way, it’s 10pm and I still have a headache, enough that my eyes hurt pretty badly, like a sinus infection.

I snacked on another handful of those pita chips on the ride home and then tried to relax. The headache got worse throughout the evening and I thought I might have been hungry (my stomach wasn’t growling though, too confusing) so since I didn’t feel like much and was hot, I had another smoothie. It was like this morning, except I didn’t use protein powder and instead a glob of pb. Just what I needed…

I snacked on some watermelon while cutting it up along with a 1/2 a pack of dried mango. I wasn’t really hungry but thought the food might help my head…to no avail. Hopefully sleep will do it some good tonight…if I ever get to bed.

This Is How I Feel

2011-07-08T00:38:00.002-04:00

[[Side Notes: This Is How I Feel

I am in such a funk it’s ridiculous. I can’t seem to pull myself out of it since the marathon. No race nor run, even my PR from the 4th of July, has made me excited. I’ve been dwelling on the reflection in the mirror, criticizing and contemplating how I can change it.

It’s driving me crazy. Which is also why I haven’t been blogging. I’m ashamed and just ugg, I hate it. I can’t seem to think of where it’s coming from, stemming from, or can be remedied with.

So…don’t be surprised if I disappear for a while because well, I’m just out of it. Hopefully something will change soon… ]]

At least I’ve gotten in some good eats though…

Some fun scenery…

And tryign to shwo off my new field shirt…I love the colors.

Ciao…

In The Season: Fresh Green Beans

2011-07-06T17:07:00.001-04:00

You all know I get a weekly box of ORGANIC and LOCAL vegetables and fruit as part of my list of the things I want in 2011. It’s been going very well and I’ve been pleased with all the goodies which are coming in them but my problem has been, HOW TO USE THEM.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been getting a large bunch of green beans. Growing up the only green beans I ever had were frozen and nuked…so what was I supposed to do with fresh ones? Blasphemy! Ok, not, but you know…

So I set out to look at my ginormous stack of Vegetarian/Vegan Cookbooks (this is no where near all of them…I’ve kept a bunch at my parent’s place) and finally found something I could potentially use…potentially being the key word.

I actually found several recipes for green beans in all my books and decided to use a mix of them for the side dish I brought to the 4th of July BBQ I went to!

Asian Style Green Beans

Ingredients:

1 lb fresh green beans
1.5 T sesame seed oil
5 cloves of garlic, chopped
1/2 onion, diced
3-5 T low sodium soy sauce
1.25 C low sodium vegetable broth

Directions:

Select a large skillet with top because you are going to need room for all the green beans. Set aside with the sesame seed oil but don’t heat yet.
Dice up the garlic and onion and add to the sesame seed oil in the skillet. Turn on the heat to LOW and cook the onion and garlic through until translucent.
In the mean time, clean the green beans thoroughly and break off all the ends off the beans.
Add the soy sauce and vegetable broth to the onion and garlic, mixing well, then add in the green beans. Coat the beans with the mixture already in the skillet and cover.
Let the green beans sit and steam in the skillet for up to 10 minutes, depending on how crunchy you want them. Remove from heat and plate!
Eat with some rice and a protein and you’ll be good to go!

I know I know…the onions look like bacon. And when most people like to have bacon with their green beans…maybe you can trick them with this recipe. They’ll never even miss the bacon…I promise.

Let me know if you try it!

Any suggestions for some of the other stuff in my box, like LAVENDER, STEVIA, RADISHES and POTATOES!??!?!

4th of July 5k

2011-07-04T17:13:00.001-04:00

Wow was it a hot one!!! Upper 70’s with a serious amount of humidity…I was spent!

Thank goodness I had a nice and cool breakfast beforehand!

Small town = small race. But this is more than last year!

And we’re off!

All on asphalt, in the sun, and they ran out of water at the water stations…yeah. I only wanted the water to dump on myself though. I don’t’ drink during 5k’s.

I beat my time from last year though!!! Yay!!! Finish of 26.25 and 4th in my age group (20-29…when did age groups get so big? They want to skimp on awards!

My running buddy did a great job too! I ran back for her and egged her on with water to the finish line!

Now I’m off to a 4th of July bbq! This is a first non-family 4th of July for me!!! Strange!

Artsy Weekend

2011-07-02T00:36:00.001-04:00

I am so glad it’s finally the weekend! I just counted it up, but in the past 19 days I’ve worked 18! So crazy! Now I’ve got three days off to relax and recoup…and run a 5k. I can’t relax that much. Hehe.

But as always, thank you all so much for the wonderful and encouraging comments. I can’t tell you how much they keep me going and to know that you all still read my Side Notes and that they really do help. I’m hoping that all your great comments are deterring the meanies because I didn’t get a mean comment yesterday! That’s a first in like, 2 months! Yippee!

This morning was a miracle, because I actually slept in…until 6am! Haha! I guess that my body has gotten super used to getting up at or before 5am…Hopefully that can be fixed soon.

Alas, I got up and since mother nature can’t make up her mind, it was already warm and drying out, so I had my favorite breakfast from last summer: cereal, pb and a variety of fruit! I cut up a peach with blueberries and strawberries, topped with heart to heart and pb. I forgot how much I missed all that fresh fruit!

I read for a bit because I wasn’t planning on going into work mid morning. I also had plans to run with my running buddy! She was a bit late, but I was able to crank out 4 miles, pound down a 1/2 a leftover luna protein bar, and head out into the field to hike for 2+ more miles! It’s the last time I’ll be able to do this hike, so I took it in as much as I could. Granted I wanted to die because I was so hot, but I promised myself a fresh veggie sandwich once I reached the top!

I snacked on an apple with a few handfuls of trail mix after I got back to the car and finished up my surveys. I even took some black and white artsy photos. There are so many of these little homes that miners used to live in and I only got a few shots. I hope to get more before I can never see them again!

And the mountain…something about it being black and white makes it so majestic looking vs. color…love.

I returned home at a decent hour and finally showered. I didn’t clean up other than put on a pair of hiking pants after the run, so I was covered in running sweat, hiking sweat, thistles, dirt, sunscreen and deet. Thank goodness I work alone, right?! haha!

I was starving by the time I got home and snacked on the following: frozen mango and granola. With a side of book and bear deterrent. Hahaha, yep, basically bear mace!

I then headed downtown (seriously not like you’re thinking like downtown San Diego or LA, it’s more like the main part of town, lol) to our monthly First Friday celebration and buy myself a little something. I deserved something after all that work this week! I ended up buying myself a pair of earrings from a local and actually dressed up too! My aunt go me this top for an early birthday present and when normally I wouldn’t give it a chance, it looked great! Yay for actually dressing like a girl!

I was starving by the time I got home and quickly made a smoothie topped with more trail mix like I normally do. I was too hungry to make something out of my rut but tomorrow, I promise! I’ve already got the pinto beans sitting on the counter ready to use…what would you use them for?!

Now I’m ready for bed…and it’s only 9.24. Geez.

[[Side Notes: Exercise Mentality

Lately my problem has been exercise, for what reason I don’t know, because this normally happens when I don’t exercise, not when I do. Maybe the exercise I am doing is not providing me with the same endorphins as it used to and I’m just getting back into it again after the marathon, but there is no excuse.

Even as I run in the morning or afternoon and hike at some time during the day, I have been feeling like it’s not enough, though in reality it is way more than my body can take. How can I tell? A normal 3 miler now feels like death, and trying to hike is like something poking me to keep me going on the trail.

It’s one of those situations where I see how I’m feeling, “I feel guilty for not exercising enough,” and don’t quite understand, then realize, “This is crazy, I have been exercising and my exhaustion signs via my muscles are showing it.” There’s that, “It’s easier said than done” kind of moto that I’ve been thinking but I need to realize that it’s really not that hard to do.

It’s called: REST. I need to rest. I’ve been working my butt off the past three weeks and I just need to relax and catch my breath. By bringing back some serious sleep and eating a greater variety of foods, I know my body will bounce back. I just have to believe it, which is the hard part…But I’m sure gonna try. I hate feeling like this!!!

How do you know your body has been overworked and you need a break? What do you do to take time off of exercise without letting it get to you? ]]

Work’n Hard, Hardly Work’n

2011-07-01T00:15:00.001-04:00

Today was probably the one day that I didn’t want to go to work. This is a rare occurrence since I love my job. It’s hard work most of the time, but when it runs you haggard, it makes it a bit harder to get out of bed, and not get back in it.

I was surprised when I left yesterday morning and saw this on the dash…

Whattttt??? Is it not almost July?! Goodness gracious! But even though the temps were that low, the plants were showing off their summer colors!

How gorgeous are these?! I was loving the vibrant colors! They were amazing with the amount of land they covered!

Breaks my heart it’s going to be torn up and turned into wind turbine farms…major sad face.

Makes for pretty food backdrop, right?

Not only were the flowers pretty, but there were horses!

And BABIES!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!

The scenery from yesterday made the 4am wake up call bearable, but this morning, this was the only thing that kept me going:

Beautiful pinyon pine with canyona live oak…and lots of chickadees. I love chickadees.

[[Side Notes: Getting Through It

The past two weeks have not been my best. I know I haven’t been around much because I haven’t been blogging, and there are many reasons. Most of all I haven’t had time, but there are other things to factor in that have kept me away.

1. Mean Comments: I’m still getting them and trying to ignore them, but it’s hard. When you’re having a bad day, filled with ED thoughts and someone emails you about how fat you are, it doesn’t make for easy days in the brain. Being called a hypocrite is never easy either, so I’ve been working hard at trying to ignore those remarks

2. Food Guilt: My schedule has been crazy with mad wake up times and no time at home to actually sit down and eat a meal. I have a bad habit of setting specific times that meals can be eaten before it scares me, so to eat breakfast so early (4.45am) and be hungry again at 8am and it’s not where near lunch, makes me nervous. I know I can eat a morning snack, but I normally don’t. so to try and adjust for that kinda put me over the edge. You put that anxiety on top of being tired and working a lot, it doesn’t make for a good conclusion.

In addition to the time thing, I’ve also been eating basically the same 8 things for the past three weeks: PB&J, smoothie in a bowl, cereal with banana, veggie sandwiches, and a few other things. I’m trying to get my food mojo back but it hasn’t happened and it makes me frustrated. But the biggest thing about eating the same few things is that I end up knowing the calorie count and we all know how calorie counting can drive me crazy. It’s been hard to give up and is still hard to this day.

3. Exercise Guilt: This one kind of baffles me, because I’m been exercising everyday for almost two weeks, whether it’s running or hiking, which I think would keep me content. But maybe that’s just it, that I’ve been exercising so much that I feel like I can’t stop…know what I mean.

I went and saw my counselor today and although I didn’t discuss this much, probing into my being overworked plays in to so much how these feelings are coming out. Like I’ve talked about before, control is an issue with my ED and by being worked so much and not having control of certain things, it makes things a bit harder…

I don’t know much about where this Side Note is going but well, I guess I just needed to write all these things out. Bah. Excuse my rant. ]]

Hummingbirds LIVE!

2011-06-29T23:27:00.001-04:00

Oh. My. Goodness.

Because I wasn’t so crazy obsessed with the live Bald Eagle Cam, or the Panda Cam, or the Puppy Cam….but now, I have a Live Hummingbird Cam!!! I LOVE hummingbirds, and I’m even more excited it’s an Allen’s Hummingbird, one of my favorites!

(Source)

I found this yesterday and when I’m home (which heh, isn’t often) I watch to see when they’re going to fledge! I’m so excited to watch them grow and leave the nest!

So…that’s about all I’ve got for you today. I had way too long of a day (wake up call at 4.15 with work starting at 5.15!), with hiking, then a 4.5 mile hilly run and work meeting. Yeesh. At least I got a free dinner out of it. :)

I’ll have a Side Note for you guys tomorrow after my appointment… there is much for me to write about. Just think: mean comments = insecurity = restriction = unhappy feelings. Boo…

Breakfast Bell Peppers

2011-06-28T22:58:00.001-04:00

Windy windy day today! I could have been blown off the mountain…but ya know, it’s that kind of thing that makes for good stories. Like…my coworker saw a bear last week, in the area where I thought I encountered one but it was a cow! Ahhhh!!! I totally ordered bear mace today….yeesh.

Another early morning, but I had a few extra minutes to actually sit down and eat instead of shoving a pb and banana sandwich in my mouth while driving the car. I defrosted a Zen Muffin and topped with with some pb, sided with farmers market berries! I was so happy to actually have a chance to enjoy my breakfast this week!

Early mornings mean early breakfasts, so lunch was at…10.30? No shame, my stomach was growling! I couldn’t ignore it! I packed a veggie hummus sandwich on some sourdough vegetable bread with a side of peaches.

This bowl is a combo of 2/3 of a donut peach and 2/3 a white peach…the other 1/3s were uh…growing, if you know what I mean.

I got home from work, finished up computer stuff, snacked on an apple that wasn’t very good and a bunch of crackers and mistakenly peanut m&m’s. Why mistakenly? Because eating them before a HOT run = projectile vomit. Yep…that 3.5 miles was not the best run around.

I promised my roomie a good dinner because we have some serious vegetable overload from our produce box so I made stuffed peppers…breakfast style!

I cooked up some mini potatoes, sauteed them with some squash and onions, mixed with marinara and stuffed into the pepper.

The pictures peppers are actually my roomies, in which each pepper 1/2 was topped with cheese and an egg. I baked it at 400 for 35 minutes and shizzam! Awesome and easy dinner!

I know these can be made in lots of varieties so definitely try it! Besides, who doesn’t like a stuffed pepper, right?! What would you stick in yours?

Ok, I gotta get ready to go to bed super early since work is going to start at like, 5am tomorrow…ouch. I just keep telling myself…THREE DAY WEEKEND…hopefully. ;)

Weekend Smeekend

2011-06-27T23:40:00.001-04:00

Oh boy. Man, spring and into summer is one of the busiest times for a field technician! I have been going for far too many days in a row that I’m really in need of a break…thank goodness this weekend I get three days off! Woot woot!!!

But, even though I had to work on Sunday, it didn’t really feel like it…because I was out hiking part of the Pacific Crest Trail for work. What could be better than that for work?

It was absolutely breathtaking! I can’t wait to do it again…next week!

I hiked in from the other side of that mountain (pictured below) somewhere…it’s basically over three miles away from where the picture is taken!!!

And although it was fun to be out there working in the wilderness, I was scared to begazzles that I was going to come across a bear. I even thought I had at one point when I heard something crashing in the bushes. I ran back about 50ft and ducked into the bush to watch whatever this big creature was come out of the brush…and it was a COW. Gosh, my heart has never beat so fast!

The weekend was full of good foods…and I am glad for it. I have been in such a sandwich/food rut that I’m well…getting sick of them…and trying to come up with some great salads and stuff to take out in the field! I do have a small cooler to keep things cold a bit but it’s kinda hard…because half the time I forget a fork. Dangit!

This meal was probably one of the best meals of the weekend…well, those enchiladas were pretty good. Anyhow, I have been craving PIZZA like no other mother. I’ve been putting it off because well, pizza without cheese just doesn’t compare and since I finally tried out the Daiya cheese on the enchilada’s I had to try it on pizza.

Shizzam! I’m stoked that this stuff tastes so good and gives the pizza a real pizza feel. I topped mine with marinara, squash, artichoke, basil, spinach, meatless meatballs and Daiya cheese. Bahhh…I want it again! It had a tad too much salt in it though…because I was feeling it today. Blah.

Alas, I had that great hike on Sunday that was 6.5 miles long and on top of that a great 4 mile run today with my running buddy and 2 miles of hiking for work!!! I’m loving the endorphins!

So, I need some awesome combos for sustainable non-sandwich lunches!!! (Mags, send those recipes you mentioned my way, k? Thanks!) I’m open to anything that doesn’t have dairy since I can’t have any!!! I’m ready to try some new things too! It’s just a matter of finding it in my dinky town…hahaha!

Just What the Runner Ordered

2011-06-26T00:14:00.001-04:00

Finally, FINALLY do I feel like I’ve gotten my running and eating mojo back!!! I knew it was going to take some push and pull to get it revved, and thank goodness because I was about to go nuts!

This morning was the click that I so desperately needed to get everything back into place and have me smiling again! I naturally got up at 6am, well, Honey had a part in it, to get ready for a 6 mile long run. I was a bit worried since I hadn’t run any distance over 4 miles in the three weeks since the San Diego Marathon but it went pretty well! The first three miles were pretty tough because the wind was in my face and well, just brutal. But the second half home, I was flyin on the roads! I ended added in some sprints where I was running under 7min/mile! It felt WONDERFUL to really get those endorphins going!

Oh, and while running I decided on this:

I talked to Monica for a while the other day and we were talking race schedule, when she talked about her marathon training for this race. I’ve never run it, living only a mere few miles away, but am excited for it! At first I thought, maybe I could run the MARATHON but I don’t know if I’m ready for it…that and I don’t have time right now. So, I’m thinking HALF MARATHON for this race on October 9th! Yay!

Now that I’ve got something in the books to look forward and train to I think it’s goint to help me get in the running spirit. And actually, I’ll also be running a 5k on the 4th of July in town, then a 10k (or 5k, haven’t decided yet) on July 23rd near my parents and a 10k in town again in mid August! It’s going to be nice to get in a few shorter races than all these crazy long ones I’ve been going for!

Anyhow, this morning started off with an apple and lots of water before hitting the dirt to get that 6 miler in. I came home and quickly showered before getting my produce box and upon returning famished, made my breakfast! I couldn’t wait to dive into my stash of berries I got at the farmer’s market earlier this week. I had them atop a variety of kashi cereals, along with a banana and some USVAB. hit the spot perfectly.

It was a pretty late breakfast so my hunger on a run (hah) and I ended up eating some grapes shortly after, along with these dried apple pieces Whit brought with him!

Ironically, this apple farm is right down the street from my place! How crazy is that! We polished off a good share of them before I passed out for a 2 hour nap! My lack of sleep from work is finally catching up with me…and I have to work tomorrow too. Boo.

Alas, I woke up pretty hungry so I made one of my favorite sandwich combos: hummus, tomatoes, cucumbers and sprouts. OMG all I needed was some avocado and I would have been set. Sided with a fresh peach and presto! Lunch was complete! Oh, I did have a few crackers too afterwards.

I spent the afternoon reading (finally!) and decided to use up lots of the produce we’ve been getting in my produce box every weekend! I looked to my favorite cookbook (veganomicon) and used their potato and kale enchilada recipe as a base for my enchiladas which included mini potatoes, swiss chard, lamb’s quarter (have no fear, it’s a vegetable!) and my own homemade enchilada sauce! I even topped mine off with some mozzarella daiya cheese for the first time…and was pleasantly surprised!

I sided it with a small salad and went to town! Man these babies had a good kick to them! I ended up eating the second one I made, so no leftovers, because I guess I was hungrier than I thought! Such a great dinner, as I haven’t had much other than salads and sandwiches for the past two weeks!!! Yay!

Now I’m watching Leap Year with my roomie and contemplating bed at nine o’clock since I have to work tomorrow at a very early hour. Woop-dy do. At least it’s gonna be a good hike!!!

Too Hard On Myself…

2011-06-24T00:35:00.001-04:00

[[Side Notes: Too Hard on Myself…

This post is similar to the post I did on the Lessons I Learn, because I had something of the same morning except it wasn’t hunger that had gotten to me, but something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

Honestly, as I’m sure you can tell just from the lack of blogging and effort into it, I’ve been in a rut in well, most aspects of my life. Since the San Diego Marathon I have had very little motivation to run, which doesn’t help with the heat and amount of field work I’m doing (which = no working out time). It’s left me haggard because I have nothing to release my stress out onto.

Being out in the field also means I don’t have time to create very portable meals that will work well in a hot environment and not put me over the edge with my appetite, which has been going from nothing to everything in taste and amount as of late. I’m also working insanely early hours so it totally messes up what time I eat compared to when I sleep (ie I eat breakfast at like, 5.30am but still end up having dinner around 6.30. Boo) so I’m on a bit of an edge.

In all of this, even though I’m doing all I possibly can, I am still beating myself up for not doing these things for myself, along with my body. After I posted the other day about Asking For Help, I had one commenter (Hi Linda!) let me know how hard I was being on myself and it was just too much.

I mean, I know I’m hard on myself because I always have been, and have been able to manage it in the past few years, but not right now. I love that she helped me realize all the things that I’m doing and conquering, and to make me realize that even when I get things done and they might not feel good enough, THEY ARE. I am doing the best I can and being the best I can right now and really, it’s what counts the most.

So after having a bad morning, where I just felt “ick” and wanted to (I’m sad to say) skip my snack and lunch, I read over your lovely comments from so many of my Side Notes, took a deep breath, and pushed through the day. I focused on the positives, like getting in a nice hilly run with my running buddy (whom I haven’t run with in a long time!), eating fresh organic foods to nourish myself, and finally getting a chance to visit the Farmer’s Market in town, where I ended up running into some coworkers/friends!

As slow as it’s coming to me, there is only so much I can do to make myself happy with well, myself. If myself doesn’t like that things I’m accomplishing and thinks I need to do it better or do more of it, then well, that part of myself can come and do it itself! Hahah…which I guess technically is still me…but…you get the idea, haha.

Let’s just say that I’m going to bed in a better mood than I was when I woke up. Definitely speaks for having a turn around day, right?

How do you turn around your attitude when you’re being too hard on yourself? Tell me one awesome thing about yourself that you’ve accomplished lately to help remind yourself what a great and hard working person you are!

Real Post

2011-06-23T00:10:00.001-04:00

I actually have food photos for you today!!! I was a good blogger for once…because these are about all the food photos that I have for the past like…2 weeks? Hahaha.

First off, I had to ready this body for a HOT hike this morning. What better than a chocolate and berries smoothie, with mixed Kashi cereals!

Then I hiked up to here. Can you see my car???

Here’s a better look.

I was freak’n hot hot hot by the time I got up there, and was being hassled by flies…

Probably because I got man handled by a fence that RIPPED MY FAVORITE HIKING PANTS!!!! Major sad face. :(

Of course I had to stay hydrated!!!

Oh, and at some point I hit something and my mirror came out of the side mirror….should be interesting to see how I fix that. Duct tape? Just like for my pants, right?

Lunch was the most delicious sandwich ever. It could not have come at a better time, while I hiked up the hill in the background. Veggies galore, though I’m more excited for the one tomorrow, because I bought new hummus and sprouts tonight.

And what is lunch without fresh and organic produce?! Strawberries and peaches, with a side of scenery.

There was lots of driving while looking out the windows…and fyi, this view is taken looking DOWN. I can’t even describe to you how steep the fall was.

Oh the desert…

Imagine it up 5*F from there within an hour…it was 1:00pm. Ouch.

On the drive home I snacked on a very melted chocolate zbar and an apple, along with a few handfuls of trail mix. the best part of that trail mix was the peanut m&m’s. I was in heaven, and it was great for a pre-run snack! Many on twitter agreed!

I went on a quick 3.5 mile run and hit up the grocery store for the rest of my salad ingredients! Fresh organic spring mix, cucumbers, tomatoes, cucumbers, bell pepper, and chickpeas in marinara.

And fresh organic honeydew. The best I’ve EVER had.

Now I’m ready for bed…day 11 of work here I come…bahhh…

As of Late…

2011-06-22T00:37:00.001-04:00

I’m currently going onto my 9th day of work. This is not an easy task to say the least. It’s over a 100*F outside, but don’t let those clouds fool you, that sun was hurt’n my skin.

(San Diego Mission Trails Park)

(Work of course)

Long work in hot environments means my appetite is out of whack and brain all over the place. So I try to stick to clean eats and my emotions at ease.

(organic homemade salad with veggies, eggs and peanut dressing)

(Organic White Peach)

But then there are days, where I just have to ask for help. Especially when I have an appointment where I have to get weighed in and the nurses are…well, somewhat vocal about your changes in weight over time. Drives me crazy. And makes me want to cry sometimes.

Anyhow, all of this kinda makes me realize how sometimes…I just need to ask for help. I’ve taken the steps myself of going to see a counselor but you know what, sometimes friends/significant others are the best people to go after for that small smile that is just going to make your day, ya know?

Because when you’re overwhelmed from putting so much stuff on your plate and have to finish it all…that little bit of help is all you need to keep on going.

Hopefully I’ll have some time this week to make a real post. I apologize, but I’ve gotta work until Saturday…and myabe just until July 2nd. Oiy…

Work Work Work…

2011-06-19T09:45:00.001-04:00

Thank for all the wonderful and supportive comments on taking a break. I’ve still been reading all your posts, just not as much commenting…so sorry! Otherwise, I’m currently back in San Diego this weekend for Wilderness First Aid Training and was so excited when I got to hit up my old stomping grounds for a run! Ocean Beach and Sunset Cliffs? Yes please!

Until later!

Delayed

2011-06-14T20:45:00.001-04:00

I actually posted about this sometime last week but took the subject down before many of you could read it. Since I ran the marathon and just a bit before that, I’ve been getting some pretty nasty emails and comments. I’m usually pretty good with dealing with the horrible words and remarks, but some of they are really pushing my buttons past the point of comfort.

I read Monica’s great post about dealing with mean comments and appreciated every suggestion, but I just need a break from it all. I’m sure I’m gonna get more crap for not blogging for a while but work is crazy anyways so I’m just simply out of time…

So please don’t abandon me on my break…I promise I’ll be back soon and besides, I’ve got some great new places I’m going in the coming week or so I’m going to have some great pictures to share!

So for now…au revoir.

X-Men

2011-06-13T00:40:00.001-04:00

OH MAN! The new X-Man is sooooo good! Whit really wanted to see it, and if he’d had his way would have stayed to watch it one more time in the theater! Hah! I must agree that it was certainly a good movie and I liked all the characters except Mystique…Meh.

Anyhow, I really wanted to thank everyone who commented on my post from this morning about My Post Marathon Feeling. It has been a hard week trying to accept the race and I’m still working on it…hopefully I’ll start feeling better about it soon.

So, I finally had a day to relax with no work, as I’m basically going to be working for the next two plus weeks straight starting tomorrow. Boo. But it means $$$$$$ for my next trip to Kauai! Yay! Alas, when I finally got out of bed at 7.30 (yes, that’s late for me) I prepped a super berry filled protein smoothie with cereal. It’s been a few days since I’d had one! I missed it!

I lounged in bed all morning watching a mini show called The Lake on Hulu. Such a gossip-y show but I was hooked after the first one. Luckily, they are each only 10 minutes long, so it didn’t’ take long to go through all 12 episodes.

After feeling a bit too lazy I got out of bed to get in a short run around the neighborhood. It felt so great to run outside in my town…something about the mountains just makes a run that much better. I finished up 3.7 miles in some time…and got ready to make a lunch for myself and Whit!

I fixed up a fast wrap with a Flat Out Wrap, hummus, tomatoes, lettuce and some sauteed squashes with a side of strawberries (times two).

I finished off the meal with a handful of dark chocolate edamame from TJ’s then walked downtown (three more miles) with Whit and my roomie for X-Men!

When we got home I was STARVING so I basically threw a bunch of stuff in a pot (can of roasted tomatoes with garlic, black beans, broccoli and squash with Italian spices) and baked some fries to make a dinner for Whit and I! It actually turned out great!!!

My dessert was another handful of the dark chocolate edamame while Whit and my roomie sampled the free Magnum Ice Cream Bars that I got through the Foodbuzz Tastemaker Program!

They really enjoyed the bars and although they thought they were really rich, they weren’t too sweet to be overwhelming. I’m glad they enjoyed them for me…dang my lactose intolerance. :\

Alright, now starts a week of craziness followed by another and then hopefully a three day weekend for the 4th of July weekend where I’m going to run a 5k in town! Yay!

A Post Marathon Feeling

2011-06-12T13:06:00.001-04:00

It has been one week since I ran the San Diego Marathon. I’ve gone on one run since then and am no longer limping around or complaining about being in pain walking up my apartment stairs.

But it still hasn’t hit me.

I’ve reread my post a thousand times; I’ve reread all the tweets, facebook comments and blog comments; I’ve sat and stared at my medal and bib and still, I don’t feel like I finished it. There is something missing.

In actuality, when I think about the race, I’m not even happy I did it. Something about the race, or that happened during the race is keeping me from enjoying and celebrating the fact that I RAN A MARATHON.

I wouldn’t say that I feel disappointed in how I went, though at the same time I think I might be. Ultimately my goal for the race was just to finish and raise money for the environment via World Wildlife Fund and I did. I didn’t hit my goal, but that’s alright because I raised a significant amount of money and that’s great.

I think it was this moment that has stuck with me and made me feel…lost over the race (although I apparently can’t spell and walk at the same time; haha):

I knew that at some point in the race I was going to have to walk, factored that in and was fine with it. But I never thought I was ever going to feel so defeated like I did at mile 18. I know that running a race like this is much more mental than physical but I never ever thought I would feel like I needed to quit like I did.

I can’t even explain to you the anguish that I felt at that mile. I wanted everything to end. I secretly wanted my body just to give out on me and pass out, so I could say that it wasn’t just my head that gave up on the race and actually my body. I wanted an excuse to finish right then and there. And I think that feeling, that “giving up and giving in” is what has held me from enjoying running a marathon.

I remember thinking about the race the day before and telling Whit that I was probably going to cry when I crossed the finish line. I could have cried about it right then and there just telling him it. I knew it was going to be an emotional experience because it’s been something I’ve been dreaming about for years.

But the second I crossed that finish line, NOTHING. The smile that’s on my face in my finishers photo is forced. Ok, I might have been smiling simply because the race was done and therefore the pain, but other than that, there were no emotions whatsoever. Now, I’m not a super emotional person like others, but I knew that I was going to feel something at the end, yet I had nothing. It bothered me as I walked through the corral and through to find my family. I knew something was wrong with my mentality when I finished the race.

I’ve been thinking about it all week as people have told me how proud they are and how I feel now that I finished a marathon and although I smile and say it was an experience, there is something empty about it. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s almost like it didn’t happen. Is that crazy or what?

I don’t know what to do about my emotions over it. A part of me wants to run another one just to see if I can get that feeling of accomplishment that I’ve been missing from this one, but I don’t know if I could do it again. I had feared failure before this race because I thought I might let all of you and my donors for the fundraiser down, but never myself.

What happened? Has anyone else run a race they built up so much for and then, nothing? I’m so lost over this race when I should be relishing in smiles about conquering such a feat…

So.Much.Stuff.

2011-06-11T13:13:00.001-04:00

Thursday’s food and work:

Thursday night: BATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok seriously, how cute are these guys?! I just want to take them home and keep them as a little pet! Think Honey would approve? LOL.

Friday: My Brother’s College Graduation

Order of the Engineer. Basically they take an oath to not partake in engineering feats that would harm people or cross ethical boundaries.

This is his senior project and group. I didn’t get to see the finished project but it looked interesting and they worked hard and long on it!

Lunch via TJ’s ON CAMPUS. Oh yeah…why did I not go to school here?!

Time to walk!!!

Ah, family photo time. Our family is crazy diverse in what we specialize in:

-Craig (the graduate): Mechanical Engineering
-Eric: Sociology
-Me: Environmental Sciences

Craig was missing his girlfriend…cause she’s been in Korea the past 6 months. She’ll be home soon!

Congratulatory dinner at Buca Di Beppo!

And times my plate times three. With chocolate chips when I got home, and cashews. I had to take the cheese off the pizza so no protein in my dinner! Yikes!

Ok, back home today (man, this Saturday feels like Sunday already!) to work, catch more bats and goodness gracious, spend some time with my poor kitty! I miss her crazy face!

That’s It! I’ve HAD IT!

2011-06-08T23:09:00.002-04:00

So, my appetite is finally coming back after the marathon. And when I say appetite, I mean my stomach is actually growling and I’m craving my normal foods that I like. Thank goodness.
I mixed up my smoothie in a bowl this morning by not using protein powder and instead using a big scoop of pb on top! I blended together ~~my spatula~~, frozen strawberries, frozen blackberries, frozen apriums and USVAB the mixed in the cereals.

No side of cat this time. She is always around though. Hehe.
I had basically the same lunch as yesterday but I added in some of the roasted squash pieces with the meatless meatballs and poured bits of marinara on top to add some flavor and moisture.

A side of water with some great words of running encouragement (“some girls chase boys, I pass ‘em.”) to help it all go down…and a muffin for dessert.

A long day overall and I had to get some groceries after getting home and you can more than bet I was ready for some dinner! I quickly roasted up some pre-cut butternut squash and bell pepper while finishing up some paperwork and scrambled two eggs to eat with leftover curried potatoes from yesterday’s dinner.

All dipped in ketchup, well, except for the eggs. That’s gross…to me. Sorry people.
And of course, since my leg is injured I was rummaging for some more ice packs when I came across this:

What better than ice my legs and fill my chocolate cravings all at the same time, right?!?!! Mwahahahaha…
A few pita chips and I’m ready to clock out for the night. It’s going to be a crazy weekend with my brother’s college graduation and then…I’m basically going to be working for three weeks straight. I will not be a happy blogger. But at least I get to go back to San Diego again, right? Maybe…

Race Photos

2011-06-08T00:42:00.001-04:00

I’m pretty impressed with my photos from the race! Um, is it bad that it still hasn’t hit me I ran a marathon…or am I just weird….maybe I’m just too worried about the pain in my leg to realize what I’ve done…

Which one do you like the most?

~~~

It’s been a long day today so I don’t have much to say about my food. Still craving the savory over the sweet, though I couldn’t do without some chocolate granola tonight while watching a new episode of White Collar (Brandi, what did you think?!?!?! Swoooooon)

Protein smoothie in a bowl…a side of kitty.

Tortilla with mustard, lettuce and meatless meatball…fresh organic nectarine (didn’t eat the plum)

oops, dropped my meatless meatball…

Popcorn snack…

Banana nut and chocolate chip muffin with strawberries…and some fog.

Cute baby cows!!! And it’s angry papa on the side…

Fresh roasted squashes in Italian seasonings, potatoes with Indian spices and hummus.

Plum and cherries for dessert!

Good night!!!

The Day After

2011-06-07T01:06:00.001-04:00

Current status: Waddling like a penguin. At least it’s a bird walk…right? Like birder like bird? No? Ok… But thank you so much to everyone for all the encouragement and great comments on my SD Marathon Race Recap!

It’s been a rough day having to get up to my second story apt and jumping out of a lifted doge ram truck for work. It’s been interesting to say the least…

Anyhow, I started my morning at my parents and with the smoothie I’d been wanting all weekend long! It was a normal vega protein powder, berries, spinach and water topped with cereal. I also had a muffin on the side because I was still hungry…my post race hunger is slowly starting to come back. And when I say slow, I mean slowly. I think my stomach shrunk to the size of a tennis ball. Odd.

I made guacamole for Whit for some breakfast and actually ended up eating lots of chips with a bit of guac before we hit the road to get me back to my place and go to work. Yep, no day off after a marathon for me! I munched on some trail mix on the way home but my belly was feeling off so I didn’t have much. Hate that feeling.

I did a watch for about 5 hours before getting back home and finally feeding myself something other than trail mix, and that wasn’t sweet. I swear, almost two packs of gu chomps for that race has me running away from sweet stuff! So all I wanted for dinner was savory and my hummus, egg and lettuce wrap hit the spot. I didn’t eat the mango and instead had another tortilla with hummus and a some cucumber slices because I still didn’t want the sweet. Blech.

I snacked on some carrots afterwards and a handful of cheerios before getting ready to call it a night.

I looked up my race pictures to show you all but they’ve suddenly disappeared and can’t be found. I actually like them a lot too!!!! Hopefully they’ll be back up tomorrow. Definitely something I might buy!!!